Hope Springs Eternal!
We have all heard stories of those who have seemingly lost everything: family, fortune, home! The vast majority of those people still maintain enough motivation to endure and continue to take action towards recovery. Without hope the human race would not be successful. We appear to be hardwired to look for the silver lining and keep hope that the situation will get better. To do this we maintain a mind set of belief we have the ability to do something about the situation even when the odds seem to be stacked against us and many of the elements of the current situation appear to be completely out of our control.
Of course there are some of us who have mastered adversity and remained optimistic more easily than others. Some of us become more vulnerable to substance abuse and other addictions as we are in doubt or fearful of our abilities to succeed in overcoming the adverse situation. But the majority are able, at some point, to come to terms with what has happened and learn enough to enlist all of their resources to create a more positive path forwards.
According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who developed the Change Curve – when change happens, whether enforced or not, there can be an initial feeling of shock and dismay that the event has occurred. This is followed by denial and convincing yourself that it isn’t really happening. What follows can be anger and frustration which can cause you to blame others and lash out whilst still not wanting to accept. The next stage is hitting rock-bottom and experiencing apathy where everything appears to be pointless and a lack of self-confidence and a willingness to give up. The next stage can be so emotionally painful that most of us start to pull ourselves out of it. You may start to try new things as anything is better than being stuck at the bottom of the curve. This continues to bring about a new way of thinking, deciding what does and doesn’t work. An acceptance of the change ensues and a level of optimism begins to return. The final stage is when you integrate the change into your life and it becomes part of your norm.
This is purely a model of change and clearly we are all individuals and may follow just part of this change curve, but you will probably resonate with some of the steps and notice how you adapt to change. Are you someone who holds onto the past and therefore may not find it easy to move past the apathy stage and get stuck in denial? Or are you a forward thinking person who is constantly trying out new ideas and rarely moves onto integrate them? Whichever you relate to you will notice there is a point that hope and optimism play a big part in allowing you to let go of the old habits and embrace new methods that will sustain you at work, home or play. We all have our ups and downs both personally, e.g. bereavement, redundancy, relationships, or external changes e.g. new technology and new operating systems.
We are all start with an optimistic outlook to life. Have you ever seen a healthy toddler wake up one morning and say they don’t want to face the world or are not going to walk for fear of falling? Do you remember bouncing out of bed as a young child excited about what the day would bring? A pessimistic outlook is learnt through less than happy experiences usually occurring during childhood and limiting our ability to be resilient and think optimistically. Sometimes we experience events at a tender age that are so painful our unconscious mind will do its upmost to avoid similar situations again. As an example, when we are young and rely on our needs being met by adults and we learn that those needs are far less than fulfilled to the point of having to fend for ourselves we may learn not to expect anything and that we will always be let down by others. It is easy to see how this type of experience could affect our ability to be optimistic. However, even when we have learnt to view the world in a pessimistic way it doesn’t mean we cannot change our view point. As we learnt pessimism we can unlearn and relearn optimism. Those of us who are optimistic will tend to log and note the good things that happen to us and build strong beliefs about our ability to influence any situation. The pessimists amongst us will note the things that went wrong despite their own effort and may begin to feel helpless, This leaves us feeling not in control of anything that happens and at the mercy of the universe and what it has planned for us.
For anyone who has experienced helplessness the feeling of their efforts being futile in the face of the world’s problems can be overwhelming. So how can this be addressed? In my experience small positive steps can bring about a more optimistic view. What can I do that will make a difference is far more empowering than focusing on the big picture or the elements that may be out of your control. Small actions do make a difference not only for the individual, but have a universal impact. Imagine if each one of us decided to walk or take public transport to the school or work twice a week rather than use a car, what difference would that make for a busy cities air quality? or joined a group to lobby government about a new green policy regarding recycling. We all have far more power even as individuals and when we carry out acts as a joint community we have an even greater impact on our world.
What bigger example of adversity and hope could there be than the Easter story! The symbol of the Easter Egg is the perfect example of new life and new hope. Stay aware and actively seek the power to influence a situation. It is easy to believe that life is fated and we are either lucky or unlucky, but this mind set does not allow us to take action in the name of hope it leaves us stuck and alike a leaf in a hurricane. In truth hope is the driver of action and luck is the result of those of us that take courage when an opportunity is presented!
Karen Oliver – E-Motional Solutions – 07782 381855/01932 403780
