Whose View of the World is Right?
Our view of the world and a sense of right and wrong is developed in our early years. Our parameters are based on our
family’s values, beliefs and our perceived role. Dependent on how we experience right, wrong
and fairness it can contribute to unhelpful unconscious childhood programming. The patterns of behaviour played out in our
families can install a paradigm of battling with being right. When we have consistently experienced
inflexibility and rigid concepts of what is right and wrong, proving a point
can become compelling and all consuming.
Unfortunately, when we doggedly argue our corner it can cost us the
goodwill of others as usually this requires someone being proved wrong. The very need to prove our point suggests a
fear as we become defensive and fearful of our core beliefs being proved to be
false. If we let go of these
longstanding foundational beliefs we lose the certainty and safety they supply.
By expanding our understanding that right and wrong are on the whole perceptions from an individual’s viewpoint and not based on truth challenges our previously black and white view. Accepting our beliefs are second hand based on our family’s views and not concrete facts can help us to be more accommodating of others’ perspectives. Taking a moment to assess how well those family beliefs have served our parents can give us better insight into which beliefs have positive value and are worth keeping. We may have missed many helpful, interesting grey areas in our refusal to explore perceptions unfamiliar from our usual position. Opinions are based on an individual’s unique values and beliefs and when we are able to consider another’s views we free ourselves to openness. In the process we are more readily able to release the need to judge and be right. Being able to live by beliefs that bring us joy, peace and happiness without feeling challenged by others’ differing views alleviates the need to enforce our opinions on others.
When we are equipped with curiosity and unconditional love for human kind we are more likely to discover peace and serenity and the urge to jump to conclusions and make assumptions diminishes. Our values and beliefs are how we all make sense of the world. When some of our beliefs have been shaped by hurt, anger, fear and sadness the beliefs we filter our experiences through taint our thoughts, reasoning and drive our behaviours to our own detriment. Remaining open to all opinions gives us the opportunity to assess whether the viewpoints we are exposed to could be an asset in our quest for personal development. The ability to set aside our assumptions and really gauge whether someone else’s opinion could be a great insight and resource is a sign of emotional and spiritual progress.
It becomes easier to achieve a safer viewpoint of the world when we willingly embrace a more open and compassionate mindset. When we let go of right and wrong in our daily communication we no longer feel threatened by others’ views and opinions. Indeed, quite the opposite becomes accessible: A deeper understanding and empathy for those who exhibit opposing or fearful behaviour and opinions. Nurturing a willingness to allow others just to be, without need to criticise or change unlocks the possibility to release our own self judgement and accept our inner most thoughts and feelings. When we just accept, even our darkest thoughts, we are liberated from them. Consequently, as the judgement dissipates the focus and energy no longer fuels these thoughts and they lose their power. The energy and focus can be redirected to generate supportive thoughts and behaviours as we learn to accept or even like our imperfections.
The practice of acceptance of ‘what is’ sets us on the path to enlightenment. Often, we criticise those that exhibit thoughts and behaviours we have judged to be wrong in ourselves. It is important we learn to express our opinions without the need to forcefully push our views. Instead just expressing our opinions without need for others to validate, approve or agree. Accepting we cannot change others brings us the power to discover true recognition of the world’s diversity and the ability to value and possibly admire others’ viewpoints. The only changeable elements are how we as individuals think, feel and react to behaviours and events.
We learn and grow by the very acknowledgement of the great polarity of values and beliefs that are held by others. It becomes easier with practice to view others with curiosity and respect and gratefulness for what we can learn. We each and every one of us gain by learning from others who do not share our map of the world. The benefits enable us to develop a broader perspective and establish a more peaceful and safe place in the world while permitting the right of others to their beliefs.
Much of our behaviour is triggered automatically without question. When we gain more awareness of these patterns and consciously step back in an attempt to understand others’ and their views we have truly begun to master our emotional states and negate our own blind spots. We can consider whether it is really necessary or beneficial to react negatively and seek solace in our own beliefs and judgement. What behaviour would be more valuable? Seize the opportunity to be curious and search for a better understanding of the person’s journey and how they arrived at their current view of the world.
There is no one right way to live, just numerous options and paths. We are all searching for contentment, joy, peace and love often ignoring the very avenues that will bring that fulfilment. By reacting in a less than positive way to alternative methods we limit our chances to awareness of choice and discovering the very resources that will fuel our personal power.
What have we overlooked by dismissing others’ opinions. What if we could gain something valuable that promotes our personal growth and peace from everyone we interact with, especially those that challenge our strong beliefs. The greatest life changing learning occurs when we have overcome the biggest challenges. How often have we denied ourselves the chance to expand emotionally, mentally and spiritually?
To continue to broaden the limits of our understanding it is necessary to pursue the chance to be challenged and seek out the opportunities to grow internally. We often search for fulfilment of our needs externally only to find satisfaction is short lived and unsustainable. The change we seek cannot be manipulated externally through others or by investing in material items. Once we turn our attention inwards we unlock our ability to invest in our power to change.
True strength does not come from putting up a barricade to the outside world or hiding away. The outside world is not the threat. The biggest threat is how we perceive ourselves and our place in the world. By accepting the lessons, we can learn from those who touch our lives the ability to be flexible, compassionate and accepting and once we possess these attributes can truly live authentically. To be open and vulnerable builds resilience and inner strength and encourages us to bestow our flexibility, compassion and acceptance on others and even more importantly on ourselves.
Everything we experience in life only has meaning when we attach a story. But what if the story we previously attached was filled with faulty thinking. What if the beliefs and values we filtered our experience through were created on misunderstandings and miscommunications. What if the very beliefs we live within are no longer useful and should have been outmoded long ago. What if we could suspend our resistance to different viewpoints and notice how differently we experience the world around us. What if this would give us a completely diverse angle and experience. What could we learn from that experience? How would it change what we think and believe and how we react?
What if categorising opinions and behaviours as wrong or right robs us of the chance to extract and absorb what we need to evolve. Our ability to accept ourselves and others with their values and beliefs is enhanced when we actively seek the positive intention. It is not necessary to condone or agree, but equally not helpful to judge, just accept!
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Karen Oliver
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
01932 403780/077823 381855
