What Price Success?
The pressure of success is evident early on in our lives. As soon as we can sit up we are urged to crawl and walk. When we enter school the tests come quick and fast.
It all starts with the painting on the fridge in childhood. We receive well meaning praise for our painting and it is placed on the fridge as a trophy of our achievement, but how often are we reminded we would be acceptable without having to produce this masterpiece? We are conditioned to believe we have to constantly strive for success to be acceptable and this success is strongly based on our academic ability and the six figure salary we are expected to achieve.
Perhaps you overhead your parents proudly announcing how you were an A star student or maybe you have made the same statements about your own children without realising how this could be perceived by your off spring. As a young child it is easy to perceive we have to keep striving for those A grades to gain approval and be good enough.
No wonder many of us fall into levels of low mood and discontent with the constant message that we need to strive for more success to be valid. No sooner have we taken our SATS there is talk of the importance of GCSEs and higher education and then the high flying career. Are we ever going to be good enough?
Why has the underlying meaning of success become one dimensional? In a universe with such a wide spectrum of unique individuals how did success become such a narrow and limiting outcome?
A frequent question when you first meet someone is 'What do you do?' and the pressure can bring the temptation to embellish to ensure approval and the appearance of success. Sometimes you even hear people being described as a 'success' and yet the measure is based on a superficial judgement of what being a success really is.
The meaning of success is: the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
This definition does not imply a context and yet the assumption in every day life is it applies our academic accomplishments and financial status. What is missing is the encouragement and celebration of the diversity that exists within human beings leaving many feeling inadequate.
What would happen if we put more energy into acceptance of people rather than judgement of what they do or what they are aiming to achieve. Couldn't we just be appreciated for who we organically grow to be. Surely success as the definition states could apply to any area. You could aspire to be a successful mother, friend, driver, carer and the list goes on.
What if we could focus on seeing the small successes we achieve daily and just be content and appreciative of a successful day. Couldn't we be considered successful because we live a contented life. Who wouldn't want that? We have been conditioned to keep searching and achieving more without taking time to fully appreciate what we have achieved or why we are striving to achieve it. When we don't stop and enjoy what is currently happening and race on to attain that prized achievement we miss the real purpose of the exercise. It is the journey not the prize that is important. It is the learning not the outcome that gives us life lessons.
When we believe and feel we are enough it is far easier to feel successful and that the next achievement does not define who we are, but is the next adventure. It doesn't rely on even achieving the outcome, just attaining some form of personal development that enriches life.
How many times do you hear people say
'I will be successful when I have.....!'
The mindset that holds that statement as their truth will not retain a feeling of accomplishment. It comes from a place of lacking and fuels a constant search for approval searching for constant quests to achieve success.
Real success happens when we have developed a successful mindset that allows us to enjoy exploring and learning just because we can, and when we do not base our value as a person on achievement. Those that find success every day are more motivated due to the pure joy they invest in what they do. The joy is what spurs them on and makes everything they do feel more effortless. It is not to say they do not put effort in, just that they are going with the flow of positive energy and believing success doesn't have to be stressful or difficult. Life gets easier when you have supportive beliefs about what success is. Imagine holding a firm belief that you have to prove yourself and success has to be hard and endured. This belief would ensure you worked long stressful hours and that nothing came easy. Can you imagine how this would affect your energy and health? Now imagine you hold a firm belief that you are always good enough and you experience successes every day. How would that change how you behaved and felt about yourself and what effect would this have on your energy and health?
We tend to find in life that whatever we believe manifests evidence to back up our belief as fact. What facts would you prefer? Success is ours for the taking, and dependent on what route taken as to what price we will pay?
