Whose view of the world is Right

Our Ongoing Quest for Security

Tue, 26 Nov 2024 17:00:24 GMT

A buzz word for a fearful society

Security is a rising issue that we all consider in many contexts:

Cyber security
World security
Personal security
Home security
Career security
Financial security
Emotional security

It is a term that is banded around as if it is a concrete physical object we can hold and possess, and yet no one can exist with complete surety or rely on any form of external security. Life is a risk and we have no choice but to take risks and without risks our emotional, physical and cognitive development would be impaired.

Of course we can minimise known risks, but nothing can account for the wildness of life and the uncertainty of nature. Therefore, our decisions and actions include an element of taking a leap of faith..

Untold numbers of scientists over many centuries have tried to tame the world and even the universe by trying to understand and order everything according to science. But knowledge without wisdom can lead to unwise choices often labelled as progress and in reality can lead to dire consequences that upset natural balance.

In an attempt to protect our personal security within this wild world we have placed ourselves in artificial environments controlled by technology to create the perfect surrounding and ambience. Not only do we live in man made cocoons but we travel in manmade boxes that keep the natural world at bay all in the name of security.

The universe for all of our meddling and attempts to make it ordered and safe is resolute in its natural patterns not influenced by our over reactive anxiety that craves consistent safety and is hardwired to reset back to balance.

We are all here to learn about ourselves and how we navigate our world. Rising to our personal challenges and taking risks are a necessary ingredient to aid in our ability to gain resilience and work with natural everyday uncertainties. Focusing our energy on wanting to alter what is perfectly created to challenge and support us, is not only futile, but more risky as we seek to upset the equilibrium of nature. We have become so separate and fearful of the raw power of nature and are unaware our very existence is a creation of nature and we are uniquely adapted to inhabit our natural world.

When we reside in a constant fear state our creative energy to problem solve and create solutions is depleted and our life's purpose can become unclear. It is only when we cease fighting and wanting to defeat our natural world we begin to acknowledge its amazing strength, adaptability, capacity and beauty. When we fully comprehend and harness the gifts nature bestows on each and every one of us we are on our way to mastering how we utilise risk.

'If you risk nothing you gain nothing.'

Bear Grylls

There has never been more discussion and focus on security as there is right now and the increase in health & safety policies in every area of our lives has become so predominant we are becoming fearful of our own shadows.

While it is prudent to have a common sense attitude to security, we can rest assured our unconscious minds have had that covered and ensured our survival for thousands of years. Our instincts are always ready to step in when required to stop us from being reckless.

The worldwide obsession with security has not and will not bring global or personal peace. It is the very fuel that ignites wars and disputes. The basis of security when out of proportion is fear and fear breeds suspicion and distrust.

In an era of locked and bolted doors, sensor lights and alarms fitted to everything we have created a base level of distrust.

The media hones in on fear as a way of selling and promoting messages, exaggerating any source of security issue and selling gadgets that solve the issue they so obviously inflate for nefarious and self fulfilling purposes.

When creating a need the process is initiated by highlighting a problem and the same organisation magically supplying the solution.

If an organisation widely publicised there was a risk of developing nasty rashes and disease if you wear clothes due to the materials in all clothes and almost instantly advertise they have the remedy with great stocks of skin friendly clothing to solve the problem, shouldn't we at least be mindful of the conflict of interest and raise questions?

The home security market alone was over £50,000,000,000 in 2023 and is set to rise to around £72,000,000,000 by 2025. Fear is a profitable business!

Fearful people are far more easily manipulated as they are clambering to feel safe, unaware the fear is generated and diffused by our anticipation and projection. The remedy is within our own power by questioning and self reflection, directed attention and reframing of our fear triggering beliefs.

I suspect if a nationwide survey was completed it would illustrate the rise in how highly sensitised we are to risk and perceive the world to be a more dangerous place than the previous generation who lived through wars.

War is now waged on our minds to install a sense of intolerable risk we spend much of our precious time thinking about or acting to mitigate, which is not even based in our physical reality but a perceived threat.

Once we remain alert to risk and danger for a prolonged period of time it becomes habitual and a level of anxiety is ever present which compromises our natural ability to relax and sleep leading to further emotional undermining and possible mental health challenges.

Security has further ramifications within our relationships. Primed with an ever present need for security we may seek this in a partner which places unreasonable and unrealistic expectations on the relationship.

In our personal search for security we often make do and settle. Sooner or later that decision will bring anything but security. It is not possible to cling and hold tightly onto an intimate relationship as it will sap every drop of love out. What remains may be an abusive or co-dependent existence where loneliness creeps in.

Love is the opposite of fear and responds positively to nurture not demands and anxiety. For a relationship to grow and flourish a sense of trust and personal security has to be present. When we lead with love it is like giving freedom to a wild animal and it choosing to return.

Love resonates when a relationship is entered into willingly and freely and when the individuals have their own personal boundaries. Unlike fear based needs, having boundaries creates a loving security of knowing where you stand. Possessing a sense of internal safety allows boundaries rather than walls and inhabiting complete worthiness creates emotional foundations that fuel our sense of security.

When a secure couple in an intimate relationship nurture their union they value the open freedom they each hold and in turn it continues to imbue their connection without the need to possess.

If you are looking for security, first ask yourself what incited you to do so?

Second, ask yourself how you would feel once you have eliminated every risk known to man and are sitting in your fortress, are you alone?

Third validate your emotions and recognise they are all transitional when you allow emotions to come and go.

Fourth know you have the power to choose the meaning of everything and how you respond emotionally

And finally, imagine how you would look, sound and feel when fear has now dissipated from your life?

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

Knowing Yourself

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Mon, 03 Jun 2024 16:15:45 GMT

Letting the Mask Slip

You would think it was easy to know yourself. After all you are the only one who has been on your unique journey. But who is the real you behind the facade?

Many of us would describe ourselves as our profession, but although, if we are content within our professional role, it will give away clues to some aspects of our passions, does that really encapsulate the very essence of who we are?

There are many labels we attribute to ourselves such as Mother/Father, Daughter/Son and no doubt these relationships can play out aspects of what makes us who we are.

We may be so fragmented and obscured by the numerous labels we have not discovered, lost or buried our real identity all together. Without foundation we can flit between many alter egos that do not say enough about us to create a true and clear picture.

It can seem intimidating to take on our true persona and be out in the world without our armoury of trusty disguises keeping our vulnerable selves safe. Often we have built up these diverse faces over many years to assist us in remaining safe in potentially vulnerable situations.

The decision to create different versions of ourselves is unconscious and usually due to some form of trauma. It does not have to be a full on life threatening experience to shift us away from our authentic selves. Just a sense of being out of our depth or very uncomfortable will provide the right environment for us to reach for a protective shield to prevent harm by the prevailing threat.

Many of us will have a complex system of personality alias's to keep the most persistent perceived attacks and attempts to penetrate beneath the surface at bay.

The original trauma however big or small may have been received completely out of context and personalised as a judgement of our character. Rather than appear to be wrong or foolish we present a veneer of a more acceptable character to parade to the outside world.

As we build these coping strategies it is so easy to completely forget who we really are. We can parade our identities and effectively move seamlessly as each morphs into the next to cover every social group or occasion.

It truly does highlight just how complex human beings really are. Designed to survive we will adapt and transform whenever needed.

What is evident is those that exhibit this catalogue of masks are far from comfortable with themselves and often lose sight or divorce themselves of any attributes of their true self. Apart from the obvious lack of consistency in behaviour and fickle beliefs it can become very confusing for those around us who watch as we appear to be social chameleons to ensure we fit and blend in.

Usually those that unconsciously use these tactics are confused as to which guise, if any, really represents their inner core and purpose. Flip flopping with no anchor constantly altering opinions can also baffle those who observe.

The energy used to remain beneath the masks hidden so deep that no amount of arrows can penetrate is truly draining and yet the fear of the reveal is so horrifying the facade continues. The longer the pattern loops the more convinced we are that it is the only option and who we are.

Despite the appearance of effective boundaries this behaviour evolved through a distinct lack of boundaries and a desperate attempt to feel safe. The positive intention at the beginning was to ensure safety and in reality not only has the personality impressionist created more insecurity but they have unwittingly imprisoned themselves in the process.

So how can this behaviour be unravel?

It starts with learning to accept all of the faults and attributed shame that aided in the birth of these encumbering and unhelpful strategies and recognising the resulting behaviour was an over reaction and triggered by misinformed perceptions.

When we can strip back the layers of miscommunication and faulty conclusions we begin to see past the disempowering beliefs we adopted. We have a propensity to take things personally when we have not built a health set of boundaries and react inappropriately through raw triggers and hypervigilance.

By investing in self acceptance and learning to step back before the trigger and evaluate the situation from a more objective view point we give ourselves a chance to come up with new perceptions to consider.

Just by questioning our 'go to' judgement of a situation we can break the pattern, influence the awareness of choice and make decisions on the meaning and whether we do need to respond at all.

It is far easier to take steps to be yourself when you are willing to accept. By no longer avoiding the so called imperfections and learning it is possible to embrace those very attributes you thought were to be shunned and hidden you are taking strident steps to know yourself.

Emotional Freedom Technique is just one of the energy modalities that gently and elegantly shifts towards a more loving compassionate view of yourself.

Knowing Yourself is a gift that transforms you into Being Yourself!

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855

01932 403780

Too Much or Not Enough!

Fri, 12 Jan 2024 12:54:35 GMT

Striving for approval

As sociable people who rely on our connections we are primed to seek out our social groups and fit in.

This is particularly true of teenagers.

I have found myself saying to a family member when faced with comments I could only describe as bullying and toxic 'Why don't you stop looking and block them?'

What I realise now is that to cut the tie would be akin to going it alone losing the tribe and facing social death.

Teenagers more than any other age group feel the pressure to comply by joining a peer group and abiding by unwritten rules over how they behave, what they wear and how they look.

It explains the troops of adolescence that seem to have been cloned, religiously following the latest trends without question.

The sense of belonging brings them safety and is vital to their emotional survival.

At this time we are at our most vulnerable trying to work out who we are and what it all means. We are programmed to follow blindly and our individuality is consumed by fear of standing out or being isolated.

The programming that we experience early on in our childhood is often experienced as judgement and criticism.

In our early years before school our imagination is not only tolerated but encouraged and celebrated. We are a source of amusement when we delight at snowflakes and muddy puddles.

However as we grow older there are phrases that can become all too frequently heard both orally and written in school reports.

How many of us were told we were too much or not enough?

Well meaning teachers make remarks on our school reports

that we are:

Too quiet

Too noisy.

Too fidgety

Too distracted

Doesn't apply herself

Doesn't ask enough questions

Doesn't engage enough

So it goes on.

These statements are directly aimed at the identity of the youngsters who over time are left to believe that if they don't fit into the carefully prescribed box of success they are in some way inferior. Often this is a lose lose circle as the child struggles to gain approval and each time the mark is missed feel demotivated and lacking. In turn the teacher backs up the failing students opinion of themselves as they fail to fit that all important success box.

No wonder we can become so blinkered into believing there is only one way to be successful and continue to seek out that all encompassing and highly prized approval as a sense of acceptance has not been instilled in us. Too much and not enough are one and the same not acceptable.

And yet there is the opportunity to undo this old paradigm and it starts with being consciously aware that the logical rational side of us doesn't believe the perpetually undermining stories that play out.

With awareness comes choice. As always there is a positive intention to the old habit and it is usually continuing due to the whole belief system having been frozen in past trauma.

It is obvious when the old belief is sounded out loud that it does not fit with the adult present today and yet this old behaviour continues.

'By finding the courage to be ourselves we gain the power to make a difference'

Lindsay Stirling

But what does the young version of us require to be able to relinquish the hold this detrimental pattern has. Well, anything but criticism and judgement. What that shadow of us really yearns for is the very things we did not receive at the time - kindness, forgiveness, understanding and compassion.

To unlock the grip and power of these rigid and unhelpful decisions we have made about ourselves we need to accept and acknowledge the past and recognise we were doing our best. It is not easy to be in the world being authentic when we have been spoon fed we are anything but acceptable.

The mask we have built protects our vulnerable and deficient authentic self. We have been shamed into conformity that there is just one version of good enough and we hide the attributes that have not been celebrated.

Of course those who have criticised and judged are likely to be wearing their own masks and are under the same illusion of one template fits all.

When we take a closer look at those that played a part in moulding our persona we begin to see that it has not served them well either as they pursue what they believe is unobtainable with inadequate resources.

In our maturity it is much easier to question the decisions and beliefs we live by and take stock of what we as perfect imperfect humans really want? When we can dare to believe we deserve better and say to ourselves:

'I am the best version of me today and I am ready to explore and give space to expansion and curiosity' our perspective becomes open and the possibilities are infinite.

We can suspend the judgement and criticism placed on us when we fully understand the speaker expressed their internal world and it was never about us.

Once you arrive at a place of possibility it is time to work with shifting the energies of the unconscious mind and the credibility of others, comments and beliefs about you.

Are you ready to embody your sense of being enough and own and hone your sense of self?

Heart Felt Joy

Thu, 09 Nov 2023 17:27:35 GMT

Freeing Your Innate Inner Power

Joy is accessible to all of us when our mindset is optimistic and we remain open hearted.

When we are gripped by feelings of jealousy and the accompanying unhelpful thought patterns our rational can be overtaken and victim mentality can creep in.

This mode of thinking can translate in to dissatisfaction with our lot and foster resentment towards those we think are more fortunate. If these emotions become persistent they detract from our own ability to experience joy.

Learning to embrace and establish our own ability to connect and thrive through our heart helps to bring awareness to how consistent jealousy sabotages our capacity to experience joy and develop the natural orientation to detect and pursue joy in the smallest of things.

Jealousy, envy and the resulting resentment blocks & misleads us in to reacting against others' joy.

As if by adopting a stance against those with joy in their hearts, the very thing we yearn for or believe we should have, helps us feel better in some way.

The resulting reality couldn't be further from the truth.

It is not as easy as just recognising this behaviour and the answer can be found in working on our own self love. By invoking love for ourselves we open up the gates to resonating and receiving joy. The deeper we feel this genuine acceptance of our imperfect perfect selves the more our hearts become aligned to seeking out joy.

An underlying belief that if someone else has joy there is not enough to go around and it somehow detracts from our share of joy is a sign of a lacking mentality. Joy is not a commodity that runs out, it is created at source by each individual and is more likely to escalate exponentially with each of us that radiates joy.

If we give ourselves the gift of celebrating others' joy it elevates our own capacity for joy as it effortlessly spreads and shares when we inhabit a heart led life.

We have all experienced wounds to the heart and often we learn to barricade our bruised heart to prevent any further pain. The unintended consequence is rather than experience joy and love safely, we inflict our own pain through jealousy, envy and resentment. It is not possible to be fluent in joy with a locked heart.

We can fall in to a pattern of believing 'It's not fair!' and blame the outside world for our misery which is a sure route for a lonely bitter existence.

The media perpetuates the misery message constantly churning out reasons why we should be resentful of others, living in fear while they attempt to sell us happiness solutions.

It is pertinent to remember that our lens on the world is carved and created by our inner landscape which comprises of our beliefs projected in the external as truths.

Beware of being covertly directed to a view of a situation and question the agenda. If we are heart bound and fearful we are more prone to whatever staged message is being promoted.

Joy does not arrive because we bought a new gadget that has been marketed as SMART and is going to make our life easier and take the dog for a walk and even take the bins out. There maybe a flicker of excitement that is soon extinguished when the new Mega XL version is launched a week later with a wash the car feature and next door have already bought it!

These external enticers are marketed to the joy seekers who have as yet not awakened to the fact that joy is not created by anyone but ourselves and certainly does not require the latest technology to ignite.

To engage with our own heart felt joy it requires a reconnection to our inner world and to unleash the power of our hearts. Our higher self has been waiting and patiently nudging us to move away from the noise, glitz, glamour and distraction of the superficial world we are immersed in.

By just committing to ten minutes daily to self investment such as meditation or simply time to focus on connecting to our hearts with the intention of emanating infinite love can reap untold personal rewards. Breathing in to our hearts and directing the joy and love in to our external world not only lifts our spirits it touches and shapes hearts around us. This practice can unravel the hurt and pain, release the jealousy and envy and stop the path to resentment and bitterness.

Consistent practice creates gradual and persistent movement until it reaches a tipping point at which the joy has become so powerful it is a force of nature. Even when faced with situations that test us we become more easily able to recover and develop a deep sense of ease and resilience.

We seek out others' joy when our hearts are leading and defining our path. We thrive on hearing of others' success and good fortune. This natural flow feeds into the frequency all around us and nourishes our hearts.

We evolve in to joy magnets and our joy quotient is unstoppable!

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

The Power of Intention

Tue, 08 Aug 2023 12:06:54 GMT

Consciously Create Waves

Intention is the forerunner of every action we take and paths the way for what we reap.

Intention can be the difference between a discussion and an argument.

We often don’t realise that when we are trying to raise a sensitive subject the receiver in the situation does not always pick up on the intention as it may not be consciously and clearly focused and sent.

I am sure we have all experienced a discussion that seems to explode out of control and ends up in a shouting match as we are left bemused as to how it got so out of hand.

There are also times where we pick up on an intention that is perhaps not feeling comfortable for us despite the speaker’s choice of soothing words.

The majority of interactions can be misinterpreted if we are attempting to communicate with someone who is in a disempowering emotional state. Sometimes no matter what we say it is going to be met with the current mood of the receiver. Pick your moment!

However, when we are more aware of our own intention it can make a vital difference. The intention is usually simple such as – to show love or to create harmony but can be hidden by criticism and judgement that clouds the whole delivery of the message. The positive intention when quantified is easier to convey. Stating a positive intention before an interaction is helpful for both the speaker and the receiver. A bridge can be built to the receiver’s world just by being more explicit. A verbal version of sending a gift who could resist!

Carefully Constructed Words

Before any interaction that could raise some raw emotion, it is advisable to think carefully about the words. Remember to remove any blaming language or emotive perceptions. Stick to the facts and separate out your emotions from the actions of the other person.

The reactions you would receive from the following statements would be completely the opposite ends of the spectrum. Imagine receiving these statements and how you would feel:

You didn’t take out the bins and it really upsets me that you are so lazy. You never get things done!

When the bins were not taken out yesterday, I felt upset. It is important to me that we work as a team, would it work better for you on another day?

When we blame as in the first statement the receiver stops listening and therefore, we continue to feel upset with no movement towards a better resolution. This method could breed resentment into the relationship.

The second statement allows the speaker to own the emotions while stating the factual situation and their need in a positive way that will more likely heard and understood. It also incorporates an option to negotiate a new win-win agreement.

Tone of Voice

To deliver this statement effectively tone of voice completely changes and enhances the intention. We have all been made to apologise to our siblings as young children and been witness to the complaints that we didn’t say it like we really meant it.

Tone of voice either confirms or denies the words we choose.

Intention underpins all of our communication even when we don’t say anything our energy is communicating something and stonewalling leads to complete breakdown of relationships so don’t leave it to chance be concise and careful that your message fits with your intention.

If we want to avoid any miscommunication it is crucial that the intention fits with the words and supports the tone of voice. Intention comes from the heart and being aware and consciously creating our positive intention ahead of the discussion is invaluable in keeping the message clear and at the highest possible intention.

When intention is of this high calibre it is easier to express an honest transaction that does not demand but rather opens up discussion for a mutually beneficial result.

Whether we are aware of it or not we are constantly sending out intention which is felt by those around us as our energy frequency is regulated by our emotional state which influences our intention.

Intention and the Written Word

It is far more challenging to put intention into the written word when we are constantly sending texts and E-Mails. Remember the receiver reads these messages in their current emotional state and we completely rely on the efficacy of the chosen words.

However, it can be achieved when we first take time to become aware of our own emotional state. We can scan our energy field to see if it is in alignment with effectively delivering the message and conducive with being connected to our heart.

When we achieve this heart harmony it allows us to effortlessly infuse the words with loving honest intention. When we request an action or response it is wise to also recognise the receiver’s challenges in meeting with the request.

We may not always get what we want, but in any negotiation the purpose is to move towards a resolution by speaking to the receiver’s heart which creates a sense of safety and openness to engage.

'Be mindful of intention. Intention is the seed that creates the future'

Jack Kornfield

Pure Heart Led Intention

Heart led intention is a vehicle for directing our own life and becomes more powerful when it is pure.

Pure intention is the difference between trying something and just going for it. The difference between dipping your toe into the swimming pool and jumping full pelt off of the diving board. When you surrender to an intention there is a force that is greater than ourselves that takes over. It is the permission the universe has been waiting for to put the wheels in motion and send the synchronicities and the people needed to carry out our committed intentions.

Many of us don’t find it easy to surrender and equate it to giving up but surrender is a supreme act of faith. It is allowing the energy we have created with our intention to gain power, expand and move under its own volition with a sense of knowing we have lit the spark and it is only our role to observe the path it carves. A lesson in releasing the need to control.

Imagine that unbridled purposeful unstoppable leap from the diving board and the inevitable resulting splash. The force was created by you but the water displacement and seemingly never- ending waves and ripples cannot be reined in.

As people our greatest achievements happen when we join in mutual intention. When we raise our own frequency with meditation, EFT or other energy modalities we cannot help but affect those around us. The effects are infinite and the majority of the time we are creating some form of intention without realising the potential benefits when finely tuned and directed.

The power of prayer has been researched and documented over time and defies the belief of some. But for those who understand the power of the frequency they are creating it is inevitable that their directed high frequency energy and intention will have a beneficial effect.

When we reflect on our own habits and lifestyles with the intention of honest disclosure it can be revealing and powerful to become aware of just how powerful we are in manifesting our own vehicles of evolution.

When we implement pure heart led intention be open and ready for change it is inevitable.

The critical question before any conscious shift in thought, habit and action is:

‘What is my pure and heart felt intention?’

Karen Oliver

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

For the Love of Pets

Sat, 15 Apr 2023 09:51:42 GMT

In Loving Memory of Daisy

They say we are a nation of animal lovers and we truly do take our furry friends into our families and lavish them with love as we talk to them as if they understand every single word.

And they thrive on the intention of the energy we resonate from our very hearts. They take on our emotions and lift our day just with a look or a nudge or a wag of the tail.

The service our companions give is unwavering and so pure of spirit.

We are at our best when we love them as we exhibit a deep sense of our divine essence in the care we give only expecting back that they are at home with us an intrinsic place reserved for only them.

We depend on them being there when we return home from the world outside bruised and battered and in need of a friendly face. They understand our woes and voluntarily ease our sorrows and sooth our minds just with their presence, a chin on our lap and doleful eyes.

They distract us from our challenges and bring us to tears of laughter with their antics. We never tire of telling the stories of their adventures.

But they are only here for a short duration as much as we would like to hold on tight and keep them close. As we invest so much love the least easy thing to do is to give them permission to go., but to let them go we must!

The service is complete, the lessons are learnt and it is time to let them rest. They have undoubtedly taught us life lessons and were sent to open our hearts. To know the depth of kindness and compassion we possess and give through the responsibility of those who trust us implicitly. So reliant on us to ensure they are properly fed and watered, exercised and given copious amounts of complete and joyful attention.

They teach us how to live in the present, embracing every grain of life and opportunity. No matter what their challenges they will view life with fervent curiosity and joy.

Giving for the sake of giving.

Life without limit..

Loving without question.

They touch us so deeply there are no words capable of describing our feelings and have the capability of opening us up to the possibility we are divine and that our very existence is to explore from a place of complete acceptance.

They take down the barricades we have built as we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, open and trusting. Elements of ourselves often hidden away for fear of hurt.

Whatever our belief: Source, God, the Big Cheese, our little companions are sent to elicit our light and unleash the power we hold when we let go of judgement, criticism and the moral high ground. When we have come to know the answer is to engage our heart in all that we do we gain access to the key of freedom.

They have the innate ability to lift us from the 3D world we live in to a spiritual euphoria of peace and contentment. So exquisitely designed to bring humanity to a sense of oneness and connection.

No wonder we don't want it to end!

But the end is part of the lesson and giving permission for them to leave is a merciful blessing we can bestow on our benevolent buddies.

Be sure they knew our love and wanted nothing more.

The legacy they leave is inescapable and immeasurable.

We embody the lessons of their existence and they live on in our hearts.

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

How Have Your Resolutions Stood up in January?

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Sat, 28 Jan 2023 06:57:54 GMT

Learning to Review, Reflect and Align

As we are nearly at the end of the first month of the year what does January represent to you?

' January' originated before the year 1000 from Middle English, ultimately deriving from the Latin noun use of Jānuārius, equivalent to Jānus .

Jānus in ancient Roman culture was a god of doorways, beginnings, and the rising and setting of the sun. The name comes from the Latin jānus, meaning “doorway, archway, arcade.”

January therefore has become traditionally known as the month for making changes.

Did you make resolutions?

Are they still standing?

The very nature of resolutions can leave us feeling pressured and if they don't endure even the month, ultimately feeling guilty. The majority of resolutions involve taking up something you feel you 'should' do or giving up something you perceive as pleasurable.

Dry January is a common short term resolution that many struggle with even though it is designed to last for just one month. I have heard many talk about how they had committed to dry January only to fall off the wagon by the end of the week.

Many describe it as 'being good' which implies they have 'been bad' when drinking alcohol. The assessment that having a drink is bad gives rise to conflicting feelings about something many just find pleasurable when done in moderation.

Drink, as with any other substance, is often used as reward and although this concept can become an issue in itself. Just denying it when there are clearly emotions involved with consuming the substance is far more likely to lead to failure. As soon as we see ourselves as giving it up and being virtuous we are likely to perceive it as deprivation and the very emotions we abate when partaking pull us back into the loop.

As people we are driven by pleasure and pain and deprivation is likely to feel painful and build experience and belief that it is hard and to be avoided.

The same pattern can become apparent with committing to physical exercise or promising to ourselves to defeat procrastination or old unhelpful habits etc. There can be many reasons that cannot be logically rationalised, as they exist in our unconscious minds, for why we have not changed these habits. Our unconscious minds are emotional and cannot be reasoned with, it stores the history of our experience and holds our beliefs.

For example if you believe you cannot go out with friends without having a drink you are likely to feel compelled to have a drink. This compulsion is far stronger than any logical words you might tell yourself.

A secondary gain is often present keeping our current behaviour that requires addressing until we make changes in our underlying belief. What is gained by keeping this old habit?

Ready for Change?

Often we are not ready for the changes we think we 'should' do. There may be steps to take before those changes can be implemented. The behaviours that we consistently do will have a perceived emotional benefit and until we neutralise the feeling of deprivation this old behaviour will remain.

It is not surprising resolutions that are not aligned with our perception of pleasure do not have longevity. The way forward is in connecting emotionally to a change as a benefit. What are we gaining - health, fitness, a vocation?

January is an opportunity to review where we are and what direction would bring us joy. It is a time to amplify the things we like that take us in a direction that aids our spiritual development. A time to explore what makes us tick!

No amount of shoving, pushing and blackmailing ourselves is going to bring about sustainable and positive growth.

It could be that we have emotional blocks when considering our journey which often involves ability, deservedness and historic programming. If these challenges are consistently blocking progress I would recommend consulting a professional to help to overcome these obstacles and discover direction and empowerment.

Alignment with Goals

But often not being able to sustain movement and progress is due to not being completely in alignment with what would be beneficial for ourselves and we end up fight ourselves. The consistent push in the wrong direction can be a sign of unconscious programming from our early care givers.

With the best possible intentions we can be programmed to believe a life route is meant for us but our whole being is shouting at us 'no' which culminates in the form of tension and stress or even physical symptoms.

Bypassing our innate knowing happens when our programming convinces us that the choices we make need to fit in with society. That which is considered worthwhile and respectable and gains validity and approval from those close to us.

Often when we don't feel able to make these shifts we resort to the very things we want to change such as alcohol, smoking or stopping an exercise regime. Ironically when we feel loving and accepting towards ourselves we are far more likely to achieve than when we punish and chastise ourselves for the choices we make.

Developing compassion for ourselves even when we give up on a new beneficial change is far more likely to allow us to bounce back and resume the behaviour we want more quickly.

The ability to say to ourselves: 'Oh well one cake it is ok, I made a mistake' is more likely to stop the pattern than 'I am so stupid and I have ruined it' which is likely to lead to more cakes and lots of chastising.

For any goal to be achievable and worthwhile it is crucial that our heart is aligned with the proposed plan of change as without the passion the achievement either does not come to fruition or is devoid of the fulfilment that was promised.

While we are all directed to the external world and distracted by the infinite information that bombards our senses and the messages as to what we need to know and do the internal world lays dormant and untapped.

We can be forgiven for believing all vital knowledge is external. It is a programming most of us have received since primary school. it is time now to get to know the infinite wisdom we hold that can be honed and focused. The intuition that has always been present can be sharpened. These natural skills we are born with have been ignored and dumbed down for centuries. Our own subtle senses are more important now and can be practised and directed for the betterment of not only ourselves but all of those around us.

When developed these skills aid us to navigate our way to fulfilment. Challenges are easier to overcome and the resilience built will carry us through life.

Developing Higher Self and Purpose

Alignment to our higher self is crucial to following our own path. It may not be what those around us consider worthwhile or suitable but the only opinion that counts is our own. We cannot live someone else's dreams.

Taking time to reflect and connect with our higher self that knows and wants the best for us is very rewarding. The simplest way to start is through meditation and silence. Most of us spend our lives in a noisy world that leaves little space for silence and self reflection.

It is only when we remove the noise that we are able to gain insight into our true purpose.

The more we gift ourselves time set aside for space for ourselves the easier it becomes to be in our bodies and aware of our highest purpose and needs.

When we start to learn to take notice of our emotions which are our senses, signposts and red flags for assessing our own progress, we learn to work through our challenges rather than suppress our feelings.

“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Our emotions are sending messages consistently for us to take note of and if necessary redirect our attentions. When we become practiced at being with our emotions rather than avoiding them we develop our resilience which ultimately leads to freedom. We are no longer trapped by our emotions. We learn to allow them, and like everything, they are transitional and pass. The old habits we are trying to change may not be easy to alter simply because we are avoiding uncomfortable emotions.

Respecting, honouring and acknowledging our needs is necessary when reflecting and discerning a new direction.

When you have built a loving compassionate relationship with your self your own worth validates your opinions and choices. Being at peace with being a perfect imperfect human being deepens an inner knowing of what you want and how to get there.

Real achievement does not come from a sense of not being enough

but a sense of wholeness that drives us with enthusiasm because we are enough.

We have reached a point of transformation where we enjoy celebrating and enhancing our gifts.

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

01932 403780/07782 381855

What is the Recipe for a Life Well Spent?

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Fri, 25 Nov 2022 11:59:00 GMT

Discovering and utilising Free Will

How many of us believe we live to the beat of our own drum, follow our own path and create our own view of our destiny?

What we may not note is that none of us have survived unscathed from the programming of society and with the day-to-day chores we rush through our days and don't always have time to think about the big questions. As long as today was ok we can muddle through.

It is like a game of monopoly avoiding Mayfair with its hotel, fearful of landing on Chance and hoping to get past go safely to receive £200.

It is not until we have a landmark birthday or an incident that knocks us off our usual hamster wheel that we really take stock. Often when uncomfortable feelings arise, we find ways of quelling them by numbing, distracting or avoiding and it is so easy to keep busy when we don't feel we have any say in our direction.

Our lives seem to be set out for us like a movie. each day unfolding and the best we can do is steer the ship out of choppy waters. When we live our lives unconsciously, we can be hijacked by primal needs to remain safe and not to take risks, so we just follow the norm and keep our heads down.

But since when has life been safe?

One thing we know for sure is we are not going to get out alive!

What do we ever learn from remaining in our comfort zone?

In recent years an awakening has taken place and a higher percentage of the population have taken to being more reflective, more questioning and unplugging from the programming that has been silently and covertly streaming into our frequencies and influencing our perceived options for centuries.

Many have become discontent with being armchair adventurers and yearn for real experience, seeing beyond the appeal of virtual reality and the trap of constant screen time directing our thoughts with subliminal messages.

Whose life have we been living? The discontent that has been hidden and suppressed to stop us stepping out of suburban normality has finally got so loud it can no longer be ignored.

The film Free Guy with Ryan Reynolds perfectly depicts our uncomfortable comfort zone. He lives a simple life as part of the background figures in a computer game doing the same things living routine life without question and seemingly content with his lot. That is until he puts on a pair of glasses that allows him to view a whole new perspective. It changes Guy's life for the better as he exercises free will.

How many times have we told ourselves how we 'should' be almost like we have a blueprint of what our life 'should' look like and anything outside of that is disregarded as not possible.

Who designed the blueprint?

Until we are truly aware it is not easy to exercise our own free will. How do we really know when we are using our own free will? We are constantly being influenced by those around us, media and society. Many of our beliefs that we live by as our truths were firmly planted in our formative years.

The mental health issues that continue to escalate are frequently a result of forcing against our own nature for life's path that is expected or acceptable. And even when the decisions we are making go against every grain of our being, we are encouraged to do the right thing.

But who knows what that is? Only us as individuals!

Einstein famously said:

' If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you always got and that is madness!'

And yet our recipe for life remains the same expecting the perfect cake!

The expectations of society have been bearing down on us and seeping into every corner of our lives. it is easier in the short term to comply but leaves a long-term sense of dissatisfaction.

At the pinch points in our lives when we reflect, we might question where is the fulfilment this route has promised? We may have many material trappings that are evidence of a 'good life' and yet there is an emptiness that can never be filled by the latest tech or the flashiest car.

It is only when we do question;

Who wrote this rule book we have lived by?

What's the purpose of these guidelines?

How is it serving us right now?

We begin to exercise our own free will which becomes available to us when we start to live more consciously.

By raising our consciousness we upgrade to being the author of our own story. Many of us have been programmed with fear of consequence and our view of possibilities and opportunities blinkered. When we can finally step into our personal power, we gain a clear view and notice the tone of our life is directed by our own intention. Setting intention is pivotal and serves as a fore runner for our actions. Living an intentional life keeps us on track and reminds us of the important elements that make up a meaningful existence.

' We can only perceive what we believe, and we can only create within our own possibilities.'

When we live in the shadows, we not only short-change ourselves, but we also cheat the world of our divine light and purpose. Often we can be more adverse to shining our light, more concerned about achieving success than failure and do ourselves down to fit the pigeon hole we have been allocated.

Accepting how we feel is a large element of stepping into the life we desire. When we feel uncomfortable, or angry, or upset be assured we are living and learning. As human beings we were designed to experience all of our emotions and they are purely a gauge. Allowing every emotion as an experience without judgement eases our suffering and lets us move through them and let go.

Often we attempt to dumb down these uncomfortable feelings as they are too painful or not acceptable. Many attempt to block them out, but our emotions only become an issue when we apply meaning and attach to them as if we are the emotion. Emotions are purely energy in motion and are transitional when we allow them to be.

How easy is it to live on the crest of a wave? No one has to dig deep to endure the good times. The challenging times are the makers of personality, the strengthening of our resilience, the moments our light is visible.

Choosing to take a route that is less trodden is courageous and fine tunes our resolve. If we want mundane then keep on sleepwalking.

But if we want a life well spent where we have weathered the scrapes and the knocks and have got back up with more fortitude and enlightenment;

Source your own ingredients

Create your own recipe

Decide on your method

And savour the fulfilment!

Karen Oliver

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

01932 403780/07782 381855

The Importance of Being Grounded

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 13:32:55 GMT

How to Secure Your Foundations

Grounding can have a few definitions and I would like to explore the personal grounding that each of us requires to give a sense of being acceptable and lovable for who we are. I believe that being grounded is vital for the foundations of our mental health and wellbeing.

The grounding I am looking at is the anchor that keeps us in touch with who we are and our purpose. Remaining firm in honouring the essence of our uniqueness is fundamental to thrive.

This doesn't mean we become inflexible or rigid, on the contrary, it allows us to take a look at what is presented to us more easily and objectively and make decisions based on our grounded foundations that are unwavering. There can be a tendency to take things personally when we are not able to ground ourselves just as we are and therefore limit our ability for objectivity. We are more likely to reject incoming information or interaction when we do not possess the resilience that having strong foundations gives us and we can feel vulnerable if our guard isn't up for fear of attack.

We all change as we grow, and learn. Our priorities, direction and focus may change many times during our life time, but there is an underlying blueprint that drives our spirit that is consistent and our life's energy source.

Letting go of Lacking

It is not always easy to establish this type of grounding as we can be surrounded by information that undermines our values, beliefs and even sense of identity.

The confusion that can take over leaves us feeling anything but grounded and prevents us from being able to really know what is right for us as individuals. We can easily be persuaded by clever marketing that we do not have everything we need, that we are lacking and therefore cannot move forward until we have some product or service.

I am sure we have all been in the position of completing some form of training and finally we think we possess enough knowledge and experience to move forward and up comes another message on our feed that to really excel we need yet some further skill!

The danger of this lacking mentality is that we will never have enough skill, knowledge, experience, tools etc. to get started!

It is the purpose of the lacking brigade to convince us to invest in yet more to be enough. These type of subliminal messages have become common place and dictate to those with no foundation how they should look, act and even feel! Consequently we have ended up with a high proportion of people who are reaching for success in a way that will never bring fulfilment.

The upshot of this programming has lead to a lack of ability to think for ourselves with many of us fearful of the fall out of standing up and giving out a different message.

Our strengths and skills are what we bring to the universal table, our offerings, and if we do not feel a sense of grounding this is likely to limit our vital input for our families, communities and ourselves.

When we are grounded we have the ability to remain present which in itself is both calming and powerful. The past is history which is only useful to learn lessons and can be dismissed out of our energy field and archived. The future can only be shaped by our thoughts, responses and actions that take place today. Grounding requires us to be in our bodies and just by focusing on our breathing or gently stroking our arms we can become more grounded. Many of us utilise our energy in thought and drift away from the body totally unaware of our bodily sensations unless in discomfort. Just taking time to reconnect is a worthwhile, necessary and beneficial practice.

'Like a tree you have to find your roots and then you can bend in the wind'

Angela Farmer

It is much easier when we are not floating around in our heads, only as acceptable as the last thought or input from others, to really 'just be'. To be grounded and acceptable just as we are and not have to do anything.

There are many reasons we have not been able to develop the necessary grounding to come forward and share the skills and insights that we have been bestowed with. These are likely to include some form of perceived trauma. However, despite the cause there are steps we can take to develop our grounding.

Steps to Secure Grounding

Start by reminding yourself most everything is an opinion and yours is just as valid as anyone else's.
Remember a time when you really wanted to come forward and a big part of you said you can contribute to this in a really positive way.
What do you need now to be able to come forward and share?
If it is a resource such as: confidence, courage, faith; imagine you could activate them from inside or you.
How would you look, sound and feel if you had those resources? If it is easier become aware of someone you know that has these resources and beam the resources to you in the form of a bright light.
What colour makes sense to you? Make it vibrant and vivid.
Imagine receiving those incredible resources from the coloured light that illuminates you from head to toe. Maybe they were there all along and they just needed activating with light.
It is like flipping a switch. It was in your control all along and it is safe now to flip that switch.
And when you flip that switch notice how much more deeply grounded you feel.
Allow that vibrant coloured light that surrounds you to become even more vibrant and vivid and notice how it continues to resonate out expanding your foundations.
How do you now look, sound and feel?
How do you hold yourself, breathe, speak?
How would you respond differently?
Notice how you can now stand firm and no matter what comes you can weather the storm because you know what you are standing for is important to you and others.
These new found foundations are building and holding you firm with each breath they grow deeper and no matter what happens outside of yourself you feel that inner safety.
Project yourself to the future and a situation where you can contribute and notice the positive force that supports and grounds you as you joyfully bring your energy to the table.
It is like a piece of the puzzle, everyone has their part to play and no one is right or wrong each opinion, each input brings shape and colour to ideas and helps to create a strong vision of what is needed for any project.
As you step forward with your unique view you know it is valuable and without attachment share your knowledge, experience, energy.
Know that the more you allow your light to shine the deeper your grounding and the easier you feel to express your valuable essence.

Building foundations to create grounding frees us to shine our light which transforms our previous lacking into complete abundance. Shining our light can trigger others to follow, creating a chain reaction that benefits us all as a collective!

'Let your light shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.'

Katrina Mayer

Karen Oliver

Energy Psychologist & Energy Healing Practitioner

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

5 Steps to Heart Centred Living

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Thu, 14 Apr 2022 09:09:18 GMT

Being in Love with Your Life

It is not always easy to remain heart centred when we are not taught how to be emotional and in fact often we are taught not to be emotional, In the west we are constantly receiving accolades for being logical and rational and keeping our emotions in check.

Heart centred living is a concept that is at odds with the concepts we have learnt . What does it mean to attain heart centred living?

Over our lifetime the majority of us have been programmed to live through logic and rational thought and many have been discouraged from showing or expressing emotions.

How many of us just allow our life to run on automatic as we cope with daily pressures. Often the best we can do at the end of a work day is to feed ourselves and fall in to bed. And while we stumble through our lives doing what we have come to believe will bring us success, how often does this way of existing feel fulfilling or joyful?

Many of us would consider we are just going through the motions and have no energy to question the current status quo despite being less than satisfied with what we are doing or where we are heading.

To add to this general dissatisfaction, if we were to explore our direction we can feel unable to muster up the energy or insight to regroup and look at what we could do. After all we have probably been following advice and guidance installed over many years and it is not easy to think outside of the box when we have no idea there is an alternative or fear moving away from the 'norm'.

The programming we are still under is very effective and has been a constant drip feed from well intentioned parents to curriculum limited schools, colleges and universities. We have to question how much of what we have learnt has proven to be useful. Were we taught to be heart centred free thinkers or taught skills and knowledge that keeps us within a universal 'norm' that is not conducive with spotlighting our natural talents and supporting our creative developing mindset.

How are we supposed to live heart centred lives when the framework of society is only working towards conformity. For those of us who are not destined to be made to fit in a square hole it can undermine our quest for living in alignment with our heart.

We can be forgiven for thinking what is it all about? Perhaps that is why we put our heads down and distract ourselves from too much analysis and questioning. Follow in our parents footsteps rather than shake the cage.

It is hardly surprising that the status of our mental health as a species has continued to suffer and the need for mental health support has risen exponentially. But we seem to be looking at mental health challenges from the perspective of fixing superficially rather than changing the current state of society that is the very thing that undermines and does not support our wellbeing.

We were never suited for long hours of mental pressure and stress to follow a career and/or lifestyle. Stress is a short term strategy to move us from life threatening situations to safety. But the 21st century human being has been taught to push and shove and wrestle with ourselves to constantly achieve. There is no sitting back and enjoying the fruits or our labour, just hard slog and consistent tension to do more! Be more productive!

This style of living has reaped havoc on our immune systems and adrenals as we are never very far away from adrenal overload flooding our system with adrenaline and cortisol. We are tempted with promises of what might be but never quite get there and have to just continue to push on further.

How often are we taught to engage with our dreams and passions to know what is right for us as individuals. We are encouraged to believe in magic and make believe pre-school and to express ourselves only to be told to sit down, shut up and listen at school. We are taught to follow our dreams within the confines of what is considered acceptable and not to connect to our heart when making decisions..

We have been mislead to believe that the answers were external to us and to chase happiness by committing to frequently mindless and purposeless hard work. A life of chasing the carrot in a fruitless effort for enlightenment and the promise of a charmed life we see play out on screen. This message of lacking propels us to seek abundance in a desperate and joyless fashion that can only end in frustration.

To find true contentment requires a complete mind shift and spiritual awakening. There is much debate what it means to follow a spiritual path and the easiest explanation is living in a heightened awareness. Personal awareness is a gradual journey that strips away beliefs that do not fit with our contentment. Often these past beliefs were unwittingly passed on by our care givers. Awareness brings us new opportunity to discover our own purpose and unique offering to the world.

We are all born with the capacity to live in a heart centred way and young children fully harness contentment and do what brings their heart joy.. The simplest of things can bring wonder and fascination. Learning about the world around them is fun.

Bringing back the heart centred joy in every day life is the secret. Love and joy is not something we aim towards it is a way of being now that carries us through life and supports and shapes our decisions.

5 Steps to Heart Centred Living

How can you take steps towards heart centred living?

Ask yourself what you would get out of bed and do without being asked just out of joy? What in life are you so passionate about that you get excited when thinking about it? Maybe it is painting, dancing or animals.

Whatever it is how could you incorporate more of it into your life? Could you develop a career around it?

2. What energy disrupting and frequency lowering beliefs have you held? It is easiest to notice these when you are working towards something you really want. These limiting beliefs talk you down and stop you making progress.

When you identify these beliefs ask yourself two very important questions.

1, Is this true?

2. Can I do anything about it?

When asking the first question it can be easier to get a friend to say out loud the belief statement and notice your reaction to it. In most cases the truth of the belief has not been challenged before it has just run over a long period and been taken as truth. It may feel outdated and sometimes even ridiculous that you remained living with this belief as if it were true. When you have identified the level of truth in this statement it is easier to let it go as it loosens in your unconscious.

For the second question as the belief in question is held by you, the answer will always be yes and this allows you to decide what changes you want to make. Please do take a look at my EFT Tap to help to create movement and diminish the affect of this old belief that is likely to be infantile and outmoded. If it is a core belief it can be beneficial to seek an energy practitioners' help as a core belief is easier seen and dissipated with professional help.

3, To embody being love centred forgiveness of yourself is crucial. We may say that we forgive ourselves, but in reality if we are still harbouring unhelpful emotion around ourselves and how we behave in the world it is likely the forgiveness has not been fully processed and the critical words have resonated internally and live in your energy field.

Becoming aware of the words and thoughts you have allowed to vibrate gives you a way of making change. Notice the words you use and what emotion they resonate with. Critical words and thoughts vibrate at the same rate as fear - low and dense.

When you recognise these limiting words and thoughts it is much easier to remove them by learning to move from fear to love. To start to create movement bring to your conscious awareness that which you love unconditionally. Maybe a child, a pet or nature. Allow that love to expand your heart with pure light and notice how it seeps into every cell of your being and with each breath expand that love out to the edge of your aura. Notice the expansive nature of this energy that is far bigger and beyond you. Become aware of its infinite nature as it just keeps growing. Enjoy the feeling as you vibrate on the frequency and power of love.

Now that you know how you feel heart centred love you can recall this anytime you choose. Heart centred love is your creation and you choose when and how you feel it. Like any other practice the more you do it the easier and more powerful it becomes.

4. Heart centred living relies on being present in the now and accepting of what is. This is not to say that you may like the current situation, but that you accept the current position rather than fight it. If as in step 2 you cannot make any change to the current situation you will be able to discern whether your attention and focus are best redirected. Life does not always go to plan and acceptance is key to making the best of what is and the now moment. It is important to identify if you are present and this can be confirmed easily by becoming more aware of your body..

Notice if you can feel sensations in your body? When you are purely functioning within your head there is no sense of being in your body in the now. Just by breathing more consciously and filling your lung capacity you will return to your body.

To further this sense of being present cross your arms and place your hands just above your opposite elbow. Gently tap each hand bilaterally on each arm. Continue to do this for a minute or two. Not only will you feel more in your body and grounded it will encourage a sense of calm and love.

Being in the now gives you power to make positive change as you let go of the pressure of time. Imagine suspending time and as you do slowing down your breathing, slowing down your heart rate.

Become more aware of the space you have as you slow everything down. Space has no limit and you can begin to notice the space within your mind. Space to think or not, space to enjoy this moment right now where you are right now. There are no issues in the now. Enjoy the space you have to be in the now.

In the wholeness of this present state notice how much more open you feel. Open to ideas, open to new thoughts and open to opportunities.

Open your heart to this now moment as you become aware of the rhythm of your life as it slowly beats and allows you to be more fluid and easy following the flow of your body. Your heart is your life force and vibrating at the frequency of love is the fuel of your life force in every moment.

5. Learning to thrive with your emotions is crucial to how you respond to life. Allow each emotion to be fully acknowledged. Honour the emotion, allow yourself to just be with the emotion. Allow the natural movement of the emotion through you.

There are no bad emotions. You have been blessed with emotions to learn to work with them and alongside them. You are not your emotions, your emotions are a gauge of how you are. Welcome the feedback system as information on your current wellbeing and allow yourself time to process and decide on whether you are required to respond or not?

If you suppress emotions that do not feel comfortable the emotion is prolonged and can become stuck. Emotions were meant to be felt and released. When you resist they persist. Remind yourself everything passes. In this moment with this emotion I am still safe. In this moment with this emotion I can still choose how to respond.

Heart centred living is the opportunity to be free to connect to all of your emotions and know you are developing your resilience.

When you have mastered this step you have managed fear. This does not mean you will not feel fear but it does mean you will no longer fear feeling fear or any other uncomfortable feeling and know emotions for what they really are - a messaging system of your wellbeing. Remain true to you and your purpose and work with your emotions as an advantage to knowing and being.

Heart centred living is the ability to connect, express, accept, make mistakes and grow in love.

Life's lessons are an opportunity to elevate you as you touch the world with your emotional honesty.

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Emotionally Hijacked? Tools to Navigate Your Emotions

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Sat, 05 Jun 2021 15:08:49 GMT

Learning the value of Emotional Feedback

In modern society emotions are frequently relegated as states that can get in the way of success. We are often taught to suck it up or hold it in as if emotions are the enemy of achievement.

Often an outburst of emotion can be perceived as a weakness and as children many of us are told 'control yourself' or 'stop being silly.' When our emotions are discounted we take on a judgement that they are wrong or bad.

We have been programmed into hailing the intellect and that logical thinking is the key to success. However, our intellectual learning can be very prescribed and one dimensional when an element of emotion is absent. How can we know what we feel about anything if we filter out our emotions as irrelevant?

Our education system teaches compliance and learning knowledge as if we were an encyclopedia. This method of learning is designed to teach us parrot fashion information that is presumed to be fact and holds very little room for debate. But the world is far more than a bunch of data. It is a living world with many dimensions. It has been shown that we learn best when we are engaged and this requires a level of emotional experience. The more our children are encouraged to interact with opinions and feelings the more we help to develop free thinking adults that are questioning, curious and without fear of getting it wrong.

Since emotions can be considered a nuisance, distraction and stopper, it is hardly surprising we do not find it easy to navigate our emotions and very easily become hijacked by them. We spend so much time suppressing our emotions for fear of actually expressing how we feel until we can not hold back the tide of feelings any longer.

Accepting All Emotions

Very few of us have been taught how to live with our emotions and have learnt to avoid them. There have been specific judgements on perceived negative emotions such as anger and sadness putting further pressure to conceal our feelings. We live in an unrealistic realm of expecting to be content and happy all of the time.

The whole spectrum of emotions are acceptable and require acknowledgement and acceptance. Although we may not want to spend too much time in some emotional states it is important to remember every emotional experience is a biofeedback system. This system provides information about what is happening around us and how and if we need to respond. Without this important element of our humanness it is not possible to make informed decisions.

Emotions have their own frequency and we are constantly checking our environment, body and thoughts for feedback which in turn influence our emotional frequency. I am sure we have all experienced moments where we have walked into a room and felt very uncomfortable and our reaction is to leave. These emotional responses are designed to keep us safe. When we filter them out by suppressing how we feel we are missing one of our vital senses.

Being Present with Your Emotions

Just allowing an emotional state to be present can lead to enlightenment and understanding of ourselves. The best way to allow this to happen is to stop any form of evaluation, analysis or judgement of the state and just be with it. Pure acceptance of our states allow us to navigate, grow and develop.

If there has been some concern about allowing an emotion to be present in your mind and body start by giving yourself a set amount of time and at the end of that time period choose to do some form of physical activity even if it is just going from being seated to standing. If you are able to, go for a short walk outside. Consciously keep your head up your eye line forward and your shoulders down and back. Just by these few steps you can invoke a new emotional state.

With practice, holding space with these emotions becomes a habit and resistance and concern will dissipate. All emotions are transient and it is our interaction that can either hold them in our energy system or allow them to release.

'No matter the feelings, you can transform the energy of your emotions into your power'

Matthew Donnelly

It is important to remember that everything will pass. Resistance to being in an emotional state brings about more perceived fear and judgement that this emotion is bad and overthinking can also lead to believing we as individuals are therefore bad.

Of course there are those of us who have experienced being stuck in emotion which may be a symptom of depression, or alike. These extreme states can be due to unprocessed trauma and the old stuck emotion associated.

Stuck emotion can be seen as a message of extreme discontent with our environment, relationships, career etc. Our tendency is to medicate as it is simply too painful. However, without suitable therapeutic assistance the medication just numbs the feelings and does nothing to resolve the reason the deep emotions were present.

Every emotion is a message and it is important we take note and learn to listen to our emotions that often make their presence known in our bodies. They can arrive as symptoms such as headaches, digestion issues, breathing restrictions amongst others. We require a reconnection to valuing our emotions as a natural gauge of our physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing.

I would like to see a learning environment that encourages not just children's thoughts but their feelings about areas of their activities. A move from desk based learning to incorporate a feeling based hands on education. Teachers that work alongside their students to encourage their exploration of learning and encourage the joy of experimenting and discovery. When children are accepted with their emotions they grow to express themselves more freely without fear of criticism or feeling wrong and retain their ability to be creative and free thinking.

Emotional Motivated Mission

If we take time to think about our own mission, whatever it may be, without some form of emotion it is empty and hollow. The movement in any mission is the emotion, it is the vehicle of motivation that tells us why we are directing ourselves to this outcome.

Once an outcome has been set that has the following elements it is the emotion that will direct and drive us to our destination:

The outcome has to be positive for you
Ask yourself 'If I could have this ............. would I want it' If you do not answer with a congruent immediate yes it may not be the right outcome for you now
Do you have the resources to achieve this?
If not do you know people who could help?
Make sure the outcome is specific
How will you know when you have it? What evidence would you have?
Is this outcome the right size challenging but doable?

It has been said that an outcome requires a specific deadline date, but anchoring this outcome to an emotion or a combination of emotions it will be supplied with the motivation. By creating a motivating image of your desired self having achieved that outcome full of empowering emotion you are creating an outboard motor on your rowing boat.

Imagine how you look, sound and feel having achieved this outcome.
Notice where you feel it in your body
Notice as you resonate the feeling out into your energy field
Multiply the intensity of the feeling by 10
Breathe into this created image and notice how vibrant the empowering emotions feel
Become aware of how compelling that emotion feels right now!

Harnessing our emotions opens up our ability to grow their power in the flow towards our mission.

We have long misunderstand the power of emotions and hid them from public view.

Now is the time to connect and harness the power of our emotions and develop this essential sense for a more vital and energised life.

Karen Oliver

karen4@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 40380

Dangers of Division? Wake Up to Empowering Unity!

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Fri, 16 Apr 2021 14:19:49 GMT

Heal Division, Let go of Fear and Come Together

Unity has always been something I have personally searched for in my life and there is nothing more rewarding than enjoying the joint energy of minds and hearts that have come together with a shared intention.

We all have differing beliefs, values and views.

As human beings, our strength is in our diverse opinions and our ability to discuss and debate bringing into play many perceptions and ideas.

Unfortunately, our need to be right it seems has become more important and we have become more secular and disconnected.

Considering the Dangers of Division

The mainstream media and their sensational headlines tend to reinforce this movement to define ourselves solely through one dimensional groups that far from bringing us together encourage us we should be against sections of our society.

Beware of public proclamations that call you to action to take sides against your neighbour. These inflammatory narratives are designed to divide.

Look behind the headline and discover the agenda.

There has been a long stream of divisive topics in recent times that shine their spotlight on particular fears and incite anxiety. It is no coincidence that when we are in fear we do not make the best decisions as we act out of impulse and perceived threat. However, when our fear leads us to believe we are being threatened by our own fellow beings we are being manoeuvred against ourselves and we all lose. Division never brings peace, just more overt borders and highlighted differences.

'Differences will always exist, but division doesn't always have to result'

Beth Moore

If you place black and red ants in a jar they will live harmoniously alongside each other.

But when the jar is shaken up the ants will begin to attack each other.

It is important to know who is shaking the jar. Choose consciously in a peaceful state what situations mean and what would be the best reaction, if any, to the situation.

Division has historically been utilised as a ploy to disempower and it is vital more than ever to unify as a race globally.

The modern western world has run on the ethos of freedom of speech, inclusion and choice. The support we show now for everyone during these challenging times is essential to preserve our liberties and that which we want to pass on to future generations.

It is not easy in a world full of conflicting information to find truth and much of the information we are bombarded with is opinion. I have found the most reliable determination of any information's intention does not come from analysing with our mind, but from trust, in our gut instinct as we can feel what is our truth deep inside.

We have all been subject to programming from the moment we were born and over the years have conformed to certain ideas and concepts that perhaps we have not questioned.

When we are surrounded by consistent information it can become the norm and we may not consciously consider it requires any dissecting. However, even when we have bought into a culture, a belief, a narrative, it can be enlightening to shine some light and ask ourselves if this way of being brings us joy or is an uncomfortable comfort zone we have resigned ourselves to.

Sometimes we cling to old outmoded beliefs that do not serve us because they are familiar and the alternative is the uncertainty of the unknown. But in reality, no matter how much we try to tame the world and its complexities, the unknown is the only certainty and out of the unknown comes all manner of great experiences, discoveries, challenges and learnings.

The Power of Unity

Our need for conformity can be the very thing that stops us from living in joy, peace and unity.

Our dogged resistance to open up to new ideas and entertain others' opinions stops us in our tracks and traps us in an unfulfilling world.

Envy can serve as a divisive means for exclusion.

Group or cultural fear of being left behind and not being a part of an idea that is positive, productive and/or profitable can lead to the idea leader being ridiculed and rejected from society.

In truth, if we could only see that an individual's intentions and triumphs could be shared by the world, we would be less fearful of the success and realise how we are all connected and a part of their success.

When we stop targeting others' alternative ideas as a threat to our way of being and remain open to let our ears really hear, our eyes see clearly and our hearts feel ever bigger possibilities are available. Many of us place our trust in science to keep our world safe and shun those who do not buy into the confines of current scientific understanding. But science is a man-made invention and is only as developed as the human race can understand. Science is not a set model, it is an ever-changing set of concepts that try to make sense of this world and beyond within our 3D human capacity.

There have been many scientists in the past who were way ahead of their time and found themselves confronted by fear and consequently shunned by the science fraternity. Only to be revered after their death and the world robbed of truly remarkable discoveries that would benefit us all.

Therefore regardless of our level of knowledge remaining open to new ideas is the fuel of growth and development. We do not need to vilify those who do not fit in our carefully constructed pigeon holes, but marvel at their creative thinking and ingenuity. Just because we don't understand right now does not mean we should deny or reject new concepts. On the contrary, remaining curious and exploratory like a child is how we all learn. The quality, depth and diversity of our human race should be celebrated and embraced.

There has always been space for a multitude of opinions and views and in fact, it is necessary to embrace all angles with an open understanding.

The diversity of our world is its infinite richness and we do not have to agree but respect and space for others' views is of paramount importance as part of all of our journeys of spiritual growth.

If you notice yourself taking a stand against others for their beliefs, values and opinions ask yourself these very important questions:

What emotion has been triggered in me?
Do I have to be right?
How can I learn from this person's opinion?
What emotion and intention is underlying their opinion?
At what level can I connect and understand this person?

Above all else, we can show compassion for others as many of us have become trapped in a fear/anxiety circle. When we can learn to stop fearing different views and creating division we are truly developing acceptance of ourselves and others.

Unity is the victory over fear and the inclusion, acceptance and admiration of our human capacity for free-thinking.

' All for One and One for All, United we Stand Divided we Fall'

Alexandre Dumas

The Recipe for Authenticity

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Fri, 19 Feb 2021 16:00:15 GMT

Make your way through the noise and find your peace

' Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.'

Brene Brown

We are constantly distracted and misguided by this busy noisy world. When was the last time you truly experienced a time of peace?

The continuous decibels of volume of life can infiltrate into our sense of self and influence our views and beliefs away from our calling as we strive to be the personification of what we think we should be.

For many it is a drive to be validated or heard. We may experience success in some contexts of our life and yet for all our searching and the material trappings of success we can be left feeling dissatisfied. Our search to feel at essence we matter and our mission is important leads us to question what success really means..

When we are looking to prove ourselves to the world we need look no further than our internal measurement of what we believe we deserve and our own standing in the world. How can we be authentic when we are trying to live up to an ideal that is someone else's view of who we should be. We are often unaware of the unconscious conditioning we are living within, but it drives our thoughts and behaviour.

Conformity can be the enemy of authenticity. Human beings by nature want to fit in and be part of a tribe and therefore we live by many underlying rules about what makes a successful and acceptable human being. We can fool ourselves for some time we are on the right path. Our parents are proud of our achievements, we have all the evidence of success and yet there is a gaping hole of emptiness that we can ignore for a while. However, when we are alone in the dark silence our lack of inner peace is unavoidable.

The need for authenticity becomes a niggle that keeps nudging us to do something different. We have buried it deep inside hoping we can forget our true nature, but the calling just gets louder as we do not possess that inner peace that reassures us we are living in line with our values and in alignment with how we define ourselves.

We may find ourselves bewildered when we have done everything to the book and yet we still do not have a voice. We are overlooked and misunderstood and deceiving ourselves. Why would anyone listen or take time to understand when we have ignored our own needs that nurture and nourish our true selves. The emptiness we experience has been unwittingly of our own unconscious making. Our conditioning has been so successful we cannot fathom why our higher self seeks something deeper. A more fulfilling existence than that which we have been spoon fed all our lives should give us satisfaction.

We are all in a prime position to listen to our inner desires and yet over and over we respect others opinions over our own. Sure friends and relatives might have advice on how to make money and furnish life with trinkets and trophies, but is it really going to hit the spot when you have to spend long hours in the office completing meaningless tasks? Advice is a gift given with the best positive intention. However, what seems like good advice may not be a good fit for you! When social conformity and influence from others is stripped away it is possible you can uncover your own needs, desires and goals and unearth true authenticity.

The good news is our awakening to our true needs is completely in our power and waiting for us to pay attention. Ask yourself what would I get out of bed and do with joy even if I was not paid for it? it might be singing, painting, growing flowers or fixing cars. Listen to your own intuition on what is right for you as no one else knows you like you do!

Authenticity can be rediscovered when we have the awareness of how we have been adapting to fit in with society. We can begin to understand this version of ourselves was created in a time of limited understanding and resources. We learnt to reject or suppress our true selves as the safest way to be accepted and included. It is important we are thankful for the ability to adapt but also notice whether we live in a constant state of adaptation around others.

What would happen if we were able to express our true selves around others?

The authentic self often holds a lot of anger, fear and sadness and through a sense of hurt allowed the adaptive self to take over to protect the authentic self. Beginning to learn to explore these feelings and express them safely is a great way to get in touch with your authentic self.

Becoming aware of when our beliefs do not match our actions can be a way of gaining more authenticity. Maybe we do not feel strong enough sometimes to express our real views and go along with others opinions to keep the peace or be accepted. Becoming more authentic requires self awareness and honesty to eliminate the discrepancies between beliefs and actions.

To really explore and encourage our authentic self requires compassion and self love. We can learn to accept all aspects of ourselves especially those we dislike and view those parts of ourselves as areas of development. When our authentic self feels supported in a safe and accepting environment it is more likely to reveal itself.

It is important to recognise old disempowering beliefs that have encumbered our development towards authenticity. What do we hold as truths about ourselves? Where and from whom did we take them on board as our truths? They frequently emerge from childhood experiences. Many of which have no relevance to us as an adult, but keep their hold on our thoughts and actions. Possible examples might be:

I am not good enough

I don't deserve love and happiness

I am not smart enough

Are any of these beliefs a good representative or our authentic self today?

It is not easy just to state the opposite when we have held these beliefs for so long, but it is easier to create doubt in these old beliefs by contrary examples and a new open way of thinking that it could be possible that I am good enough or it may be true that I deserve more! What if I am smarter than I realised!

It is important to keep to our own authentic development path and vital that we ensure the direction taken encompasses our values and beliefs. Success is not easy when we follow someone else's blue print that does not resemble any of our core values and beliefs. We have to pursue the right personal goals in the best way for us as individuals. We may not be typical of the trajectory for our career etc. but we are unique and our perspective and journey will be too.

Strengthening our intuition is key to developing personal authenticity. Being knowledgeable about the world is a great asset, but being knowledgeable about ourselves and learning to trust and hone our intuition is crucial. We often ignore our gut instinct to our detriment. In place of this wisdom we place our psychological and intellectual understandings. Our bodies are much wiser than we give them credit for and can sense an inconsistency and send a signal which we frequently ignore over documented evidence. Words can be beguiling and convincing but if there is a sense that something does not feel quite right then it probably isn't for us personally. Be careful of becoming a people pleaser as this rarely pleases our own higher self's purpose.

Being comfortable in our own authenticity can take time but to keep us on track there are some truths we can carry with us:

Worthiness is innate

The only person I need to impress is me

I am the best version of me so far and that is enough!

Karen Oliver

E-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen@e-motionalsolutions,co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Bravery is the Virtue of the Free

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Thu, 12 Nov 2020 14:11:30 GMT

Discover Your Courage

I have looked at many definitions of 'brave' and the Oxford Dictionary says -

Able or ready to face and endure danger or pain.

The classic perception of bravery is frequently played out on the big screen in action films as a swashbuckling hero risking his or her life. There is however a more subtle form of bravery that is an everyday occurrence exhibited by remarkable and yet ordinary people. This brand of bravery has been very prevalent during this strange time of lockdown, tiers and PPE.

Bravery is not only in the realm of the adventurer or the explorer and does not have to involve jumping out of a plane or climbing Mount Everest. It is however alive and kicking in every street of every town on Earth.

Bravery is the ability to face adversity with an open heart and a commitment to deep held beliefs and values. The courage to stand up for something even when there is a likelihood we will be ridiculed or pressured to back down.

Bravery is acting on a promise to ourselves to be true to who we are not to prove to others but to impress ourselves. A silent commitment to show up, stand up or speak up.

'Be the change you want to see in the world'

Mahatma Gandhi

Bravery comes in many guises, but never deviates from working towards something higher and beyond ourselves. The quest is for something better for all. The courage to stand up in opposition to common belief and deliver a message that contradicts the views of the majority takes bravery and the ability to suffer the slings and arrows with dignity.

The knowingness that the message will be unpopular and leave the speaker open to judgement and yet that it is necessary to bring about change for the better is something many of us may shy away from.

However, we all seem to find a deep level of courage when we truly believe a message or action is vital. True bravery is not born out of personal gain, but a genuine care for living things and the plight of humanity.

Often we have been held back by the fear of the unknown and the worst case scenario stories we tell ourselves. Once we master that fear and understand all of our best moments are manifested from the unknown the fear subsides. Every possibility we can imagine is in the ether just waiting to become our reality. The courage to step into the unknown takes faith and trust and once we take those steps outside of the comfort zone we are on our way to emotional freedom. Even when we sit within our familiar patterns for fear of something unexpected we will meet with adversity. The vital difference is when we trust in the unknown we commit to purposeful action and a solution and if we trap ourselves with the familiar we dwell on why this has happened to us. Try as we might to stop change, our lives and our world are constantly evolving and to resist change is not only futile but detrimental.

To grow and develop our challenge is to think of adversity as a chance to learn. To see every mistake as a lesson and embrace the unknown and its priceless gifts. The majority of us will experience great challenge in our lives. This is not a reason to hide away and play it small, it is a call to show up and bring our individual qualities and to serve our life's purpose. Whether you believe your calling is divine or universal your presence is necessary to bring about change for the betterment of all. Bravery is not being devoid of fear it is mastering fear. It is being aware of the magnitude of what lays before us and greeting it face on. Those who mock our actions and ideas are likely to be still living in fear of change. Have compassion and understanding for their situation. Many of us lived in that dark place for a long time. Be grateful for the bravery you manifested and the freedom gained to live in alignment with your ideals

'Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is feeing the fear, the doubt, the insecurity and deciding that something else is more important'

Marl Manson

Ready to Manage Your Fear?

Free 20 Minute Phone Assessment Available

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Empower Your Health

Thu, 08 Oct 2020 13:32:16 GMT

Get in Touch with Your Own Ability to Influence Your Health

'Health is not just being disease free, it is when every cell of your body is bouncing with joy'
Sadhguru

It is so easy to take our health for granted and it is often not until we experience a health challenge that many of us really pay attention to our own part in our overall health.

We all spend so much time being busy we often don't really appreciate what we have until it is under threat of being taken away. The importance of taking care of our well being can not be emphasised enough. When we neglect our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual needs our whole system is vulnerable and prone to disease. All four elements are interlinked and play a part in our overall health and happiness.

In recent years stress has been highlighted and is well documented as a big contributor to undermining our health. When stress exists in our system for prolonged periods it alters our energy and brings discord and can lead to disease. In the western world we tend to treat symptoms and little focus is applied to where those symptoms started and the imbalance in the energy system. When we look at our energy system as a whole and identify the cause it is much easier to rectify the imbalance and regain vibrant energy. Have you ever wondered why those with disease are so tired? Disease is exhausting for the body as all the focus is on the discomfort and the body is doing its best to fight off the threat. Over time this can contribute further to the disease becoming a chronic or even acute condition.

In eastern medicine there is much more emphasis on prevention and holistic medicine approach raises awareness with the individual of the power they possess to influence their overall health. It is not always easy to recognise when stress has been in our system for too long, but it is likely we will have minor symptoms that we either ignore or manage without looking into what we could change to dissipate the discomfort. When minor symptoms occur it is our body's way of signalling there is disharmony and to take action. Often if we pay attention at this point we can rectify the issue and regain harmony. It might be over working, lack of sleep, relationship issues or some other form of unease in our lives that contribute to these symptoms. By taking time to tune into our body and the emotion that accompanies the symptom it is easier to get in touch with our feelings. Just by paying attention to emotional discord and giving our concerns a voice while applying any number of energy or breathing techniques can dissipate the discomfort. These techniques require us to be present which breathing techniques are very effective in achieving. Just by taking deep breaths in through the nose to the count of 4 and out through the mouth to the count of 4 for a couple of minutes you will notice a change in your energy and emotional state.

Many of us are out of touch with our bodies and feelings which can mean mild discomfort goes unnoticed for some time. When we are alerted of an issue we are likely to dismiss any thought we have any control to alleviate the situation.

The western world has predominantly taught us to trust our intellectual ability and we have not developed an understanding of what our body is frequently trying to tell us. Unfortunately when we ignore the minor symptoms' messages and continue on our way without thought or action to make any changes we are likely to incur major symptoms that forcibly stop us in our tracks. Our unconscious mind works though our body and its sole purpose is to ensure we survive. If its warnings are ignored and our survival is considered under threat it will ensure we are stopped temporarily to preserve our lives. Better that we have a migraine that closes us down for a few days than burn out completely. Better that we have a bout of dizziness than do something that goes against our core beliefs and will cause deep distress. Of course our unconscious does not always get it right and phobias are an example of this. In these instances it requires an update of beliefs and for the stimuli that is the subject of the phobia to be neutralised. This may require professional help and guidance.

However, many of our symptoms are designed to stop us from endangering our health. Unfortunately many of us rely on pain killers to quieten the symptom rather than address the issue. It is easier in the short term to continue with the way of life we are used to and perhaps the changes that are required would cause some upset or upheaval. Our body and emotions know our truth even when we can't consciously admit them to ourselves. Our energy body is compromised when we do not live our truth and will prod us with symptoms on to the right path for our individual well being. The wisest course of action is to learn to be in tune with our emotions, body and sensations. Once we tap into our body's messages it can be easy to make those small changes that bring back the balance and harmony to our lives.

One of the easiest energy techniques to apply to dissipate emotional distress is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). By addressing the disruption in our energy body we can release any negative thoughts and beliefs to help us align with our truth and the optimal changes that would support our overall health. EFT works holistically on our emotions, energy body, mental and spiritual health bringing balance and harmony. By raising our vibration EFT brings movement into previously stuck thoughts and challenges and promotes a sense of peace and joy.

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
01932 403780/07782 381855

The Importance of Belief

Thu, 13 Aug 2020 09:52:35 GMT

There are many beliefs we may hold about life and what we want to achieve but belief is much more than just a set of rules we live by. Our core belief system is our lifeline, it is at the heart of everything we do.

Belief does not render us immune from adversity but it gives us the tools to ride the storm. Adversity often as not strengthens our belief and sharpens our resolve to continue with more energy and passion.

Whatever angle our core beliefs come from is not important. However, it is vital we hold beliefs that are right for us as individuals. Empowering core beliefs whether religious or spiritual can bring a sense of acceptance and help us to stop fighting and accept the aspects of life that are not in our control. They allow us to give up our issues to our higher source and take on a sense of knowing that it will work out best if we have faith. This does not mean we are inactive but we are more inclined to look inside and find a way to work through any obstacles in a more measured and peaceful way.

Often we hear that we are influenced by blind faith but all faith and belief is blind and indeed that is the very nature of belief. If it was all there in black and white there would be no need for belief it would be certainty. This can be a block for some of us when it comes to holding strong belief. We have been taught to trust what we see and pick up with our senses and belief is not a tangible object.

Many of us fear the unknown and feel we have to keep a tight grip on everything. When we are fearful of letting go it can cause a huge amount of unnecessary stress and pressure and far from giving us more control often as not leaves us feeling out of control. When we focus inwards we discover the power we have in the world is in how we think, feel and react. All three of these areas are intrinsically linked. We have a thought and create a meaning which gives us a feeling and we decide how to react. When we are being driven by fear due to lack of any anchoring belief the result is unlikely to be positive. Beliefs bring us a base of security from which we can run our lives and make sense of the world. We may have decided we don't want to be seen as naive or gullible and created a cynical view of the world. It is not easy to develop any meaningful belief when cynicism disrupts our ability to trust. In reality the majority of what we believe in life is not based in truth. All possibility comes out of the unknowns. When we are open to belief we are allowing the unknowns to manifest the opportunities we seek and often it seems as if they come out of nowhere. If we consistently stick to our old patterns for fear of the unknowns the chance of manifesting new opportunities is unlikely. Once we have learnt to trust and take that leap of faith we break free of old limiting patterns and reawaken our ability to accept the unknowns are the doorway to fulfilment.

The human condition drives us to make sense of our lives and find meaning. It is more common in our youth to not attach any in depth beliefs to our purpose and mission. In fact we may be more likely to verbalise what we do not believe in. It becomes more compelling as we travel through adulthood to ask important questions and on our quest for answers align ourselves with core beliefs that bring comfort, understanding and faith.

Belief allows us to live our present as we release the fear of the future. As it gets easier to remain present with belief we are fully empowering each day and our future will positively transform with every moment that we live our unique truth. Therefore, it is imperative we develop strong and positive belief about what is above and beyond us to
give meaning to our lives and faith and trust to live fully and completely present. When we are hijacked by fear of the future we lose the ability to manifest our dreams and enhance our love of life as we live in a constant state of anxiety produced by past patterns.

In the modern world it is not easy to shut out the consistent noise of threat and disaster and we can be forgiven for believing our world is a dangerous place that requires us to be ever vigilent and anxious. However, these very messages stop us from living the full and satisfying lives we dream of. While caution and common sense are helpful, faith and belief are crucial. During each individual's lifetime we will experience adversity and challenge and it is faith and belief that allow us to continue in the knowledge out of chaos will come something worthwhile and positive. Human success has always prevailed when we have had enough belief to carry us through the chaos of war, disasters, pandemics, tyranny and injustice. Belief not only makes the unbearable bearable it also allows us to accept, forgive and take learning, encouraging growth and development and the ability to lead others. Our species strength is in our unity. Therefore, the stronger and more widespread we hold our beliefs the more resilient we become. Belief is essential for productivity, achievement, consciousness and true fulfilment, it is the lifeline of humanity.

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.o.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

Discover Your Personal Freedom!

Thu, 28 May 2020 12:32:14 GMT

Open Your Mind to the Possibilities

Mankind has fought so hard for centuries for freedom and right now it might seem like it has been taken away by a virus. I am sure many of us are not finding the current confinement easy and the physical freedom we had taken for granted is something we all yearn for. And yet even when we did enjoy the physical freedom, despite how emancipated we consider ourselves as a race, many of us continue to trap ourselves in our own perceived personal prisons.

When we believe freedom is an external possession that is given to us we lose the possibility and power to free ourselves. Even though we are in lockdown we can free our mind and find peace and tranquility. Freedom therefore is a perception and many of us before lockdown had caged our minds so convincingly that we may as well have been physically tethered to a post or trapped in a cage.

'The hardest prison escape is your MIND'

To varying degrees we live within our perceived limits, our glass ceiling that keeps us within our perceptions of what is possible for us. Shaped by our upbringing and experiences our lives can move in ever decreasing circles. To defy old outmoded beliefs it is imperative we take steps to strive out of our comfort zone. It is necessary to take risks and move into the unknown. Fear is the only real stopper in the emotional and mental freedom we seek.

Lockdown has given many of us a gift of time to spend working on our own internal issues and develop our personal growth. I am sure many of us have become more consciously aware of certain habits and characteristics that have heightened since we have withdrawn from the world. It is very easy to believe we have freedom when we allow ourselves to be distracted by external stimuli, but we have now been facing ourselves like never before. Many of us have found our vices have intensified. It is important to forgive ourselves for those and ask ourselves what is this behaviour trying to do for us? Vices are a way of avoiding intense emotion that often we don't feel equipped to deal with. So is it best to numb these emotions? Are they too much? These emotions are our life force our drivers the very essence of what can free us. When we channel this emotion into positive action we free ourselves.

Ask yourself when have you been most productive and successful. I can guarantee your answer would not only contain positive action, but also very strong emotions that helped you to commit to the mission you consistently focused on. The answer to freedom is to truly feel those emotions and look inside to clear the previous fear of what having those emotions mean. Frequently the judgement of these intense emotions involve childhood incidents. Who hasn't been told at some point as an excited child to calm down. Of course parents are bound to make these requests at times, but when this becomes a threat instead of a request on a daily basis the child in his attempt to be safe will comply and begin to believe that being overexcited is to be avoided. Unfortunately the child can take this coping strategy into adult life and seek to numb and quell these unacceptable feelings. The adult learns to diminish the very emotions and energy they were blessed with that would ultimately bring them a sense of purpose, direction and freedom. These natural emotions when allowed to be and develop allow each of us to channel our gifts for the good of ourselves and others. Avoiding our core emotions deny ourselves and the world of the person we were meant to be. It denies us the ability to show up and serve and share our individual important message. Therefore finding our own personal freedom is not only important for ourselves, but it is beneficial for those around us.

If you have become aware of your own glass ceiling and limiting behaviour take stock.
If you received a message your emotions were not acceptable, was it true?
What does it say about the person who delivered this message?
Is it a reflection of their limiting beliefs?
How is life going for them?
The person who passed on this message was doing the best they can and reflecting their own issues that perhaps they adopted from their caregivers.
Were they struggling with their own challenges?
What rules are you living by and have not until now questioned?
Are you ready to reassess what it means to be free and your own ability to free yourself?

Freedom was never a requisite of our physical world. It exists within our ability to believe and create possibility. We were not born to play small, but brought into this world to take part in a big way, to show up with all of our attributes. We have a responsibility not only to ourselves, but to others to bring all that we are to assist in our mental and emotional freedom that will bring our best selves to a world that truly needs it.

There are many modalities to assist in finding your personal freedom.
Take a look at the EFT Tapping Chart and empower yourself today.

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780
Video call consultations available
20 minute free phone assessments available

Create Powerful Perceptions

Sat, 25 Apr 2020 09:40:58 GMT

Build and Develop Your Own Resilience

'We all have an unsuspected reserve of strength inside that emerges when life puts us to the test.' Isabel Allende

It is not always easy to remain upbeat during these times when we are all unsure of how long this will go on, what will happen after lock down and how to make sense of it all.

While I don't have a crystal ball, I am sure of one thing the ability to take on board what has happened, adapt our behaviour and search for opportunities is what helps us to overcome and build resilience. We all have the ability to come out the other side stronger. However, many of us find our mental health affected by the current situation and need to dig deep to find our own resources and tap into the support available around us. It is even more important in this time that we keep and develop our connections and become a part of our own support network.

It is now vital we become mindful of our thought patterns and the possibility of developing detrimental predictions and speculation. There is no benefit in thinking of the worst case scenarios and leading our minds to possible reasons for anxiety that may never happen. We can however take this time to develop our resilience and create powerful perceptions. What happens to us is neither negative or positive until we attach meaning. Therefore focusing on what opportunities have arisen despite or maybe because of our current situation promotes and encourages a sense of purpose, ability and develops resilience. There are always choices when we retain the ability to remain calm.

You may think that is easier said than done, but fostering a new resourceful thinking pattern is completely possible when we become more conscious of our current patterns and recognise those that are unhelpful and require change.

Create Powerful Perceptions

Identify a thought pattern that does not serve you: what are the consistent thoughts that trigger uncomfortable feelings
Become aware of any accompanying pictures with this thought pattern - internal visualisations
Take note of any internal dialogue that is triggered by the initial thought pattern.
Notice what happens in your body when that thought pattern starts - what sensations do you feel and where?
How do you react to these pictures, internal dialogue and bodily sensations?
Have you always reacted in the same way and if not where did you learn to react this way?
What do you believe when this thought pattern occurs?
What decisions have you made about this thought pattern?
Now ask yourself how many times you have experienced a positive outcome from this thought pattern?
When do you think this thought pattern was created?Is the thought pattern still relevant to you today?
What do you think the positive intention of this thought pattern and the following behaviour are?
Is there a better way to achieve this positive intention?
What resources do you now have that would assist you in gaining that positive intention?
Is it possible to react differently to similar situations and choose a more resourceful state and reaction?
Imagine being in that resourceful state. How would you look, sound, breathe. If it helps remember a time when you were in a highly resourceful state. Take time to breathe more deeply and see yourself now in that resourceful state. What do you notice about yourself now that you are feeling so (e.g. calm, peaceful, content)? What are you telling yourself about your current emotional state? Perhaps you are making a firm decision that it is possible to access this resourceful state whenever you want. Perhaps you are beginning to recognise it is a choice! Maybe you know now that you have more strength and ability to remain resourceful than you had realised. Become aware of any bodily sensations as you breathe more deeply and allow your mind to be calmer and still. Notice where you feel that new resourceful state and enjoy the feeling in your body. Take pleasure in being in control of your own state in a very relaxed and peaceful way. Letting go of any tension that had been present and surrendering to the natural flow of energy around you and running through you. Begin to get in touch with that sense of knowing in your body that helps you to remain calm and peaceful even when things around you are not going as you would like. Notice right now it is your choice how you react and you can choose to not react at all and just let those thoughts pass as they do not require your energy and focus. It is important to be consciously aware of where your energy is concentrated.
Imagine now a future situation that would have before triggered that old pattern of thought. Re-access that resourceful state and give yourself time to know you are completely immersed in that state. Focus on seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling what you felt in your body. Become aware of how you would deal with this situation differently in this resourceful state. Notice how much easier it is to remain peaceful and to have access to the choices that are now available to you. Focus on how your new found inner dialogue supports this resourceful state. Enjoy the feeling of being supported by your own thoughts and feelings and how easily available your resources are.

Run through these steps a few times for any thought patterns that you have become aware of that do not support your ability to maintain positive perceptions. Resilience is the ability to take into account any presenting challenges, process the information available and search and implement the best way to deal with the challenge presented, overcome the issues and move beyond it. Resilience is developed and built with each challenge we experience. The ability to adapt and create positive perceptions allows us to foster an optimistic outlook that transcends any challenges that come our way!

To be a part of the next ConneXions Group taking place on 12th of May at 6.30pm by video call please click here

Contact Karen to discuss your challenges and take advantage of a 20 minute free phone assessment and schedule video call consultations.

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

Not Going Out, Time to Look Inside!

Sat, 04 Apr 2020 11:06:26 GMT

Tuning in to our inner world

After nearly two weeks of lock down we are all getting used to the idea of spending more time in our homes. While I am sure this has brought many challenges it is also an opportunity to inner reflection and growth. We are very good at distracting ourselves with external stimuli such as social events, retail therapy and leisure pursuits, but when we are stripped back to basics what can we discover about ourselves?

It is the perfect time to realign with who we are and what we aspire to! If life has not been panning out how you thought it might and you are not where you thought you would be perhaps this time can be used to decide what you really want. Many of us do not really know what we want in life or who we are as we spend very little time on inner reflection.

What areas of our lives are we really content with? It is easier to ignore these areas of discontent when we have outside distractions, but they can become uncomfortably apparent while we are forced to retreat from the world we are used to. I believe we can all make the changes we want once we take stock, are completely honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our own lives. It is very easy to blame circumstances and others for where we find ourselves, but all we gain from doing that is excuses to hold us back. The only real power we have is to take out the blame of others, situations and ourselves and take responsibility for our part in our current status.

Many of us have have experienced all manner of obstacles that may have held us back, but when we truly take the time to know ourselves and allow ourselves the space to grow spiritually we can learn to be more resilient. Living in the past will only bring more of the same. It takes courage to step into the unknown and have faith, but once you let go of past programming it is far easier to move forward into a new more positive future.

I have found the following steps help to find peace and contentment from within:

Learn to be patient with yourself. Everyone makes mistakes give yourself the allowances you would for your best friend
Take time to list what you would like to change about yourself
What resources do you have to help you with these changes?
Use EFT to work through any resistance to accepting those aspects you had previously decided you were unhappy with
Take time to list your best attributes
What would those around you say about you?
Imagine you have been transported to the future and have learnt to accept everything about yourself even the things you didn't previously like. As you look back at you what guidance would you send back to you in 2020?
Imagine sending that guidance to you in 2020 in what ever way makes sense to you. It could be a beam of light or sent in a gift. Whatever method you use send it with unconditional love knowing that the you in 2020 is doing their best
As you now become aware of receiving that guidance notice as you receive the unconditional love it was sent with and allow the guidance to envelope you like a big hug
Forgive yourself for anything you are still holding onto from the past. There is nothing you can do about what has happened and holding onto guilt and judgement does not serve anyone. We all do our best given our current resources and situations. Learning from past mistakes and making conscious decisions to approach challenges differently promotes learning, development and personal growth. Admitting we made a mistake to ourselves gives us the opportunity to forgive.
Send forgiveness to anyone who was connected to past challenges for they were doing their best too! Forgiveness allows you to move forwards with acceptance and love.

To join me live on facebook: Karen Oliver - EFT workshop on Promoting Peace and Health on 9th of April at 10 am.

To be a part of the next ConneXions Group taking place on 7th of April at 6.30pm by video call please click here

Contact Karen to discuss your challenges take advantage of a 20 minute free phone assessment and video call consultations.

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

Positive Steps in Extraordinary Times

Sun, 22 Mar 2020 07:34:24 GMT

How do we all move forwards. adapt and thrive!

We are living in extraordinary times that we are yet to gain full understanding of how as a global community our lives will be affected. As we all take on board what is currently happening and process information it is a good time to consider the changes we can all make to help us adapt, move forwards and thrive!

Anticipation can be a trigger to feel anxious about what might happen and can cause procrastination stalling any productive action. We can only work with the current situation and if we take stock of where we are right now the majority of us are safe and well!

Taking steps to ground ourselves in the present moment makes it much easier to remain calm and retain our ability to keep a positive perspective. Maintaining peace of mind allows us to deal with external issues and support others with less ability to take care of themselves. When we can see the bigger picture and value our community we recognise we are all in this together and the answer to everything lies in pooling our strength.

I am sure I am not alone in thinking we all spend so much time rushing around being busy that we do not have time to take stock. The current situation is forcing us all to slow down and give more head space to what really matters. When global challenges arise they bring out the worst and best in people. But rather than blame those who might not be acting in a way that you think is helpful, realise these people are often the ones stuck in a pattern of anticipation and anxiety. Those that are actively working towards bringing the community together have found a way to remain calm and logical and possess the wisdom of knowing we are strong when we stand together.

The amount of time we spend in our own heads in a virtual world has an impact on how resilient and calm we are. Our reality is a concept and often polar opposite to the reality right in front of us. We only see and seek out the reality that backs up our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. It is not surprising then that when we are pushed outside of our core beliefs and comfort zone we can experience fear and worry. However, when we are feeling the most discomfort it is a sign we are learning something valuable about ourselves and how we adapt in the world.

'When we are no longer able to change a situation. We are challenged to change ourselves' Victor Frankl

What positive steps can we take to adapt to a new set of guidelines on how we live:

The current situation may not be how you would like, but you are not in control of anything outside of yourself. Accept what is right now resistance will only drain your energy. Acceptance does not mean the situation is right or wrong just an acknowledgement of what is here and now . The only thing you can change is your own reaction to any situation. EFT is a great technique for letting go of resistance - download the EFT Tapping Point Chart .
Human beings are so adaptable and once the situation has been accepted you can become more resourceful in finding new ways of bringing about the best results. As you let go of the perceived problems it is much easier to focus your mind on how you can find a solution.
Your life is not on hold it has changed. Like all changes there will be things you like and things you won't. Embrace the changes as a new stage in your life that requires new thinking.
Reach out to those around you in your community to offer your help. Everyone has a specialism that can be beneficial and of service to someone.
Keep in touch with all of your social group, family and neighbours. If you have vulnerable people in your groups take the time to call them. For those who are self shielding just hearing someone's voice can make a big difference. Knowing they are cared about can improve their emotional state and health.
Take a walk outside in the fresh air. We all need to maintain our physical fitness and raise our Vitamin D levels. Exposure to the sun even on an overcast day can make a dramatic difference both physically and mentally.
Be grateful for what you still have! List all of the things you are grateful for and when you think about the items on your list allow your heart to sing with joy. Expand and enhance that feeling it is totally in your control. The act of being grateful brings about a heartfelt joy and is a positive health boost!

For professional coaching and guidance to let go of your worry and dis-empowering emotional patterns more easily contact me and take advantage of a 20 minute free phone assessment to discuss your challenges and how the techniques can help you!
Skype Consultations Available - Remain in the comfort of your own home and free yourself to move forward!

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

Boost Your Immune System & Stay Healthy!

Sun, 15 Mar 2020 15:41:16 GMT

5 Steps to Create Vibrant Health

We have all been made very aware of the Coronavirus and the ensuing panic that has been rippling around the world. What can we do for our selves apart from the obvious measures that have been consistently reinforced regarding our own personal hygiene. We have no control over the media and how they communicate these issues although I would advise limited viewing of the news. However, we do have control over how we feel and can choose how we react to these challenges.

It is always beneficial to keep in mind the current challenges will pass and in the unlikely event we are infected it is very likely we would make a full recovery within seven days. We have survived many debilitating diseases and conditions that cannot compare to the viruses that come and go. The only people at risk are those with underlying health issues and compromised immune systems who unfortunately are at risk with any common infection. By stepping out of the constant updates we can take back some perspective and reclaim our calm, logic and peace of mind.

Worry, and the resulting anxiety and panic are never useful states. These debilitating states do not solve any situation and promote internal emotional discord and diminish rational thought. Running and repeating a worry pattern triggers a consistent feeling of being under threat and panic. Panic is the result of a rush of adrenaline and cortisol priming our bodies for flight, fight or freeze. The consequence on the body of consistent panic and worry is an impaired immune system leaving us far more open to catching viruses and developing diseases.

When we are fearful we often respond with behaviour that bypasses our conscious mind and logic. In our everyday lives we can interpret unexpected challenges as a need to worry and panic. If we take a moment to step back and reflect on how this pattern has improved any situation, it might not be easy to recall any productive results from these emotional programmed responses. We may have learnt this behaviour from others and these paradigms can be formed when we are children with limited resources to deal with the challenges in life. Perhaps we experienced a trauma and became fearful of a similar trauma re-occurring. Unconsciously we anticipated and searched for similar situations that would lead to such trauma in an attempt to avoid such an event at all costs. Unfortunately by focusing energy on avoiding trauma the pattern of worry and panic is triggered. As the pattern is frequently activated and repeated over time the trigger becomes more sensitive.

So what can we do to alleviate worry and panic?

Bring your mind into the present. There is no power in living in the past or anticipating the future. Nothing can be changed until your mindset is in the present and able to support your actions for change. To ground yourself in the present focus on how your body feels right now. If you are sitting notice your legs against the chair and your feet on the floor. Become aware of how your shoulders feel and your arms and hands are resting in your lap. As you bring all of your attention to your body your focus allows you to enjoy the now where there are no issues.
To help you continue to focus on the present practise taking long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth to the count of four in and four out for at least three minutes.
Allow your mind to focus on a place of complete peace and calm. It can be somewhere you have been or an imaginary place. Take time to see your surroundings taking in the vivid colours and images. Perhaps seeing trees and wildlife, the sea or a lake. Natural environments tend to be more relaxing. Hear the sounds in the environment perhaps the sound of waves lapping on the beach or the wind through the trees or maybe some relaxing music. Notice how you feel in this place at this time. Where do you feel that sense of calm in your body? Maybe it is in your heart or your chest. Wherever it is enhance that feeling, make it stronger and more powerful. Imagine a coloured light resonating out from that part and becoming brighter and bigger beaming out into your aura and filling up your energy field with bright vibrant colour. There maybe some tastes or smells associated with this peaceful place, maybe the aroma of the salty sea on the sea breeze or the taste of a cold refreshing long drink. Keep breathing deeply and focusing on this peaceful place and notice how much calmer you feel.
Now notice any internal dialogue you have been repeating that has previously triggered worry and panic. Perhaps you have found yourself often thinking 'My immune system is not very effective.' or 'I am prone to catching diseases.' Imagine running these phrases, but speed them up. Run them a few times at this new high speed and rewind them back as if on tape and rerun again. Now change the tone of the voice to a character like Mickey Mouse or Daffy Duck and rerun several times. Now notice how the phrase has lost its power as it becomes less and less believable. As you now feel free of the power of the voice move it outside and away from yourself and place it inside of a balloon. Become aware it is no longer a part of you and let go of the balloon and observe as it floats away the voice becoming quieter and quieter and fainter and fainter until you can no longer hear it and your mind is peaceful and quiet. With your new found peace of mind create a new more empowering phrase that encapsulates what you would like to believe. Some ideas might be: 'My immune system is getting better and better.' 'My health is improving every day.' or 'It is possible for me to remain healthy and fit.'
To help promote all of the above steps use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to let go of any resistance to being calm and peaceful. Sometimes we mistakenly believe we have to hold on to beliefs about worrying and panicking in an attempt to predict, anticipate, control and protect ourselves. However, worry and panic have the opposite effect to our positive intentions. Download the EFT Tapping Points Chart - free your mind, gain back peace of mind, calm and optimum health.

For professional coaching and guidance to let go of your worry and dis-empowering emotional patterns more easily contact me and take advantage of a 20 minute free phone assessment to discuss your challenges and how the techniques can help you!
Skype Consultations Available - Remain in the comfort of your own home

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

Are you Defined by a Label?

Fri, 06 Mar 2020 19:53:47 GMT

Do Labels Connect Us?

Labels are an everyday part of our lives. We label objects, places, organisations and wear labels to signify belonging to a group or an allegiance to a brand. Even our names are a form of label that we identify with. Without labels we would live in chaos and travelling, working, and even shopping trips would present many challenges. Labels are an effective way of conveying meaning quickly and efficiently.

I do however, question how far we have come in assigning labels. There are many positives in identifying and labeling and grouping people. Some groups support and help individuals with specific issues and membership to that group brings positive and much needed assistance and support. These grouping are understood and benefit our society in many ways with specific learning difficulties, physical disabilities etc. However, for groups created for some minorities this can lead to making incorrect generalisations and assumptions that attract negative attention or cause members to be further marginalised.

I am sure when all groups are created the intention is to bring like minded people together and the members gain from a sense of belonging and a network of support. However, often people are involuntarily categorised into groups due to bias and ignorance born of fear. The divisions that are drawn separate individuals and single them out for criticism and judgement and in the worst cases bullying. The more we are identified and slotted into a particular group the more we are categorised and labeled the more we are divided. While we have been rightly working towards equal rights and away from discrimination ever since we abolished slavery and women were able to vote inadvertently we have now successfully divided up our communities into micro groups that quite often have the reverse effect.

Some categories are a part of every day life. Just by applying for a passport we have been sorted by nationality, gender, and age. I can't help thinking the very fact we identify by our differences we further the division and decision that we are separate and different to others. The media do a good job of emphasising labels and the need to identify and box ourselves into a category. Divisions become visible in every context of our lives creating a heightened awareness of being different despite our apparent allegiances.

School can unwittingly encourage these divisions and unwanted attention by the segregating of specials needs, dyslexia, dyspraxia, autism, ADHD and the list goes on. It is impossible to gain oneness while seeking out further reasons we are treated differently and discriminated against. The constant divisions of people into micro groups can cause friction rather than harmony. When we put aside our differences we are strong and present a positive energy that is bigger than the sum of our parts. The success of the human race came from uniting and joining resources. Does it really matter what race, religion, sexual orientation, political view, learning difficulty or even physical features we have. What happened to celebrating our uniqueness and pooling our resources as one big group of international people.

We have learnt to look at differences and believe we are separate partly due to our earthly existence within our three dimensional world where most of the information we take in comes through our five senses. Within our limited view we see ourselves and everyone and everything as being completely separate and unrelated. However, this perception is not the whole story and at a quantum theory level we are all intrinsically linked and affect each other. In fact not only is this evident with human beings, but with every living thing and to take this one step further there is a universal pattern that links all and is affected by all. The balance of nature is an example of these rules each species affect and rely on another which brings a natural order. Nothing works in isolation and everything we do has an effect on others and our environment. Therefore when we apply this to ourselves seeing through all of the carefully segregated groups we have created and the associated labels can help us to let go of judgement and accept others. Breaking down the assumptions and barriers these labels can create is the best way forward for us all.

Fear can often be the divider pushing us into our segregated safe haven where we know what to expect. But once we realise this approach has the opposite outcome it is time to challenge our narrow view. Taking ourselves out of our comfort zones and exploring a new environment with different people gives us better understanding, promotes tolerance and a desire to search for oneness. We can now recognise a chance for positive learning is available in taking time with those who appear on the surface to be most unlike ourselves and outside or our usual circles. We stand to truly gain a better comprehension of how unity is the most powerful force for good that we have. Unity promotes the act of giving unconditionally for the good of others and not just ourselves. Fundamentally given the opportunity we all want to give love and to be loved. The usefulness of the labels we have developed become negated when we feel safe enough to let go of the perceived protection of our clans. When we are able to erase constrictions of belonging to a specific country, species and our planet we become an energetic element of the universe. It is by letting go that we gain a sense of freedom and equality. Every element of the universe is important and makes up the rich pattern of life. Through connection and understanding we create a more cohesive and peaceful future for all inhabitants of our planet.

Learn how to develop and support your ability to connect by attending the ConneXions Group created with the aim of being a safe place to express yourself honestly, listen and be heard, learn new resources to help develop deeper connection and more peaceful and effective relationships.

Find out more details call or E-Mail and to register to attend please use the following link and contact form:

https://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk/connexionsgroup

Date: 10th March 2020 and thereafter the second Tuesday of the month

Venue: Sunshine Clinic, 175 Send Rd, Woking GU23 7ET

Time: 6.30 - 8pm

Cost: £15

Karen Oliver: www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Connect & Beat Loneliness

Thu, 06 Feb 2020 19:27:06 GMT

Invest in the Best of Humanity

Our health and well being as individuals and a community have been compromised in recent years leading to a steep increase in health issues and a crisis for the NHS. No doubt health and well being is complex and made up of numerous elements. One of those elements stands out and yet we are still not hearing the message. Loneliness is a creeping worldwide phenomena in a world full of people, 7.7 million at the last count, we are more lonely and separate than ever!

The success and best of the human race is evident when we work together as a community so when and what caused humans as a species to be so isolated? Some would call it progress, and I am sure we have benefited from many human inventions, but did we consider or could we possibly predict the long term ramifications of some of our great ideas.

Before the agricultural revolution we roamed the land as nomadic tribes and owned very limited portable personal possessions. Around 10,000BC the first agricultural revolution brought about ownership as we started to divide up the land and lived in smaller stationary groups. At this time the main form of currency was a barter system and even taxes were paid in crops, grains and livestock. It is thought that coins were created as currency around 5,000 BC and very quickly became popular and more widely used. The advantages were clear - more portable than a bag of rice, not perishable and easier to calculate the value of a commodity and pay a precise price.

The industrial revolution of the late 18th century furthered human separation as employment on the land decreased and factories started to pop up in cities. Travel also became more accessible and the populations in urban areas saw a substantial increase. However the result and ultimate price society paid became apparent as extended families became more fractured as sustaining a living became priority and migration into cities more common.

During the industrial revolution and the rise of the machine working days extended and those in poverty worked long shifts to feed their families. While the divisions between the classes were still very obvious and visible, more opportunities arose for those not born to aristocracy to make money and climb the ladder to prosperity. As mass production produced cheaper merchandise even the lower classes were in a position to make purchases. Advertising was fundamental in enticing customers to buy their dreams. Consumerism gained pace gradually towards the end of the 19th century increased exponentially into the 20th century. Family values and religious beliefs slowly eroded as people from all classes started to seek fulfillment in external possessions.

With the advent of commercial television consumerism accelerated as the dawn of super marketing persuaded us how we should look, what to wear, what car to drive and how to fill our homes. Arguably manufacturers would say they supply a demand, but the methods of those driving that demand are questionable. Sundays are now an opportunity to worship at the altar of retail and the internet gives us unlimited access to the goods we crave.

I am sure I am not alone in thinking as a species we have lost our way? We spend more time working to accumulate enough money to equip and run our houses that we don't spend time in. We purchase technology that keeps us working remotely and living within a virtual world rather than face real life and develop our relationships. We work long hours to pay for care of our offspring that we hardly see. Is it any wonder the divorce rate is nearly 50% in first marriages and increases for second and still higher for third marriages. It seems many of us are dissatisfied with our relationships and at a loss as to how to put them right.

Extended families were more common only a few decades ago and the elderly were likely to be taken care of within the family. The economic climate has gone through many changes and with increased pressures on families it has resulted in many migrating to the other end of the country or even abroad leaving the elderly with less support and contact. The UK has 11.4 million over 65s and of those 3.5 million live alone. A report from the WRVS formerly the Women's Royal Voluntary Service, describes how 'fragmented' family life in the UK can leave older people very alone with little contact from their own children. The report estimates more than 360,000 older people have children who live too far away and are too busy to visit them. One in ten elderly do not have children who live within an hour's drive. Almost a quarter of a million elderly people are likely to spend Christmas day on their own.

Loneliness is not just the territory of the elderly living on their own. In a recent survey* the highest rate of loneliness existed within the Millennial generation with 40% stating they often felt lonely. It could be argued this is the age most likely to be when we first experience living on our own. However, the survey also linked those in this age group who reported higher levels of loneliness with higher numbers of Facebook only friends, therefore less available friends to form deeper emotional connections. Loneliness is a symptom of not being heard, understood and accepted resulting in emotional detachment. Before the days of electronic devices couples and families had more time for leisure and less distraction. Therefore most people engaged more fully in conversation and learnt the art of effective dialogue and listening as a matter of course. Many conversations today are competing with mobiles, television and play stations and undivided attention is rare. Families used to sit at the table and talk about their day while sharing an evening meal. How many of us have a TV meal with little or no interaction or eat at different times?

So here we are having invested so much time and money in the technology that runs our lives and unable to turn back the clock. So how do we move forwards while getting back to the values that are at the foundations of the best of humankind?

We are at our best when we unite and work as a whole! Small steps make the difference:

1. Set aside time to have uninterrupted interaction with your family and close friends
2. Plan a meal at the table with all of the family at least once a week
3. Take a walk in nature with friends or family
4. Make a no phones rule at set times for yourself and your family
5. Play board games or make something creative as a team
6. Set up a debate with a theme - and allow each person to speak uninterrupted
6. Schedule a 'How has your week been' session where everyone can share the things that have gone well and the things that could have been better
7. Set clearer boundaries for a cut off time for checking E-Mails
8. Invite a neighbour/friend living on their own to lunch
9. Take the opportunity when available to talk or visit family and friends rather than E-Mail/text

Learn how to develop and support your relationships by attending the ConneXions Group created with the aim of being a safe place to express yourself honestly, listen and be heard, learn new resources to help develop deeper connection and better relationships.

Find out more details call or E-Mail and to register to attend please use the following link and contact form:

https://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk/connexionsgroup

Date: 25th February 2020 and thereafter the second Tuesday of the month

Venue: Sunshine Clinic, 175 Send Rd, Woking GU23 7ET

Time: 6.30 - 8pm

Cost: £15

Karen Oliver: www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

*Survey - The BBC Loneliness Experiment - Brunel University London - Professor Christina Victor developed the survey with academics at the University of Manchester and the University of Exeter, alongside Radio 4's All in the Mind programme and its presenter Claudia Hammond.

Vital for Emotional Health!

Fri, 17 Jan 2020 12:30:18 GMT

How Deepening our Connections Boosts our Health

Information floods our lives every day bringing details of numerous methods of healthy eating and exercise regimes to maintain our health. However, we are not often reminded of how important it is for our emotional health to develop deep honest and meaningful relationships let alone given guided steps and advice on how to create these relationships. And yet the research backs up evidence the biggest influence on our physical health is defined by our emotional well being and most healthy people are those that have a sense of community and connection with others.

At this time of year we don't think twice about joining a gym or starting a new healthy eating plan, but how many of us have on our list of resolutions to reach out and deepen and strengthen relationships? Human beings are social animals and as such when in isolation rarely thrive. It is well known that premature babies thrive more readily when they are physically touched and I would go one step further and say they need to hear a voice speaking with tenderness and compassion. Every living thing is affected by its environment and we naturally seek out connection with others. It is crucial we have people around us we feel able to share our highs and lows and possess a sense of being understood and accepted.

Research tells us people with illness are more predisposed to a full recovery quicker when they experience contact with others who provide genuine support and care. Despite an understanding of how important loving social connections are for our well being we continue to search for a magic remedy to our low mood in the wrong places and this can result in all manner of expensive purchases and even addictions. It is interesting to note that the social networks and deep connections we develop are not just important because they provide us with acceptance and love, but we gain from being able to give unconditional love and support. The best networks are two way and elicit our need to give as much as receive acceptance, love and compassion.

As we grow more separate in our virtual worlds this crucial sense of connection is tenuous and we continue to lose our ability to communicate and connect in a rich and rewarding way. 21st century technology brings us closer in many beneficial ways but by its very invention and nature can give an illusion of connection while removing the personal touch and creating distance. Honest heartfelt communication is no longer commonplace as we all rush about our daily lives not feeling able to commit time and effort to listening and interacting with undivided attention, interest, acceptance and understanding. How often have do we send a text because we just don't have the time to call? A text cannot take the place of the tones, rhythms and emphasis of a voice. Indeed, texts and E-Mails are open to a vast array of misconceptions that can be avoided by taking the time to speak.

It has been well documented that only 7% of our communication is understood based purely on the words. The remaining percentage consists of the tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. Therefore the most effective communication is carried out face to face, where in addition to hearing the subtleties of the voice, we have the benefit of interpreting facial expressions and body language. Whilst this is no guarantee we have full comprehension of what is being communicated we are able to experience every nuance of the full communication picture and are best positioned to check for misunderstandings and put them right. The deepening of connections within relationships relies on the energy invested which in turn relates to the trust built. Our relationships are able to withstand rough patches and disagreement when deep foundations are in place - understanding, honesty and acceptance. It is easier to avoid the pitfall of resentment by naturally employing the quality of forgiveness.

To communicate effectively takes time, effort and intention and it may not be possible to pursue this with all of our relationships but it is vital we prioritise the relationships that we value and enrich our lives. Be sure to invest your energy in developing and maintaining your chosen relationships and promote your whole networks happiness and health.

Learn how to develop and support your relationships with ConneXions Group created with the aim of being a safe place to express yourself honestly, listen and be heard, learn new resources to help develop deeper connection and better relationships.

Find out more details call or E-Mail and to register to attend please use the following link and contact form:

https://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk/connexionsgroup

Date: 25th February 2020 and thereafter the second Tuesday of the month

Venue: Sunshine Clinic, 175 Send Rd, Woking GU23 7ET

Time: 6.30 - 8pm

Cost: £15

Karen Oliver: www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Fuel Your Resolutions for Success

Tue, 31 Dec 2019 11:08:23 GMT

Support for Your Success - ConneXions Group

The new year is nearly upon us and I am sure you are thinking about what you would like to do differently. Have you gone through this process before? Sometimes you run out of steam and fall back into old patterns. However, some of your resolutions have been successful. Have you ever taken a close look at the difference between those you have made a firm new habit and those that fell by the wayside?

When these resolutions are set we all have good intentions and if the right combination of elements are present we successfully implement the new behaviour/change and it becomes second nature. So what is the recipe?
Over the years I have found the following elements are always present and help to keep on the path to positive change:

Complete certainty has to be present that the behaviour/change is something you want and not something you think you should do! Make sure when you say to yourself - 'If I could have this would I really want it?' the answer is a definite congruent YES. If you experience some form of resistance maybe in the form of an internal voice take a look at my EFT Tapping Process Chart: https://irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/f72715d7/files/uploaded/EFT%20Diagram%20July%202018.pdf and work on letting go of the resistance.

The resolution has to be positive e.g. 'I will reach a healthy weight of eight and a half stone'. This example focuses on what you want rather than: 'I will lose a stone in weight'. This example focuses on loss which could bring about feelings of deprivation. Always focus on what you will gain.

Create a clear picture of you as if you have already gained this resolution right now. Make the picture clear and bright with sound and above all the feeling of having already achieved it, whatever that might be? Maybe happiness in your heart - focus on how that would feel right now. Keep refining and breathing more energy into the image, sounds and feelings. Add your favourite colour to your image and perhaps a pet you love or a symbol that helps you to feel confident or happy. Add sounds that lift your state, perhaps laughter, bird song or your favourite song. Heighten the feeling, how full would your heart feel, does that feeling resonate outside of your heart and all the way out to the edge of your aura? Does that feeling have a warmth and maybe a colour? The more real the image, sounds and feelings are right now the higher your vibration and the easier it is to achieve success.

Do you have everything you need to make these changes or install these behaviours? If not do you the ability to source what you need or know people who can help you?

Will those closest to you be happy with the changes/behaviours? Are you prepared for their reaction to the changes in you?

Do you have enough support to help you keep on track? Do you have someone or a group of people who would be willing to act as mentors

Some processes require a deadline date to achieve the required resolution. However, if the elements above are strong and positive the date becomes insignificant as the strong positive feelings generated 'in the now' raise your vibration and work as the fuel in your rocket that spur you on to achieve success.

All of the above are important and once you have made a start and are focused on what you want the last element can be the one that keeps you going even during the biggest challenges and adversity. Having that backup in place to express yourself honestly and receive encouragement and support is crucial in your journey to success. Whatever we do knowing others have our back and want us to do well, being able to offload without judgement and tapping into a wealth of knowledge and experience can be truly priceless.

Start the new decade with a successful resolution! Support is available within ConneXions Group created with the aim of being a safe place to express yourself honestly, listen and be heard, learn new resources to help develop deeper connection and better relationships.

Find out more details call or E-Mail and to register to attend please use the following link and contact form:

https://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk/connexionsgroup

Date: 7th January 2020 and thereafter the second Tuesday of the month

Venue: Sunshine Clinic, 175 Send Rd, Woking GU23 7ET

Time: 6.30 - 8pm

Cost: £15

Karen Oliver: www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Christmas Joy

Wed, 25 Dec 2019 07:02:23 GMT

Christmas is the time of the year when we have high expectations. We have waited for this precious time to spend with our families and everything has to be perfect. With such expectations it is easy for the Christmas experience to fall short. The family dynamics will play out whether it is Christmas or not and spending more time in close quarters to our loved ones can heighten any friction.

The recipe for a joyful Christmas is not another present, more alcohol or an extra packet of mince pies.
The answer lies within each of us, indeed only we can produce the joy we so desperately seek. We cannot stop Great Aunt Mary from complaining about the noise or teenage Jake from making incomprehensible noises and being anti-social. These challenges are there to teach us to surrender from our attempts to control accept and work with what is.

When we can learn that everyone is doing their best and even though it may fall short of what we consider to be appropriate behaviour learning that not everyone has the same view of life is invaluable. We have not lived their lives, experienced their challenges and don't hold their beliefs. The fact is once we can accept our family for who they are it is far easier to find our own joy. What brings us joy may be completely different to our loved ones. We can tend to have a set idea of what needs to be present for joy to exist. However this approach rather than bringing joy can limit unless a set of elements are present. Added to this our vision of what Christmas Joy looks like may be very different to our loved ones!

Therefore a less prescribed approach to Christmas is far less likely to bring friction to the festivities. Allowing everyone to experience their own version of Christmas and perhaps being open enough to try out other people's ideas will bring the ability to be more flexible and help us discover joy more easily.

Christmas is a time of traditions and we can be resistant to try new things, but by being inclusive all members of the family can contribute in creating new traditions. Dickens Christmas Carol has a relevance even today. Christmas past is resigned to history and cannot be changed. Christmas future is an unknown and is shaped by what happens now. Christmas present is the only place changes can be made and Scrooge changed his destiny by taking heed of the power he had in the present. He embraced his own joy by experiencing gratitude for everything he had and spreading that joy with those around him bringing a hopeful Christmas. While Scrooge had believed he could not be joyful due to his past experiences he lived in the past recreating a pattern that confirmed his beliefs and stifled any joy. The turning point came when he was lucky enough to be given the foresight at to where his current joyless existence would lead. Scrooge was forced to look at the present in a different light and ignited his own internal ability to experience joy for Christmas and life!

Christmas joy can be found when we embrace the time we share with our loved ones and understand pure joy can only be present when we are present. While the quality of the turkey and the taste of the Christmas pudding may be considered important, it is the atmosphere and laughter that will bring the Merry to Christmas and the warmth and joy that will be cherished and remembered all year!

Looking for a Deeper Sense of Connection?

Sun, 08 Dec 2019 12:41:38 GMT

Practise, Share and Learn with ConneXions Group

ConneXions Group

· Last chance to reserve your place on the ConneXions group - December 10th!

· Be a part of a new movement and super-size your communication

· Take the opportunity to discover how to develop and benefit from learning communication excellence.

· Practise expressive and honest communication

· Feel fully equipped to interact, listen and share your thoughts and feelings more effectively

When we learn to connect and communicate our feelings effectively those around us have a better understanding and can offer the support we want.

We spend a lot of time not communicating, but even when we say nothing, we communicate something, but probably not what we want others to think or believe about us. The quality of our communication is our responsibility and can only develop when we are clear about what we want to communicate. It is often the case that we assume the receiver knows how we feel, and they already understand. So many miscommunications can be averted by learning to be clear on what we want to express.

Just saying ‘I feel rubbish today’ does not help the receiver to understand how you are feeling or how to respond. The receiver will have their own reference of what feeling rubbish means and it is unlikely to be the same. Communicating effectively requires detail and rather than letting the receiver guess what is the best approach to support you why not let them know. A good example might be:

‘I am feeling quite low today because I have been worrying about my Mum her health has been undermined by a continuous chesty cough and she is not looking after herself. I really appreciate that I can talk to you about this and you have listened to me, that is all I really needed, thanks’

‘I am feeling angry at work. It seems that no matter what I do I get criticism. I am doing my best, but it is not recognised, and I don’t feel valued. I would be really grateful if when I come home and I go to the bedroom you could give me space to deal with my feelings and I will come out when I am ready to talk, thank you for understanding.’

We can feel fearful of expressing how we really feel. Maybe we have tried before, but the response we had not been what we had hoped for. Perhaps we had been met with confrontation, criticism or judgement.

Practising effective communication and connecting in a safe environment can really promote and develop your communication skills. With your newly learnt skills it is much easier to let go of the old frustrations and experience a feeling of being understood and accepted.

Often, we can believe we have to agree with others’ opinions to be able to get on with them and that is not easy as we all have our own beliefs. The truth is the most important part of communication is being able to understand a view point and being open enough to see the issue from someone else’s map of the world. By developing this ability, we gain flexibility and acceptance when communicating. The role of the listener is not to agree or judge, but to accept the current position of the speaker, know they are doing their best, hear their challenges and allow them to have a voice. We may have believed in the past we had to react to the speaker by fixing the issue, offering advice or joining their campaign. However, the most valuable response is often to offer understanding and compassion.

Now that you understand the theory, learn to hone your skills and take advantage of a safe place to practise:

ConneXions Group

Find out more details call or E-Mail and to register to attend please use the following link and contact form:

https://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk/connexionsgroup

Date: 10th December and thereafter the second Tuesday of the month

Venue: Sunshine Clinic, 175 Send Rd, Woking GU23 7ET

Time: 6.30 - 8pm

Cost: £15

Karen Oliver: www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Develop the Art of Successful Communication

Fri, 22 Nov 2019 14:19:58 GMT

ConneXions Group

It is not always easy to communicate effectively with work colleagues, family or friends. We tend to use so many forms of communication that are designed to be sent quickly but can easily be misinterpreted. Many of us don’t think we have time to communicate in person and quickly become blissfully unaware of initial misinterpretation and continue to communicate. At best the receiver can be confused and sometimes the receiver is left feeling frustrated, upset or annoyed. Many of us have lost the art of taking time to express ourselves clearly and honestly. We tend to have a preconception that the receiver understands our thoughts, intention and agenda. What we forget is the receiver has their own thoughts, intention and agenda. In a phone conversation at least we might pick up on silences and tones and yet still we lack the benefit of visual cues in facial expressions and body language.

Our communication has become quicker, but our understanding has become more muddled and leaves a lot of scope for misunderstanding. When we don’t take the time and care the miscommunication can seriously undermine our objective and when we meet with negativity, we are often at a loss to know what has gone wrong.

Having a space to safely express honestly with others is more important and valuable today than ever before. Unfortunately, the majority of us are not going stop our day jobs and have the time to visit everyone we interact with. Therefore, learning face to face in a group how others perceive our style of communication helps to assess and moderate our interactions while remaining true to our needs and feelings. We cannot be responsible for how others react, but we are responsible for communicating considerately and honestly the message we want to relay.

Most of us will assume others communicate in the same way as we do and will therefore just intuitively get us straight away. The truth is we all have different styles of communication and even some words can have a very different meaning for each individual. To be understood requires being mindful of the receiver, assuming nothing and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. This may sound as if it is a lot of effort, but the results actually save a lot of time and unnecessary conflict by avoiding miscommunicating and reams of E-Mails or texts trying to make yourself understood or undo the damage with the disgruntled or upset receiver. In short, the more skilled we become at communication skills the more likely we are to be heard, understood and nurture relationships while being assertive and honest.

We are taught many useful skills at school and during our careers, but little time is taken to teach, develop and practise honest and expressive communication skills. Therefore, we can be left feeling unsafe and uncomfortable when put in a position of having to put across unwelcomed news. These messages need to be delivered face to face and with sensitivity that requires skill and confidence. However, with less and less contact many of us spending a good deal of our working lives remotely we can become far less skilled in delivering these vitally important messages.

To combat these issues and develop your communication to a higher level join ConneXions Group

Feel connected and understood by yourself and others
Feel safe to express yourself honestly
Learn, develop and practise skills for:
- Effective listening
- Communication skills
- Assertive communication
- State management
- Practical tools for self help

Find out more details call or E-Mail and to register to attend please use the following link and contact form:

https://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk/connexionsgroup

Date: 10th December and thereafter the second Tuesday of the month

Venue: Sunshine Clinic, 175 Send Rd, Woking GU23 7ET

Time: 6.30 - 8pm

Cost: £15

Karen Oliver: www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

ConneXions Group - Safe & Fulfilling Connection

Fri, 01 Nov 2019 11:07:51 GMT

Discover the art of effectively expressing yourself and gain insight into how to interact with others

ConneXions Group

Date: the 10th of December and

thereafter on the second Tuesday of the month

Venue: Sunshine Clinic, 175 Send Rd, Woking GU23 7ET

Time: 6.30 – 8pm

Cost: £15

The Aims of the Group:

• To Feel more equipped and able to deal with feelings and thoughts and how to express them effectively to others

• Encourage development of honest expressive communication in a safe environment

• Encourage safe connection with others.

Further Benefits

Attendees will benefit from Karen’s expertise by learning and developing the following skills:

Effective Listening
Understanding Self and Others
Communication Tools
State Management
Practical Tools for Self-Help

In this day and age of instant communication it would appear we are all far more connected and in touch. However, has our communication become more effective and how safe do we feel to truly express our feelings and opinions safely without reproach.

I have come to realise more and more of us have felt completely isolated and lonely. When we are not going with the tide of popular belief we can feel alienated and in the wrong. We are not always celebrated for our uniqueness and our different views. Social media has brought about some great strides forward for those who rely on it to connect with family and friends living in other countries. It has also unwittingly elevated envy and bullying and disregard for others feelings. It would be easy to believe our views and opinions are not acceptable and as such should be kept to ourselves for fear of judgement and attack. But what if we could all learn a better way to express ourselves while being considerate of others feelings and views. What if we had the tools to let go of our defensiveness and replace it with the ability to understand others' positive intention. What if we could develop a curiosity and interest in opinions that are not the same as our own to help build connections with ourselves and others.

Have you felt pressured to conform and change who you are to fit in?

Have you felt fearful of truly expressing your own opinions and feelings?
Have you felt frustrated and misunderstood?
Have you not felt able to communicate effectively?
Would tools to help you express clearly and assertively make a big difference?
Would you like a safe place to practise and learn?

To find out more details and register to attend the group

E-Mail: karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk or call on: 07782 381855/01932 403780

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

Practical Steps to Self Management

Thu, 03 Oct 2019 11:58:22 GMT

I guess we all like to think we have things under control, that we are self-disciplined and able to keep calm. How many of us have experienced moments of extreme behaviour that appear to come from nowhere? One moment we are happily bumbling along and the next we fly into inappropriate and uninhibited rage.

It would be easy to judge and criticise ourselves and exile this behaviour as unacceptable reprimanding ourselves for our temporary loss of control. But why does this happen? Undoubtedly there has to be a trigger, but often this can be subtle and yet still provokes this strong reaction.

The act of exiling this part of us that exhibits this over reaction can drive this part to grab another moment to burst out uninvited. This part may have been ostricized long ago and craves attention and a chance to express itself.

Self management is not about denying the parts that contribute to who we are. This denial has contributed to pushing this part to take up an extreme position that fights for some air space and a chance to have a voice. This part may have been in exile for so long because it was considered too dangerous or painful to be let in and it has been imprisoned and isolated. In short the longer it is exiled the more desperate and extreme it becomes.

Learning self management means allowing all parts to be heard and understood. The result of being able to accept all parts of you even those that you previously chastised brings harmony and more of a sense of unity. Therefore building a relationship with your parts under your careful management is far more likely to result in a peaceful calm place. It is not to say there won't be disagreements within you, but good management listens and leads to a holistic solution.

Harmony Through Self Management

1. Become aware of a time when you have experienced behaviour you would consider to be extreme.
2. Ask yourself what part of you was producing that reaction and where do you feel it in your body?
3. How would you label this part? For example dark part, sad part, scared part?
4. How do you relate to that part? For example do you chastise, criticise, judge?
5. How would you like to change how you feel towards this part?
5. Ask yourself the motive of this part, it's positive intention in what it does?
6. How often do you feel able to manage this part?
7. What are you aware of happening within you when it is triggered?
8. How successful are you at calming this part?
9. What does this part want for you?

When you have the answers to these questions you probably have a different perception of this part now. Take time to be still and allow yourself to be closer to this part while being completely safe and protected from its extreme emotions. Just get a sense of how that part feels and assure this part you hear it and are happy to listen and understand its positive intention. Put your hands on the part of your body where you feel this part is most present and imagine sending it the resources (i.e. love, understanding, compassion, empathy) it needs to release this extreme role it has taken on. Remind this part it wasn't always in this role and that it has attributes you consider to be valuable. Reassure this part you are there for it and can communicate with it more regularly and easily if it realises its value and works with you. Assure the part it can trust you to manage and lead and will consider this parts concerns.

Using modalities such as EFT that work with energy and affect the mind, body and emotions is very effective with aligning parts within you.

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

Self Worth Now!

Tue, 13 Aug 2019 17:15:39 GMT

'Sometimes the Hardest Part of the Journey is Believing you're Worthy of the Trip' Glenn Beck

How many of us are trying to squeeze ourselves into a blueprint of what and who we think we should be?
The blueprint most likely doesn't even belong to us. It could have been shaped and molded by our parents, teachers and significant others around us. Do we really want the things we are currently working towards or are they our perceptions of expectations of others? Many of us have unconsciously learnt to strive and struggle to achieve this blueprint, which by the way constantly changes as we think we have almost got there another hoop appears for us to jump through!

If this sounds familiar your worth has been based on your achievements and not on just having worth. Unfortunately many of us are influenced by a society that bases worth and value on achievement and constant goal post moving. It is not until we really understand that worth cannot be gained in any achievement that we also become aware that worth cannot be removed by not gaining any achievement. This realisation allows the freedom to reassess what our worth is based on! Our worth is innate, it is there all the time and cannot be diminished or increased by what we do, it is an underlying fact. We all have worth!

You may think that the struggle and striving you have been dealing with has to be present to ensure you don't just stop, become complacent and do nothing, but it is that very struggle and striving that wears you down and leads to burn out. When we celebrate our own worth as the person we are right now it doesn't stop us from achieving, far from it, it gives us energy and focus to achieve. After all we no longer have to judge or criticise ourselves for not achieving an outcome we are worthy anyway. We now achieve because we are no longer scared of not reaching our outcome and what it might mean about us. Now that we know we are worthy come what may not attaining an outcome can only mean feedback and we learn to take a different route or change our outcome. How fearless would we all be if we unquestionably knew our worth was a given and could not be taken away?

There is a big difference between working hard towards an achievement because we will then be acceptable and aiming towards an outcome with intention because we are developing and progressing and being the best version of ourselves. It is so much easier to go for it when we maintain our worthiness despite mistakes and mishaps. It gives us licence to take risks, show up and play big! We were not born to play it small!

When we are sure of our worthiness we don't waste energy on others' judgement and criticism. We do not focus on comparison with others or ourselves except to celebrate our progress! There is no value in comparison we are unique individuals with our own paths. Where we are now is where we were meant to be and by accepting our current place we can gain movement. All the while we resist our current status we block our own progress. It is important to accept and acknowledge where we are at and release any judgement of our own worth that we may not have made as much progress as we would have liked and are not where we think we should be. The way forward is open to us when we are at peace with where we are now. Take comfort in knowing you are where you are supposed to be and maybe the previous lack of movement was required, perhaps you were not ready until now to take any further steps. Allow times of stillness become opportunities to rest and assess what has been learnt and gained. Life is not a race, life is now and in each moment. Stop waiting for the next thing to come along and learn the value of just being. Sometimes being still quietens our mind enough to hear important lessons that will lead us further down our path.

When worthiness is unquestionable an easy flow of energy resumes and we become more aligned with our outcomes after all we deserve success! Not feeling worthy causes us to exercise self sabotage. We are most likely to get what we think we are worthy of and therefore if our worthiness is compromised we are likely to act in a way that will wreck our chances of success. However, if we are fully in alignment with our worthiness and our value is secure we are not only more likely to have success, we also become more resilient and positive about any set backs that might occur. This sense of worthiness allows us to focus on fulfilling our needs and we invest time and effort in our health and well-being elevating our sense of contentment and harmony.

Before you set any further intentions or outcomes check how well aligned you are with worthiness. Ask yourself do you deserve to be loved/successful? If there is any delay or doubt in your response it would be worth spending time on boosting your worthiness!

Start noting down any statements that surface about your own worthiness. The following are examples of worthiness lacking statements :

I am not clever enough
I am not slim enough
I make too many mistakes
I don't have enough money
I don't know enough

Ask yourself where you learnt that these things had to happen for you to be worthy?
Was it something your parents/teacher/significant adult said in your infancy?
How do you know it is true?
Have you based your worthiness on someone else's opinion?
What does it say about their sense of worthiness?
If it was never true can you now re-evaluate your worthiness?
Did this belief ever belong to you?

Emotional Freedom Technique is a great tool for letting go of old outmoded and unhelpful beliefs. See the EFT tapping chart using the following link: https://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk/downloads

Familiarise yourself with the tapping procedure and work on the statements that you thought were true about your own worthiness. Once worthiness feels more possible real and natural create some positive affirmations you can place in prominent positions. Some examples might be:

I honour my own worthiness in everything I do
Everyone is sacred and worthy of respect especially me
I am everything I need to be just as I am
I don't need to prove my worth to anyone

Imagine what you would look like if you were worthy right now?
How would you breathe?
How would you stand?
How would you sound?
How would it feel if you had worthiness right now?
Imagine now what you are capable of with this sense of worthiness?

The most important element of your life's path is not to wait or search for worthiness, but to start your journey with worthiness!

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

Practical Steps for Successful Communication

Thu, 20 Jun 2019 15:17:54 GMT

There are many assumptions made when we interact whether it is with a colleague, friend, partner or family member:

We unconsciously assume the other person:

Has the same views
Knows how we feel
Understands our needs
Knows our intention
Has the same desired outcomes
Is listening

When we start any communication with these assumptions in place it can be confusing when we receive a response that is in conflict with the message we intended. It can appear we are speaking different languages and that may be closer to the truth than we realise.

Human communication is complex and when we interact it is unlikely we will be at exactly the same point in our lives, hold the same beliefs or have the same needs therefore we are simply not on the same wavelength . Consider the following scenario:

Your manager wants to communicate about a project she would like you to organise. The manager believes you are ready in your career and she is giving you the opportunity to excel and take the next step towards promotion. She has picked you because she believes you would welcome the responsibility and have all the skills necessary. Your manager invites you into her office and says 'I have selected you to take up a new commitment in managing the team with a new project. It will mean being prepared to do some overtime on a regular basis and attending a training day next month. What do you think?'

You have in the past been happy to work overtime, but have recently experienced pressures at home. You have not felt completely committed at work and thought you were being called into the office because you have been distracted. You believe your manager is offering you the project because she wants to get you back on track and thinks you have been slacking. You take the offer as a criticism and feel guilty for having been unfocused. You feel overwhelmed by the prospect of overtime with your current pressures at home and wonder if your manager is pushing you to resign. You respond by saying in a less than enthusiastic tone 'How long have I got to think about it?'

Your manager is confused by your response as she is completely unaware of your home pressures and believes she may have made a mistake in offering the opportunity to you.

When you are experiencing any form of anxiety it is easy to translate people's communication into fictional stories based on how you feel and what you believe others think of you! You base your response on the perceptions you have of others views of you and your judgement of yourself. Opportunities can be missed and when you don't explain your thoughts and feelings those around you will not understand and fabricate their own stories to fill in the gaps of their understanding and come to their own conclusions.

This is just one example. Think of the many interactions you have experienced when you have have been confused by someone's reactions and responses. Clear communication requires both parties to understand the other's current emotional and mental position.

How can we ensure our communication reflects the message we intend?

1. The first step is to know exactly what you want to convey. This may sound obvious, but often when we get into a conversation we miss out crucial information that leaves room for misinterpretation. Set yourself an outcome for the interaction and If it is an important conversation write down the key points you want to put across that will help you stay on track to reach that outcome.
2. Always enter any interaction with the intention of reaching a win win conclusion. When both parties have been heard and their needs considered it is far easier to come to a mutually agreeable conclusion.
3. It is important to gain some rapport with the person you are going to communicate with. There may be occasions when you do not usually get on with the person involved, but it is necessary for you to communicate with them. You do not need to like the person to gain rapport.
4. One way of gaining rapport is to pay full attention to what the other person is saying and gaining an understanding of their position. You do not have to condone or judge others' opinions and perceptions just accept it is their map of the world. By gaining rapport you are far more likely to have a successful interaction and get what you require.
5. Request that you both listen without interruption while the other person speaks unless asked to interject. Listening is a very useful skill to develop. Many of us think we are listening when we are really just thinking about what we want to say next. When you truly listen and clear your mind with the intention of receiving the full message from the other person you can gain far better insight. Be aware of how you are feeling about the other person's communication and suspend any compulsion to put the other person right based on your opinion. Accept their point of view.
6. Communicate any background information that the other person may not be aware of that is relevant to the conversation. We often miss out important details that help the other person make sense of our position.
7. When there is an important message you want to communicate pick a time that you can sit down with this person and talk face to face. Make sure you make good eye contact.
8. During the conversation check in with the person that they are understanding what you are communicating by asking questions like 'Do you understand what I mean?' 'Are you with me so far?' 'Please tell me what you understand from what I have said' Making these simple checks will stop any miscommunications early on by giving you the chance to clear up any misunderstandings.
9. If the interaction is with someone you know well reflect on what you know about their style of communication. Maybe they speak slowly and take time to reflect. They might be fast speaking and direct or use their words carefully and deliberately. Do your best to adopt their preferred style of communication, but avoid mimicking.
10. Everyone has their own hidden hot buttons. If their emotional state suddenly changes it maybe a hot button has been pressed. Check that they are happy to continue and encourage them to express how they are feeling. It maybe a good time to take a break and come back to the conversation when you have both had time to reflect and regroup. Remember you are not responsible for others' hot buttons, but you are responsible for your communication. Do your best to deliver your communication in a kind and considerate way.
11. Notice the type of language the other person uses. We all have a preferred way of taking in information to make sense of the world around us.
Some people are more visual and therefore use language that reflects their preference:
'I see what you mean' or 'I get the picture'
Some are more auditory and process most information through what they hear and use phrases such as:
'I hear what you are saying' or 'It is as clear as a bell'
Others are predominantly kinaesthetic and make sense of the world through their feelings and use language such as:
'I feel a sense of' or 'I have a gut instinct'
When you are aware of these preferences you can make a real difference by matching their preferred method of understanding. They will be more inclined to think you are on the same wavelength deepening your rapport.
12. Keep your language clean by taking out any judgemental language i.e. 'You let me down' 'You made me angry' 'You are lazy' Keep to the facts about any situation and use 'I feel' statements.
13. Body language is an unconscious way that we communicate with each other. Becoming aware of those we interact with and their body language will assist in your quest to be heard and understood. Take time to observe people in public places and how they mirror each others body language. It is like an unconscious dance that communicates a level of rapport. By mirroring the body language of those we communicate with we are far more likely to gain even deeper levels of rapport and understanding.
14. To gain a bridge with the person you are communicating with put yourself in the other person's shoes. What angle are they coming from? What might be their positive intention? It may not be your point of view, but it helps if you understand where they are coming from.
15. Once you have awareness and understanding of the other person's view point, communicate that understanding at the beginning of any important communication. This will have the effect of getting them on side and they will believe you get them and respect their view. You are far more likely to be listened to when you express understanding of others.
16. Be willing to give the other person's view some consideration even if it is completely opposed to your own views. Consider their views with curiosity and interest. Being open to others' opinions allows you to grow and develop. You do not have to take on their perceptions as your truths, but just by exploring a different way of thinking helps to expand your knowledge of others. This exploration improves your skills of understanding and interacting with people with wide ranging views. Remember in most cases there is only opinion none of which are right or wrong!

What most of us really want in any interaction is to be heard and understood regardless of the outcome. Utilising the steps above assist in developing a process for more successful communication.

Learning to interpret and speak the same language develops when we take time to understand, explore and accept those around us!

What Price Success?

Thu, 11 Apr 2019 09:44:41 GMT

The pressure of success is evident early on in our lives. As soon as we can sit up we are urged to crawl and walk. When we enter school the tests come quick and fast.

It all starts with the painting on the fridge in childhood. We receive well meaning praise for our painting and it is placed on the fridge as a trophy of our achievement, but how often are we reminded we would be acceptable without having to produce this masterpiece? We are conditioned to believe we have to constantly strive for success to be acceptable and this success is strongly based on our academic ability and the six figure salary we are expected to achieve.

Perhaps you overhead your parents proudly announcing how you were an A star student or maybe you have made the same statements about your own children without realising how this could be perceived by your off spring. As a young child it is easy to perceive we have to keep striving for those A grades to gain approval and be good enough.

No wonder many of us fall into levels of low mood and discontent with the constant message that we need to strive for more success to be valid. No sooner have we taken our SATS there is talk of the importance of GCSEs and higher education and then the high flying career. Are we ever going to be good enough?

Why has the underlying meaning of success become one dimensional? In a universe with such a wide spectrum of unique individuals how did success become such a narrow and limiting outcome?

A frequent question when you first meet someone is 'What do you do?' and the pressure can bring the temptation to embellish to ensure approval and the appearance of success. Sometimes you even hear people being described as a 'success' and yet the measure is based on a superficial judgement of what being a success really is.

The meaning of success is: the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

This definition does not imply a context and yet the assumption in every day life is it applies our academic accomplishments and financial status. What is missing is the encouragement and celebration of the diversity that exists within human beings leaving many feeling inadequate.

What would happen if we put more energy into acceptance of people rather than judgement of what they do or what they are aiming to achieve. Couldn't we just be appreciated for who we organically grow to be. Surely success as the definition states could apply to any area. You could aspire to be a successful mother, friend, driver, carer and the list goes on.

What if we could focus on seeing the small successes we achieve daily and just be content and appreciative of a successful day. Couldn't we be considered successful because we live a contented life. Who wouldn't want that? We have been conditioned to keep searching and achieving more without taking time to fully appreciate what we have achieved or why we are striving to achieve it. When we don't stop and enjoy what is currently happening and race on to attain that prized achievement we miss the real purpose of the exercise. It is the journey not the prize that is important. It is the learning not the outcome that gives us life lessons.

When we believe and feel we are enough it is far easier to feel successful and that the next achievement does not define who we are, but is the next adventure. It doesn't rely on even achieving the outcome, just attaining some form of personal development that enriches life.

How many times do you hear people say
'I will be successful when I have.....!'
The mindset that holds that statement as their truth will not retain a feeling of accomplishment. It comes from a place of lacking and fuels a constant search for approval searching for constant quests to achieve success.

Real success happens when we have developed a successful mindset that allows us to enjoy exploring and learning just because we can, and when we do not base our value as a person on achievement. Those that find success every day are more motivated due to the pure joy they invest in what they do. The joy is what spurs them on and makes everything they do feel more effortless. It is not to say they do not put effort in, just that they are going with the flow of positive energy and believing success doesn't have to be stressful or difficult. Life gets easier when you have supportive beliefs about what success is. Imagine holding a firm belief that you have to prove yourself and success has to be hard and endured. This belief would ensure you worked long stressful hours and that nothing came easy. Can you imagine how this would affect your energy and health? Now imagine you hold a firm belief that you are always good enough and you experience successes every day. How would that change how you behaved and felt about yourself and what effect would this have on your energy and health?

We tend to find in life that whatever we believe manifests evidence to back up our belief as fact. What facts would you prefer? Success is ours for the taking, and dependent on what route taken as to what price we will pay?

Whose View of the World is Right?

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 14:30:47 GMT

Our view of the world and a sense of right and wrong is developed in our early years. Our parameters are based on our family’s values, beliefs and our perceived role. Dependent on how we experience right, wrong and fairness it can contribute to unhelpful unconscious childhood programming. The patterns of behaviour played out in our families can install a paradigm of battling with being right. When we have consistently experienced inflexibility and rigid concepts of what is right and wrong, proving a point can become compelling and all consuming. Unfortunately, when we doggedly argue our corner it can cost us the goodwill of others as usually this requires someone being proved wrong. The very need to prove our point suggests a fear as we become defensive and fearful of our core beliefs being proved to be false. If we let go of these longstanding foundational beliefs we lose the certainty and safety they supply.

By expanding our understanding that right and wrong are on the whole perceptions from an individual’s viewpoint and not based on truth challenges our previously black and white view. Accepting our beliefs are second hand based on our family’s views and not concrete facts can help us to be more accommodating of others’ perspectives. Taking a moment to assess how well those family beliefs have served our parents can give us better insight into which beliefs have positive value and are worth keeping. We may have missed many helpful, interesting grey areas in our refusal to explore perceptions unfamiliar from our usual position. Opinions are based on an individual’s unique values and beliefs and when we are able to consider another’s views we free ourselves to openness. In the process we are more readily able to release the need to judge and be right. Being able to live by beliefs that bring us joy, peace and happiness without feeling challenged by others’ differing views alleviates the need to enforce our opinions on others.

When we are equipped with curiosity and unconditional love for human kind we are more likely to discover peace and serenity and the urge to jump to conclusions and make assumptions diminishes. Our values and beliefs are how we all make sense of the world. When some of our beliefs have been shaped by hurt, anger, fear and sadness the beliefs we filter our experiences through taint our thoughts, reasoning and drive our behaviours to our own detriment. Remaining open to all opinions gives us the opportunity to assess whether the viewpoints we are exposed to could be an asset in our quest for personal development. The ability to set aside our assumptions and really gauge whether someone else’s opinion could be a great insight and resource is a sign of emotional and spiritual progress.

It becomes easier to achieve a safer viewpoint of the world when we willingly embrace a more open and compassionate mindset. When we let go of right and wrong in our daily communication we no longer feel threatened by others’ views and opinions. Indeed, quite the opposite becomes accessible: A deeper understanding and empathy for those who exhibit opposing or fearful behaviour and opinions. Nurturing a willingness to allow others just to be, without need to criticise or change unlocks the possibility to release our own self judgement and accept our inner most thoughts and feelings. When we just accept, even our darkest thoughts, we are liberated from them. Consequently, as the judgement dissipates the focus and energy no longer fuels these thoughts and they lose their power. The energy and focus can be redirected to generate supportive thoughts and behaviours as we learn to accept or even like our imperfections.

The practice of acceptance of ‘what is’ sets us on the path to enlightenment. Often, we criticise those that exhibit thoughts and behaviours we have judged to be wrong in ourselves. It is important we learn to express our opinions without the need to forcefully push our views. Instead just expressing our opinions without need for others to validate, approve or agree. Accepting we cannot change others brings us the power to discover true recognition of the world’s diversity and the ability to value and possibly admire others’ viewpoints. The only changeable elements are how we as individuals think, feel and react to behaviours and events.

We learn and grow by the very acknowledgement of the great polarity of values and beliefs that are held by others. It becomes easier with practice to view others with curiosity and respect and gratefulness for what we can learn. We each and every one of us gain by learning from others who do not share our map of the world. The benefits enable us to develop a broader perspective and establish a more peaceful and safe place in the world while permitting the right of others to their beliefs.

Much of our behaviour is triggered automatically without question. When we gain more awareness of these patterns and consciously step back in an attempt to understand others’ and their views we have truly begun to master our emotional states and negate our own blind spots. We can consider whether it is really necessary or beneficial to react negatively and seek solace in our own beliefs and judgement. What behaviour would be more valuable? Seize the opportunity to be curious and search for a better understanding of the person’s journey and how they arrived at their current view of the world.

There is no one right way to live, just numerous options and paths. We are all searching for contentment, joy, peace and love often ignoring the very avenues that will bring that fulfilment. By reacting in a less than positive way to alternative methods we limit our chances to awareness of choice and discovering the very resources that will fuel our personal power.

What have we overlooked by dismissing others’ opinions. What if we could gain something valuable that promotes our personal growth and peace from everyone we interact with, especially those that challenge our strong beliefs. The greatest life changing learning occurs when we have overcome the biggest challenges. How often have we denied ourselves the chance to expand emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

To continue to broaden the limits of our understanding it is necessary to pursue the chance to be challenged and seek out the opportunities to grow internally. We often search for fulfilment of our needs externally only to find satisfaction is short lived and unsustainable. The change we seek cannot be manipulated externally through others or by investing in material items. Once we turn our attention inwards we unlock our ability to invest in our power to change.

True strength does not come from putting up a barricade to the outside world or hiding away. The outside world is not the threat. The biggest threat is how we perceive ourselves and our place in the world. By accepting the lessons, we can learn from those who touch our lives the ability to be flexible, compassionate and accepting and once we possess these attributes can truly live authentically. To be open and vulnerable builds resilience and inner strength and encourages us to bestow our flexibility, compassion and acceptance on others and even more importantly on ourselves.

Everything we experience in life only has meaning when we attach a story. But what if the story we previously attached was filled with faulty thinking. What if the beliefs and values we filtered our experience through were created on misunderstandings and miscommunications. What if the very beliefs we live within are no longer useful and should have been outmoded long ago. What if we could suspend our resistance to different viewpoints and notice how differently we experience the world around us. What if this would give us a completely diverse angle and experience. What could we learn from that experience? How would it change what we think and believe and how we react?

What if categorising opinions and behaviours as wrong or right robs us of the chance to extract and absorb what we need to evolve. Our ability to accept ourselves and others with their values and beliefs is enhanced when we actively seek the positive intention. It is not necessary to condone or agree, but equally not helpful to judge, just accept!

Request your free 20 minute phone introduction

· Discover your challenges and how to overcome them

· Find and remove your outmoded, unhelpful beliefs

· Learn how to express yourself and be heard and understood

· Discover tools for relieving stress and anxiety

· Learn and experience new techniques to support your quest for optimum personal growth

Karen Oliver

www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

karen@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

01932 403780/077823 381855

The Gift of Healing

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Thu, 27 Sep 2018 11:05:56 GMT

How to gain optimum health

On a day to day basis it is easy to take our health for granted and not consciously consider how our bodies work so tirelessly to keep us at optimal health. Indeed, it was not until I experienced my own health challenge that I truly reflected on how amazing every component of the body is at repairing and rejuvenating and achieving perfect health.

Doctors talk of miracles when they observe a patient making a full recovery from what might have been considered a terminal disease, and although it is truly extraordinary, these complete recoveries are more common than we know. When your energy body is returned to balance and alignment disease disappears.

I am sure you are aware of the damage overtime of consistent high levels of stress on the body caused by persistent negative emotions such as anxiety and fear. When the body is constantly flooded with cortisol and adrenaline our health is jeopardised. It is not possible for healing to take place while these bodily chemicals are running rampage. For the processes that keep our bodies healthy to be fully effective and keep us young and vibrant it is essential to reduce the stress habit.

There are simple techniques that dissipate old unhelpful habits by working on our brain waves. Our brain waves can be measured by an EEG machine. We run on five waves - beta, alpha, delta, gamma & theta. All of these waves are necessary for different elements of our health. However, consistent high beta waves are prevalent in those that are anxious, stressed and depressed. Low beta waves are necessary for conscious thinking, but high beta waves allow monkey brain thinking to take over and our stress hormones to be triggered. Monkey brain leads us to battle with ourselves and talk ourselves into panic and fear. These type of thoughts only serve to increase our levels of anxiety.

Beta waves have two parts high beta and low beta. Low beta waves are required to run our bodies automatic functions such as breathing and heart beat. High beta waves are present when we are required to carry out conscious thinking tasks such as writing an essay, learning in a lecture or following complicated instructions. However stress results in unusually elevated levels of beta. When we experience confrontation, are overwhelmed at work, thinking about a trauma or just processing negative thoughts our brains respond by moving into high beta. If you or anyone around you is operating at a high level of stress you can be sure they are in high beta.

The more stressed people become, the higher the amplitude of the beta their brains produce. Negative emotions such as anger, fear, blame, guilt and shame produce large flares of beta in the EEG readout. (Dawson Church, Mind to Matter 2018).

Meditation and energy techniques allow us to enter and experience alpha waves for a prolonged amount of time. When our brains experience higher levels of alpha waves we discover a sense of oneness and peace with ourselves and the world around us. Alpha waves also decrease the level of high beta waves and are a bridge to the other brain waves. Gamma waves are accessed mostly during times of learning and processing data from different parts of the brain. Gamma waves are also present during meditation and signify heightened awareness and those who experience high gamma waves report a blissful state. Theta waves are present in healers during a healing treatment. Delta waves occur during deep sleep. Delta are also present at a higher level in those who are healers or meditate.

I know many people try meditation, but think they are doing it wrong and give up when they don't find it easy to clear the mind. Good news, you don't have to! We are human beings that have thousands of thoughts every day. Meditation allows you to notice the thought and bring yourself back to your breath. Meditation brings focus and clarity and the more you practice the easier it becomes. Meditation works best when you make it a regular habit. If you are not able to find time every day perhaps start with 15 minutes three times a week. Meditation is not a quick fix, it works best when you incorporate it into your life as a form of brain maintenance. Meditation trains your brain to work more effectively to achieve more peace and contentment and affects how you react to challenging incidents that previously might have sent you into high anxiety. You will discover you remain calmer and think more rationally when faced with adversity. And best of all your overall health will improve as your immune system, digestion and reproductive systems work efficiently. Accessing alpha waves regularly also has an effect on slowing down your body's aging process. I recommend the following meditation that uses a mixture of mindfulness, meditation, EFT & heart coherence. EcoMeditation was created by Dawson Church. You can download it for free from https://www.eftuniverse.com/newsletter/congratulations-here-s-your-free-gifts

EFT has a similar effect on your brain waves and can be utilised to promote healing and improve your health. Apart from increasing alpha waves it has the ability to help you shift old unhelpful thinking patterns and beliefs that may have previously held you back until now. Take time to recollect any internal dialogue and associated beliefs connected to your health:

My immune system is never very effective
I am prone to chest infections
Whenever I get a cold it lasts for a couple of weeks
I get everything that is going around
I get more attention when I am not well

Our minds are very proficient at acting on our strongly held beliefs as if it were the absolute truth and that is great when they are in alignment with what we desire. Perhaps some of the above beliefs ring true or maybe you have others. To eliminate these challenges use EFT to tap them away and give your health a boost.

If you are not familiar with EFT please check out my tapping process chart:
https://websitebuilder.123-reg.co.uk/home/ed/site/f72715d7/downloads

Let's take the belief 'I get more attention when I am not well' as an example

Imagine you held this belief. How did this become a belief that is true? Most people build these beliefs as children. Maybe you had parents who were so busy you felt overlooked, but when you were unwell they cooked chicken soup, read stories and gave you the hugs and reassurance you needed.

In your infant mind you made a decision that you were only able to receive love and attention if you were unwell. Give it a number from 0 - 10 of how true that belief is right now.

Start using EFT on that decision by repeating out loud the following and rubbing the sore spot: Even though I am only able to gain attention from those around me if I am unwell I still completely and deeply accept love and forgive myself.

Proceed to tap on the points completing as many rounds as necessary while repeating out loud the following reminder phrases:

I cannot ask for attention
Everyone is too busy
The only way I can access the love I need is to be unwell
I only feel loved and accepted when I am unwell
I am too needy
Everyone is too busy to notice me
Being unwell is the only time I deserve love
I don't have the right to be loved as I am
If i didn't feel unwell I would never receive love
It is ok to be needy when I am ill
I am accepted when I am unwell
How would I get attention if I was healthy
Healthy people don't have needs

Continue until this belief becomes doubtful, notice the number of intensity, maybe it has dropped to a more moderate number 3 or 4 and the belief is not as convincing any longer.

Go back to the sore spot and say the following set up out loud: Even though I did believe I only had the right to request love if I was not well, I choose to question this infant decision now I am an adult and have more resources and I completely and deeply accept love and forgive myself.

Tap on the points and repeat the following reminder phrases out loud:

I thought I had to be unwell to request love
I used to believe I didn't deserve anything more
I am beginning to allow myself to be open to new ways of thinking
What if this was never true and I could have asked for attention anytime
What if I could have received love anytime without being unwell
What if my parents were so busy they just didn't realise they might not have been emotionally present
What if I can generate unconditional love right now and send it to my whole body
I choose to be open to the love available to me
I choose to believe I have always been worthy of receiving love
I choose to be healthy and loved.

Notice how the original belief has been questioned and is no longer the ultimate truth, but merely a misconception of a young child that needed attention and love. Maybe the intensity has dropped to a very low number or even 0. Notice how that feels in your body.

Often unwittingly we take on board other people's beliefs as our own. We are constantly surrounded by information masked as truth and it is easy when we doubt out selves to be overtaken with someone's strongly held convictions. The majority of these gems of knowledge are opinion based on their experience. As everyone experiences life differently there cannot be a one size fits all type of belief. Take note of the opinion givers level of contentment before you decide to accept their beliefs. Question what the belief will do for you. Take care to filter the advice you receive and decide if your life will be enriched by taking this on as your own.

If you find yourself consistently feeling low in energy and unwell or are faced with a health challenge, ask yourself what resources are available to gain back physical, emotional and spiritual balance. What can I do to aid my own overall health? Working towards an underlying sense of peace and calm will boost natural healing and aid in your journey back to optimal health.

If the issue you are wanting to dissipate is between 7 and 10 of intensity, I would recommend you consult an EFT Practitioner to guide and assist you.

Karen Oliver
www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
info@e-motionalsolutions.co.uk
07782 381855/01932 403780

5 Steps to Find Your True Value

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Mon, 30 Jul 2018 11:27:40 GMT

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

We are taught to search for value and make sure we get our money's worth. How much we are willing to pay for a product is one way of assessing how much we value and place importance on objects. We can tend to put value on people in a similar way. The measure of how much someone is worth is consistently linked to financial assets. Media attention focuses on the glitzy life of celebrities and elevates a wide spread message our value is only as good as our bank balance. The consequences of the value we place on financial wealth and status undermines other areas of wealth that can truly sustain a fulfilled life and a high sense of self worth. Whilst our own value can be partially reflected in how much we earn or how successful our business is, this one dimensional measure does not give the full picture or guarantee a contented life. There is a clear connection with our belief that our financial status gives us a sense of worth and the degree to which we invest in our own health and well-being. We have adopted this misguided gauge and the drip drip effect of external materialistic messages have brought about an unhealthy and faulty competitiveness driven by ego, jealousy and envy. This mindset has developed a thought process based in lack and fear and induces judgement and self criticism if we do not make the grade financially.

The 21st century has brought with it a wider divide between those the haves and have nots and with it more dissatisfaction and stress. With the acceleration of consumerism comes a constant underlying message that you will not be important, happy or worth while until you gain material assets and you can never have enough. As this belief gains power less importance is placed on human attributes - our love, time, compassion and generosity. We have lost touch with the value of connection and compassion with our fellow man, in the false belief we have to compete and by accumulating money and possessions we can avoid our fears of being without and worthless!

It is important to learn to place value on basic human needs - love, shelter and food. These needs are essential to grow and develop and live a contented life. Media messages play on our fear of being left out and not acceptable in order to sell us happiness and prove our value. it is easier to see how the constant pursuit of more can only be unfulfilling when we realise how futile this consumerist loop can be. We have no need for the latest iPhone or Xbox game when the current ones are still functional. And no sooner have we purchased the latest fad there is a new version that we just have to buy! True value can only exist when we stop trying to fulfill our lack of feeling of value with material products. Of course in this modern world it may be necessary to acquire some technology, but becoming aware of the reason for the purchase and not being swayed by the media can be tricky. We all want to believe we have value for money, but the latest gadgets are alluring. It is essential if you do not want to be manipulated into buying something that has more functions than you could ever possible need to construct a tick list. Write the functions that are essential to complete the task the new purchase is required for. Now research the products that will fulfill these functions. Discount those that have unnecessary added extras and pinpoint the piece of kit that ticks the requirements boxes. When we are taught to always want more we are not told when it is enough. No wonder we are not equipped to measure our own value, there is always a purchase offering more that we are manipulated into believing is of upmost value.

Finding our sense of our own worth is evident in how comfortable we are with ourselves without the hoards of paraphernalia we possess. We represent ourselves while hiding behind our new car and well cut suit. It takes a conscious awareness to stop allowing material brainwashing and stand up as ourselves with no fancy accessories to display to the world our value. Our true value has been blurred and as a race we lose track of what is really important in the competitive chase to accumulate. The best we can expect is to numb our fear and give a false sense of being better than others to feel valued, but this is a temporary state that constantly requires further purchases of goods. We have learnt to look outside of ourselves for rewards. As children aren't we taught if we are good we can have some sweets or if we pass an exam we can have a gift of our choice. Unwittingly we learn that all good things come gift wrapped and external proof is necessary that we are good enough.

Only half a century ago a sense of community was more prevalent which had a beneficial impact on our values and beliefs. The emphasis was on family time and social gatherings and a perception of being in it together. Time has become a valuable commodity that none of us have enough of. We fill our days with busyness and many of us do not reap the rewards of community. It was more evident that kindness and compassion were to be valued and the measure of people was not in what they had, but their generous spirit of giving. Once we regain a sense of all humanity being a part of the same network it is clear to see the success of our race relies on our love and value of each and every one of us. This understanding brings clarity to our consumerist existence that does not invest in our spiritual well-being and cannot be sustained. Technology and science have outpaced our human spiritualism. We keep pushing ahead with little thought of the consequences. Just because it is possible does not mean we should advocate and develop technology that wastes our world's resources for unnecessary products and our own short term gain and convenience.

True value can be seen when we acknowledge and respect our human network and nurture a sense of compassion and responsibility to care for the world and its inhabitants. Compassion is the key to finding value and worth. We all have a role to play in serving the good of the whole, but it is important to know and value ourselves equally. Giving is not a one way process. When we give unconditionally we give to ourselves the gift of light and goodness. Notice when you allow your self worth to be attached to a purchase how long the emotional high lasts. Compare that to the contentment of doing a good deed with the intention of giving unconditionally.

Compassion starts internally, it is not possible to be truly compassionate towards others if you do not bestow it on yourself. When you forgive your own mistakes and perceived weaknesses, it is more natural to extend forgiveness and compassion to others.

Developing a Sense of True Value

To begin to find your true value starts with making conscious changes and developing practices that support you on your internal journey:

Say out loud and notice how it feels -' I value myself' If there is resistance in the form of an uncomfortable sensation in you body? Where do you feel it? Is there an internal voice that is not congruent with this statement? Notice and just be with that feeling and breathe deeply into that area to the count of four and repeat the word expand as you breathe out to the count of four. Repeat this several times and notice how the sensation changes and dissipates. Become aware of any voice that has previously opposed you feeling valued and acknowledge its message. Imagine that you can easily move the voice from your body into a balloon. Set the balloon free into the air and watch as it drifts away. With each breath notice as it gets further and further away and become aware of how the voice becomes quieter as it gets further and further away until you can no longer hear it. Now that you have silence you can choose what dialogue you would like to run? What would you rather hear that would support you? Perhaps you would like to encourage the possibility of feeling valued by repeating 'I am learning to value myself just as I am'
We can be very good at reciting a list of the things we believe need improvement, but how often do we list our own attributes? Guide your focus to find the things you like about yourself, even if they are not very big right now. It could be something as simple as 'I like the way I smile' or 'I am a good listener'. Put your mind to work searching for as many qualities as possible. Once you have written your list, read it back and notice how the words affect how you feel. Revisit the list and add to it at least once a week. Think of a close friend or family member you connect with, trust and respect. Ask yourself what would they say to you if you questioned your own value? What advice would they give? Nurture a sense of being your own best friend. What support would you give your own best friend?
To value yourself there needs to be authenticity in who you are. This means accepting every aspect of the true you. Who were you meant to be? What aspects of you were judged and criticised that you had learnt to hide? Maybe you were taught anger wasn't acceptable or your family avoided confrontation. In response you have hidden anger or avoided voicing an opinion. You have learnt to feel shame about feeling anger or having a strong opinion. Now that you are aware of this, ask yourself, 'What else could this mean?' It is important to recognise you have conformed to these family rules in order to be accepted as a child, but by doing so you suppressed some authentic parts of you and previously held shame for having those aspects of your self. Now that you are an adult begin to accept you made decisions when you were a child that helped you to survive and that was successful as you are here. However, this old strategy now holds you back and doesn't allow you to be free to be you and value every part of you. Send yourself permission to feel those emotions and accept the behaviour and that it is safe now to express every part of you. Even those parts of you that you had hidden can now be acknowledged and given forgiveness and acceptance.
Imagine yourself as your desired self. The version of you that you aspire to be in the future. Create a picture of yourself as your desired self. Make it a short movie with full colour and sound. Notice how you look in that movie, how you are standing, breathing, talking. Who else is in your desired self movie? Are you smiling? What must you be believing as your desired self? What attributes do you have that allow you to be this version of you that you always knew you could be? What have you learnt about yourself that allowed you to be fully accepting of you? Notice how content and fulfilled you feel right now. How do you feel when you look at that movie? Now imagine you can step in to your desired self and experience how differently you now look - seeing it through your own eyes, sound - hearing through your own ears. How are you standing/sitting notice the change in your breathing and how this changes your feelings about yourself. Become aware of where you have that sense of joy, peace and true value. Allow that sense of true value to grow and develop with each breath you take and enjoy being connected to the true version of you.
We were all born with natural gifts, but sometimes these are not nurtured and we don't find it easy to recognise the positive contribution we were destined to give to the world. No plant or animal restricts itself because it happens to live in a less than perfect environment. A tree doesn't stop when it gets to six foot and refuse to grow higher. It just keeps on growing regardless. A bird doesn't decide to fly low it soars through the sky to the best of its ability. And yet we decide to play it small in case some might judge, be envious or we might get it wrong. We owe it to the world to take up our part whatever that might be and play it large. If you couldn't fail what would you do? When we allow our passions to be expressed in the world we find our niche. Seek out your own expertise and allow your true value to shine!

Harmonious Relationships

karenoliver31@hotmail.com (Karen Oliver) — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 19:44:31 GMT

While we all seek to create and maintain harmonious relationships, it seems
this state of harmony with our significant other is not always easy to
acquire. And I can't help wondering if our expectations are too high and
our willingness to persist and meet the challenges has deteriorated. In a
world of quick fixes and instant gratification we are giving up and moving on
only to find we fall into the same pattern in the next relationship.

Maybe you can justify break ups with reasons, and sometimes those are valid,
how many times have you got past the honeymoon stage and not liked the
reality of your partner’s annoying habits? What if this pattern is also a
reflection of your own intolerance and judgment of self. It is not
possible to create a harmonious relationship when there is inner discord with who
you are.

We abandon our chance of harmony when we do not focus on seeking the best in our partners.
Persistence within relationships is a path to growth and development in self approval and
acceptance and in recognition of our own virtues.

The quality of our communication uncovers the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Although we may try to ignore or veil our inner most insecurities they surface in our interactions and seek out faults and problems in alignment with limiting self-beliefs. So the perfect mate after only three months later degenerates into a mirror reflection of self judgments, doubts and fears.

If you don't want to jump from one break up to another the first step is to look at how you communicate with yourself. Is your inner dialogue compassionate, encouraging and forgiving or judging and insulting? When you allow constant inner dialogue to continue under the radar your truth is compromised by your less than glowing view of yourself. This type of inner dialogue is like brainwashing and is never going to bring you inner peace. Become aware of your chatter, observe it and notice how frequently you berate yourself. Once you have this awareness it is easier to make choices. Have these thoughts produced the results you desire or do they contribute to the lack of manifesting a satisfying and fulfilling lasting relationship? Perhaps you are attracting the relationship which fits your current negatively biased view of what you deserve.

How can you begin to create change in your inner narrative? First and fore most it is necessary to be more consciously aware of the inner dialogue to runs and notice how it affects your emotional state. Once you note how frequently you are allowing this torrent of abuse to take place you are in a position of choice. What would you like to believe about yourself? Is that possible? Now that it is, begin with questioning that inner dialogue. Is this really true about me? Do I deserve better? Aren't I just as good as everyone else? Am I loveable? Is it possible for me to forgive myself? The answers to these questions will give you an gauge of the status of your beliefs about yourself and how this has a compromising effect on your abilities. What if you could switch your focus from the behaviours you are critical of and turn your attention to the elements that are acceptable. If I liked and accepted myself now what attributes would I notice? Create a list and say each quality out loud, and if you feel able right now, look into the mirror as you speak your positive possibilities. Notice how it feels to verbalise these qualities. Tell yourself that even though you are not entirely comfortable with how you have felt about yourself up until now, you can be a little happier today.

We often learn limiting beliefs from those closest to us as we grow up and take on board opinions that were never ours in the first place and as such can be frequently misinterpreted. What if the belief you developed from a comment was never intended in the way it was perceived and you have spent a life time living in alignment with a false belief. When those around us are under stress we may be the target for their hurt, anger or sadness. It is not easy logically to see past this behavior especially when we are young children with limited ability to rationalise. Evaluate your beliefs, and ask yourself - How did they start? Are they unsuitable and outdated? Untrue and unhelpful? If these beliefs did not belong to me, but were passed down and therefore not valid, as I do not hold ownership, what other beliefs and behaviours would this new realisation affect? What other beliefs could I begin to grow if these false beliefs were no longer present for me?

It is not until we question and address our relationship with ourselves that we can begin to manifest the partnership we desire. Nurturing the qualities we admire in ourselves and noticing the progress we are making gives us a path to our authentic self, the person we truly desire to be. We sometimes become hijacked by what we think will make us happy, but once we trust our own instincts and have the courage to follow them we are truly on track. It is not easy to attract an authentic soul mate if you are not being yourself for fear of judgement. If you are intending on sending out a universal advert for a partner be sure to shine the light on the beauty of who you are. Accept even the parts you previously considered to be weaknesses for they are your human perfect imperfections. When you are focusing on being at peace with every part of you creating harmony with a partner is a natural and rewarding process.

Brain Training

Tue, 02 Jan 2018 08:51:00 GMT

What we are taught from an early age is flawed in its concepts. We are either rewarded for being a good girl/boy or punished for mistakes and labelled bad. At an identity level we associate with being good or bad instead of believing we are acceptable even when we don’t make great decisions and make mistakes. We are lovable even when we exhibit anger or say something that received a negative response. It is easy to see how we become scared of making mistakes and view them as failure and feel the pressure to conform even if it means suppressing our true nature. We learn what we think is expected of us and squeeze ourselves into that inflexible model ignoring our own dissatisfaction and objections. We accept the perceived world view on where we fit in and pay no attention to our need to bring our individuality to the table. We persuade and minupulate ourselves into that box for fear of ridicule and rejection.

If only we were taught from day one how to get every part of our brain to work together for the greater good there would be a whole lot more peace, kindness and contentment. Instead the messages we regularly receive encourage us to hide what we consider to be flaws, fit in with others and become critical and judgmental of ourselves.

At nursery school level we are encouraged to grow our childlike fantasies and allowed to express our individuality. When we enter full time education we are taught we are now big boys/girls and it all gets a bit serious. Gone is the free fun and in its place comes rules and expectations and our unique quirks can be viewed as disruptive and actively discouraged. It is the beginning of the road to conformity and the strong message there is a right and a wrong way to be! How would our children benefit from lessons on getting in touch with our emotions and expressing our needs. Some time put aside during the day to encourage free thought with no limits and given permission to dream big and then some! What if it wasn’t all about academic ability and ticks on charts. As we journey through the educational system it becomes less and less acceptable to stand out and exhibit emotions. We are not encouraged to express how we feel or even contemplate stating a need. How many times have you heard “You are too sensitive!” or “You are so emotional!” It is as if we are chastised for having these emotions at all. Academia all too readily encourages logical thought and perceives emotion as something that gets in the way. By the time we have emerged into the wide world through the educational system I am sure a good majority of us are left feeling we have to be devoid of emotion in order to succeed, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Think of your best achievements how would you describe the effort it took to get there? –

Without emotion there would be no reason to get up in the morning. We could not have a true purpose without emotion, it is the basis of our motivation, keeps us determined, persistent and focused. Without emotion we do not make good decisions or learn from our mistakes. All truly successful people rely on emotions and when making decisions would take note of how they feel : “I could feel in my gut it was the right thing for me.”

When we connect our logical thought with our emotions and accept they are a trusted gauge of how we are doing we are using the power of our whole mind and our whole being. We have been taught to believe our brain is for logical thinking, but that is only part of the truth and to have the capacity to understand and harness the full capacity of our brain we need to realise our minds are intrinsically linked to our hearts. Our thoughts provoke emotions that live in our bodies causing strong physical symptoms that are often overlooked and ignored, but these signs are useful and when taken into consideration give us a far better guide to whether we are on track or not. Quite often when we have ignored these physical signs for a period of time and suppressed the need that is hidden within our emotions the sign gets bigger and more painful. These signs can express themselves as many symptoms including panic attacks, heart burn and headaches. If we continue to ignore these physical warnings and the message they are trying to bring to our attention the symptoms are likely to escalate. What is this pain or discomfort trying to flag up? Maybe it is an area of your life style that is causing too much stress or you are struggling with a toxic relationship.

How many mental health issues are started or aggravated by not accepting emotions, trying to avoid uncomfortable emotions. We are not taught to accept our emotions let alone uncomfortable ones. Someone who is seen to be out of control could be described as an emotional wreck as if the emotions themselves are the reason for this person being so unwell. The answer – just numb them with medication. But the lack of emotion then takes the very spirit of the person away. Who would want to live with no feeling for anything? Although our emotions can bring us discomfort without them we also lose the highs and any hope of a worthwhile or purposeful life.

The answer is not to eliminate emotions, but to look at the thoughts that cause emotion. Begin to understand how thoughts resonate in the body. Become aware of thoughts and whether they require action or not. We have thousands of thoughts every day and not every one is worthy of a reaction. Like clouds across the sky we can just watch as they drift by and pick out those of worthy focus. When you feel a less than comfortable knot in your stomach or a tightness in your chest trace back to the thought that provoked that feeling. What did that thought trigger in you? Is it worthy of your attention? Is it safe to let it go? When we are able to identify the triggers we can begin to gain back some conscious control. When we allow these triggers to continually happen without knowing the source we disable ourselves to respond proactively or put the issue into perspective. Our logical thought and emotions separately are alike having a car without any means of steering or a boat without a rudder.

To utilise every aspect of our mind to produce the best results the mind/heart union is crucial. Creating a balance between the two encourages a healthy outlook and promotes a full experience of life as an engaged participant confident to play it large with a firm grounding. When the brain is trained to pay attention, where needed, to thoughts that encourage and serve and not to place any energy on those that undermine and sabotage, the path to success becomes so much easier!

Karen Oliver

http://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Removing the Mask

Tue, 17 Oct 2017 10:12:00 GMT

With constant messages filling our lives in the form of advertisements, TV, internet and social media it is not that surprising that many of us feel inadequate and develop a mask to hide behind that allows us to fit in and be accepted. However, it takes a large amount of our energy to keep the mask in place, constantly having to check our behaviour and analyse what we think and how to express our opinions or whether our thoughts are even acceptable.

The consequence of this mask over time brings conflict and pain. We yearn to be able to be authentic and yet we are busily making sure our mask is secure and covering up any sign of our true selves and being what the world wants us to be, aren’t we? But what happens when the carefully constructed disguise is criticised and judged. Where do we turn when the mask is not acceptable. What can we do when we have spent so long trying to please others and be a part of acceptable society that we don’t even know how to be our true selves?

It takes courage to take off the mask and lay ourselves bare, but by not doing so we short change ourselves. True peace can only come from being at peace with who we are and therefore pretending to be someone we are not can never bring that inner tranquility we seek. When we reject ourselves the universe echoes that rejection. Acceptance has to start with us, how can anyone else approve of us if we do not. The truth is it is a lot easier to be ourselves and as long as we approve of ourselves we can offer more compassion to ourselves and others when mistakes occur. We are more readily able to forgive ourselves and others. We learn more readily from those mistakes and remain at peace with our identity regardless of our behaviour.

Perhaps we have believed we will be acceptable when we have lost that weight or changed the colour of our hair or had a cosmetic enhancement.

What makes us human is our perfect imperfections and we have been overtly and covertly brainwashed into believing we should hide them. Now is the time to go bare faced into the world and confidently take a stand. Those who criticise and judge are usually scared of doing exactly that and envious of those who make no apologies and need no validation for who they are. Be compassionate for their inability to be free and continue to resonate your pure energy out to the world.

Acceptance brings its own beauty, a bright pure energy that enhances health and well being. By becoming more aware of our own thoughts and self-talk we begin to notice the power they carry and the affect they have on our feelings and mood. What happens when you have loving and compassionate thoughts and feelings towards yourself and others?

What if we could accept ourselves right now just as we are with all our perfect imperfections even though we don’t look like a top model or celebrity. While we are all trying to conform to an accepted norm to fit in and be a part of something, we miss out on our own individual uniqueness. We owe it to ourselves to develop our qualities that had not been fully recognised, too busy covering any trace of our unique identity. Our differences are not something to be hidden away, but a reason to celebrate and shine.

All children should be encouraged to keep their dreams and aspirations rather than taught to conform and limit themselves. How can we grow up valuing and expressing our own traits if we are told by adults our dreams are impossible or unrealistic. When we are encouraged to explore our own resources, express our thoughts and act on our ideas we learn we are acceptable and it becomes easy to just be ourselves. We expend so much energy trying to impress others and seek validation, but perhaps our focus would be better placed on impressing ourselves!

The Mask

Always a mask, Held in the slim hand whitely, Always she had a mask before her face

Truly the wrist, Holding it lightly, Fitted the task: Sometimes however, Was there a shiver, Fingertip quiver, Ever so slightly – Holding the mask

For years and years and years I wondered, But dared not ask, And then – I blundered, Looked behind the mask, To find, Nothing – She had no face.

She had become merely a hand, Holding a mask with grace

Author unknown

A Choice Decision

Fri, 31 Mar 2017 14:53:00 GMT

Every day we are faced with so many choices everything from what we choose to eat for breakfast to what toothpaste is best?

If we are confident with our decisions when faced with such limitless choice, and instinctively know the right choice for ourselves it can be easy, but the human mind does not always work that way. I have found myself making a decision on a relatively inexpensive product only to question it a few days later when I see an advert for a similar product that claims even better benefits for less investment. I conclude I made the wrong decision and become dissatisfied with the product that I was perfectly happy with for a short while. The product has not changed, but the overwhelming quantity of choice leaves me feeling I didn’t get the best for my money and questions my ability to make this simple choice on an every day item.

Before the 1960s there were limited choices for everyday household products on the market and we were more likely to stay loyal to a brand, for example a toothpaste, after all they all did the same thing! I am confident we were generally more happy with our purchases. But with more disposable income and most of the population of the western world owning a television, manufacturing and the resulting advertising of the numerous varieties and luxury household items have escalated in the race to gain sales in an ever more competitive market.

Dependent on your age, you may remember a time when choosing a toothpaste just meant choosing a brand and a flavour. Today you need to decide whether you have sensitive teeth, if you want to whiten, protect the enamel, promote gum health, cavity protection or total/complete ranges which presumably take care of all of your dental needs? And I nearly forgot the seemingly endless choice for children, with popular television characters adding extra pressure to get it right, and appealing colours and flavours. This choice may seem relatively trivial, but when faced with these choices for every product it is not that surprising we can become bewildered by the abundance of varieties and brands on offer. Coupled with the continuous media presence to guide us on our epic choice making, advertisements tell us how their products are the best and encourage our belief and wonderment that we could ever live without them. We may begin to question whether we can afford to make the huge mistake of not buying their products.

We are faced with limitless choice and constantly nudged, coaxed, blackmailed and left feeling scared of the consequences for making the wrong choice. Our focus is on avoiding making the wrong decision and even once we have committed to a choice have doubts, reservations and concerns we may have made the wrong decision. Does our purchase bring us joy and satisfaction, well maybe temporarily, but it can be very short lived and we do not truly celebrate making the right decision for us. In this ever changing world there is always going to be something that does more and is bigger, better and faster.

So how can we enjoy our purchasing decisions or any choices we make? As it is unlikely the marketing trends and new products on offer are about to decrease and if anything will continue to multiply. Perhaps it is time for a personal purchasing strategy.

How can we set helpful boundaries for our own purchasing choice or decision making? Let’s imagine for a moment you are in the market for a new kitchen appliance. Before you even look on the internet or step inside a retailer’s doors it helps to have your own firmly set boundaries. You may have been happy with your previous choice of brand and therefore decide on keeping to what you know, it has delivered and done the job to your satisfaction. If not can family or friends recommend a brand and qualify why they rate the product? Once you have the brand it is much easier to choose the right product for your needs. Of course you also need to know your budget. Be sure of what you require from the product, what are definite needs and which are desirable. When you have defined these clear boundaries your shopping experience becomes much more simple and rewarding. This is when the internet becomes a great tool to find exactly what you want. Do not be seduced by clever marketing and persuasive salesman, their main aim is to take your money! Remember only you know what is right for you! If you have researched your product you will be far more satisfied with your choice and remember there will always be new models, this does not change the value of your purchase, you made the best choice for you at the time!

Research backs up the theory that when we have defined boundaries for choice we are happier with our decision making and our minds are more adept at finding the reasons and justifications the decisions are the right ones for us. In effect we use our focus on finding the evidence for our decisions being correct and discount the doubt and fear we may have previously experienced. Our ability to make the best decisions for ourselves is impaired by stress and fear. Over time, as we continue to gather evidence of our great decisions and purchases we tend to grow in confidence and become more satisfied with our successful choices. This in turn supports our faith and trust in our own abilities and when faced with further decisions can transform the process and make it far more enjoyable!

Karen Oliver – NLP Trainer, EFT Practitioner & Health Consultant

http://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

01932 403780/07782 381855

Do You Ever Ask Yourself Why?

Sun, 06 Nov 2016 19:26:00 GMT

What is it that gets us up in the morning?

What are your first thoughts of the day?

I have been reading a thought provoking book that is based around business, but the fundamental message demystifies why we do what we do and why we are inspired by certain people and companies.

The book is Start with Why by Simon Sinek and I came across it quite by chance. Simon talks about certain big companies and why they are more successful than their rivals and it is all based on their ‘why’, their reason for being. Most companies focus on what they do and how to do it, but have very unclear and inconsistent messages both internally to their employees and externally to their customers about why they do it. As Simon says over and over in the book ‘People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it!’

It occurred to me that this applies to all of us as individuals. If we don’t know why we do things and we are not focused on consistent drivers that are our whys it is not easy to know how to do it or what we are trying to create.

If you look at basic outcome setting this explains why so many are unsuccessful. If you don’t pinpoint the why the how and what will not be strong enough to keep you on track to completion.

This confirms why it is crucial when setting outcomes with others that you receive a resoundingly positive congruent yes when you ask ‘do you really want this?’ I would go further and ask them to outline the reason for this outcome focusing on hearing their why. It could be anything from I so love to help people, to my family are what make me tick. You will soon begin to notice a clear why when the individual becomes more animated with perhaps a broad grin and an increase in enthusiasm as though they are coming to life. Sharpen your acuity and these telling signs will become apparent and signpost their level of commitment, the ‘why’ is the driver. Without it no amount of willpower, courage or grit will keep them going. It is keeping a vivid sense of ‘why’ that is at the core of our determination and persistence to succeed.

So many of us ask ourselves what we want to do with our lives, but the first question should be why ! Once the ‘why’ is established the how which is rooted in our values and beliefs will follow, but be sure to keep on track. You will know if you are crossing any core values or beliefs as it becomes apparent as discomfort a feeling of going against the grain. Be true to yourself and respect your values and beliefs. The what is the product of your ‘why’ and your ‘how’. When you start with why you are not defined by the ‘what’. It can be anything and it will be successful as long as your ‘why’ is at the core giving life and energy to your intention and is the obvious message as it runs through your how and what.

Once you are in tune with why you become motivated to do what you do and allow that to stream overtly through everything you do the universe will respond and support your success. People will be attracted to your strong sense of why. Well known why people like Martin Luther King, Steve Jobs & Walt Disney had their hearts on their sleeves for everyone to see. They knew why they got up in the morning and in the words of Martin Luther King they had a dream. Everyone around them knew their why and bought into it.

Many of us have not been open to such visionary ideas since early childhood having had dreams squashed and laughed at perhaps through the educational system or unwittingly by well meaning parents who wanted to ensure we had a good grip on what was realistic. We end up complying with the norm and building our own glass ceilings to remain in the realms of what our society and ultimately we as individual adopt as our realms of possibility. Walt Disney pioneered the term ‘imagineering’ which gave his creative mind and those who worked for him permission to think without limits and dream up what would normally appear impossible. Allow yourself to imagineer and if you hear a critical fear voice put it aside and give permission to your infinite mind to dream and create the life you love.

The more we are able to look at life in this way the easier it will be to see the endless opportunities that were there all the time, but filtered out by fear and doubt. There are two signals that may be helpful to you as quoted by Mary Morrisey, author of Building Your Field of Dreams and No Less than Greatness and creator of the Dream Builder Programme . Mary talks about the sacred signals of discontent and longing. Rather than ignore discontent what do you think it is trying to do for you? What if it knows you are not living the life you love and wants for you to do something about it. And do you have a longing that has been put off and ignored, perhaps to follow a path that you were told would never yield a living and so you settled for the steady safe job. The longing wants for you the life you love doing all the things you love! These signals are there to guide you from where you are discontent to a life of joy, abundance and contentment.

Many of us are not used to asking ourselves what would we love, but this is one of Mary Morrisey’s first questions to the thousands of people she has coached with her Dream Builder programme. When we can answer this question and imagine how different our lives would be if we could live a life of full of joy, perhaps we have an image of what it would look like. All you need to believe is that it is possible somehow to achieve this life you love that is expressed in this image.

If you have been going through the motions for some time and think your days are to be endured rather than enjoyed, maybe it is time for you to discover your ‘why’ and find a clearer pathway to a life you love!

I am particularly happy to acknowledge my sources as truly inspirational people in the field of personal and business development. Please see the following links for more information about Simon Sinek: Start with Why

and Mary Morrisey: Dream Builder Programme

Karen Oliver

http://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk – 07782 381855/01932 403780

karenoliver31@hotmail.com

Energy Follows Intention

Sun, 20 Dec 2015 20:33:00 GMT

I am sure I am not the only one who has thought about a friend I haven’t contacted for a long time and suddenly I get a call or an E-Mail or bump into them. Is this coincidence? This has happened so frequently that I don’t believe it can be. If we think of ourselves as energetic beings we all resonate at a vibrational level and cannot help but give out waves of energy that communicate with not only those around us, but worldwide as an energetic network. It is impossible not to communicate even when we are not speaking or giving visual clues as to our inner emotions we are continuously sending out these signals that have an effect on our fellow-man.

If this is true then how powerful could we as a universal race be when we focus our energy on peace and joy? We are constantly bombarded by images and dialogue that teach us the world is an unsafe place, but is that really the case or is it just the media sensationalising all that is negative in the world leaving us with a very unbalanced view of our habitat. There is much debate on whether there is a tipping point of man’s frequency of thought. If 51% of the population raises their vibration to consistent thoughts of peace, love and joy the remaining 49% would quickly follow. Imagine if you could influence others in a positive way and contribute to the tipping point for peace. The tipping point has been observed in the habits of monkeys. An island colony of monkeys main diet consisted of fruit. One day a single monkey decided to take his piece of fruit and wash it in the sea. Gradually the monkeys followed suit and once the percentage reached the tipping point of 51% the rest of the island intuitively carried out the same washing ritual without being taught or having observed the monkeys that carried out this fruit washing. The energy frequency became so strong it influenced the remaining monkeys.

If this is true then it all starts with one-act of peace and love to be replicated to produce a universal shift. Doesn’t that change the way you view that one solitary act towards peace? It may have seemed to be futile, the lone voice attempting to share with a world that does not appear to be open to listening to the message you believe will be the world’s salvation. So what if you could just pass your message on to one person who felt equally committed and passionate about the message of peace. Would that bring about the changes that will create a more cohesive world community?

We rely very heavily on the spoken word and our power of logic to manipulate opinion, politicians are experts. But we have lost our faith in our own energetic ability to model our world and connect to our human network. We are all linked and whilst we work independently are covertly working as one colony giving out unconscious signals and picking up on others energetic vibrations. What would be possible if we overtly recognised the group power we possess and the ability to focus on the movement that would best suit mankind and the world?

Because we are earth bound beings we are tied to three dimensional thinking and are not always able to comprehend the power of an energy that has no bounds. How can we think of someone on the other side of the world and have an effect? Energy has no distance and therefore has no time or spatial limits. Our own aura is more wide spread than we think. In fact it spreads at least six foot from our physical bodies. it is no wonder that we feel a change of mood when people are close by as we are in the presence of others’ energy. Research on prayer is well documented and has a positive effect on the subject being prayed for with reports of healing being accelerated and recovery more frequent. Sending energy with good intention cannot be contained or stopped and the bigger the group the more powerful the effect. This gives rise to all sorts of possibilities for personal, community & universal change.

To back up intention we need to possess strong belief and religion is a good example of this. When we believe we are complying with our religious beliefs and values we have a sense of contentment and peace as we live up to our ideals. When a group of people sing hymns and praise god the energy of the whole group becomes very powerful and each individual is empowered by the vibrations of the good intentions expressed. It is an example of where the whole becomes bigger than the component parts. Group meditation also has the effect of building energy and when sent for the good of others who may be suffering is said to aid healing.

I have noticed my own vibrational level influences the responses I receive and the level of activity within my network of friends and family. The frequency of my consistent thought brings back a universal response that is congruent with that vibration. If you are consistently living with a level of fear and anxiety it is not possible for the universe to bring about a calm and peaceful response. Take a moment to think about the overall response you seem to meet with in the world? Do you receive love and peace or are you surrounded by turmoil and chaos?

The good news is although you may be attracting less than positive events to yourself because you are determining and manifesting your own reality you in turn are solely able to make the changes that can bring the love, peace and contentment you seek.

Sometimes it is not easy to assess your own vibration as you may have been consistently anxious for some years and the feelings you experience are your normal way of being. To become more aware of your current emotional state, take a moment to be in a quiet place and take a few deep breaths. Now scan your body from head to toe and notice where there may be some physical sensations, maybe a tightness in your chest or butterflies in your stomach. Just be with that feeling for a moment and notice how it feels. Just ask yourself what is the positive intention of this feeling? You may have to dig deep, but this thinking and vibration was originally created to bring about something beneficial although the consequence of these thoughts and feelings may not be positive. Just allow an answer to surface without need for over analysing or searching for the answer, just listen to your unconscious reaction to the question. The first thing that occurs to you is usually the right answer according to your body and the origins of this feeling. Now that you are aware of the purpose of this feeling, just ask yourself whether keeping this feeling is every going to achieve that positive intention of happiness, contentment peace etc.?

Take time to allow the following self-reflecting questions bring up the answers from within you. Just allow the answers to surface and trust they are true for you.

What label would you put on this feeling? What if it were possible to go about your daily routine without this feeling? What feeling would you prefer to utilise to assist in your life? Have you experienced this preferred feeling before? How different do you look when you consciously decide to take this empowering feeling on as a natural way of being? How do others react to you? How much easier is it to work through your day with this new feeling? How has your internal dialogue become more positive and motivating? What do you believe about yourself when you adopt this feeling?

Once you become accustomed to positively focusing your energy on the feelings that support your development you can begin to move towards the empowering outcomes you now believe are possible. When your mind is invested in the outcome and believes you are capable of success it is much easier to work with all of your resources and thoughts driving you in the same direction and for the same beneficial purpose.

As you continue to raise your own vibration with hopeful and capable thoughts and let go of any fear you will not only be helping yourself, but beginning to aid the whole of humankind to a more hopeful future and a more unified world.

Wishing you all a peaceful and joyful Christmas!

Karen Oliver

http://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780 Please leave a message if I am not available to take your call.

Embrace the Now!

Thu, 23 Jul 2015 13:53:00 GMT

Sometimes we fool ourselves into believing we have spent our time well because we have completed a job, but the question is was the job worthwhile and did it add joy and growth? We live in a task orientated world where we place our sense of worthiness on completion and this in itself is the achievement. Of course there is a place for planning, but do we take enough time to allow things to happen organically and enjoy the unknown? Planning and careful consideration of every detail can be an attempt to control and therefore fuelled by fear. What if you could just go with the flow and the unknown with an open attitude of learning and development from whatever happens?

For me, some of the best memories and life changing shifts in my mindset have occurred on the days I just allowed things to happen and went with my gut instinct. Let’s not confuse these moments with being lazy, which is a modern day condemnation of unconstructed time. Just because our activities have not been scheduled to within every millisecond does not mean they are not valuable.

Planning for your future is necessary, but how many times have you just happened to be in the right place or met the right person to bring new challenging opportunities into your life. We are manifesting all of the time as our thoughts have an energetic frequency that is constantly being transmitted out to the universe. If we spent more time focusing on our emotional state and the energy we are resonating and our ability to enjoy what is happening now, the future would be more rewarding and in keeping with our core beliefs and values.

For those of us who have children, how much of their time is scheduled with classes and activities? And ask yourself was your childhood crammed with so many events? Or did you have freedom to explore and learn without such prescribed time slots? How much of that free time gave rise to creativity and contributed to skills and qualities that support you now? Do we pass on our fear of lack of time to our children and create even further stress and pressure to do well and constantly achieve without question or evaluation of what we are gaining or how much of our time is fulfilling? Does this promote our contentment and ultimately our overall wellbeing?

Is it possible to gain true enlightenment and live a purposeful life by purely planning and cramming your life with what we call life achievements without thought of what you are truly gaining? Without stepping back and questioning the real reason? Will this process of action and way of thinking culminate in the happiness you believe exists at the destination you are so focussed on reaching?

It seems to me a high proportion of us living in the 21st century do not question the hamster wheel of life and put life on hold while we believe it will all be ok when we have completed the next step or we can relax and enjoy life once we have achieved the next outcome.

While outcomes are crucial for direction and achievement if we are not enjoying the road we tread, will we know when or how to enjoy the moment we are successful? The tendency can be to immediately move on to the next outcome with our time sensitive cram it all in mentality. If there is no time for reflection, relaxation and appreciation I begin to question the reason and validity of the process as there appears to be an absence of any joy.

I am not sure where we learnt gaining credibility and achievement demanded a vacuous environment driven by a state of seriousness and continuous hard toil. There is definitely a badge of honour for the person who spends the most hours and least sleep in their endeavour to climb the preverbal career ladder. Life balance has veered out of control and many home lives are less than rewarding as a result.

The other unhelpful lesson the western world has adopted is to accredit immeasurable value to logical thinking and academic achievement to the detriment of being aware and in touch with our feelings. How can any of us be truly successful as a fully functioning healthy well balanced human being without considering what is important in our heart and trusting in our gut instinct?

In fact the lack of emotional investment attached to our outcomes is the very reason for our constant quest for betterment. Any achievement is empty if it lacks any emotional integrity and purpose. We are just left feeling flat once the short lived glory of our last triumph has passed. Ask yourself are the actions I am taking in alignment with my purpose and do they feel right for me? Only you can answer these questions. You can listen to advice and take on board opinions, but only you know what is right for you by ensuring you are in touch with your core values and beliefs that uphold your purpose. Your very reason for getting up each day.

It is not easy to buck the trend and ignore the distracting and compelling messages we are constantly bombarded with via the media, but maybe now is the time to question the quality of your life experience. Do you spend more time doing than being? When was the last time you gave yourself an encouraging word or two and sat back to admire your own creation?

If you want to live more in the now and use the power of what is to manifest a more fulfilled and purposeful life perhaps you could consider the following questions. As you do take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth and allow the answers just to come, trust that you have the answers and they will surface:

Now that you have some answers visualise yourself as if you are looking through your own eyes, hearing through your own ears and feeling what is happening with that positive behaviour, encouraging internal dialogue and supporting beliefs. How would you look, sound and feel? How would you be standing/sitting? How deep would you be breathing? Where in your body do you feel that new sense of calm, peace and joy?

Remember in the Now there are no issues and there is access to true creativity to manifest a nurturing, supportive and loving inner self that can deal effectively with whatever challenges come your way.

Karen Oliver

http://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

07782 381855/01932 403780

Our Health Our Food

Mon, 06 Jul 2015 19:33:00 GMT

Unfortunately there are many articles in the media that add to our confusion and don’t make it easy for us to choose a healthy food plan that is nutrient rich. When you read these articles pay close attention to the author. There is often a bias and the research is carefully manipulated to influence the public into buying certain products.

Food companies are interested in making big profit and when a new health idea trends they are the first to take action. Unfortunately their actions are not usually about real health improvements, but about clever labelling and half truths. Look closely at labels and you will notice that when the product proudly announces low fat to add back the flavour there are copious amounts of sugar therefore counteracting the advertised benefits! Have you ever wondered what ‘natural’ means when quoted on a food packet? It is one of the most misleading words used to describe a food product as the definition is not clear and there don’t seem to be any real guidelines as to what needs to be included to be considered natural and we mistakenly believe this product is nutritious and beneficial to our health. What do you think no added sugar means, that is got to be good, right! On close inspection of the ingredients you will uncover a diverse range of artificial sweeteners. Most of us have heard of aspartame and saccharin and since probably the early seventies we are accustom to them being added to our food. Whilst sugar has no nutritional value and is essentially empty calories that can effect your health by contributing to diabetes, heart disease, stroke and even cancer, artificial sweeteners are not the answer.

Aspartame and other artificial sweeteners are marketed to diabetics and those trying to lose weight. Despite the fact that artificial sweeteners have consistently been proven to give the opposite effects:

Since the use of artificial sweeteners they have also found their way into food products that are not directly marketed to diabetics or dieters.

Not only are artificial sweeteners now detected in about 6,000 separate drinks, snacks and food products, which requires constant and careful label-reading, but even more of a concern, food industry groups are even attempting to conceal the existence of artificial sweeteners in some foods.

When you eat something sweet, it signals to your brain to release dopamine, which starts up your brain’s reward centre. The hormone leptin is also released, which tells your brain you are “full” when you have ingested enough calories. Therefore, when you eat a food that tastes sweet but contains very little calories, your brain’s reward centre still reacts to the sweet taste, but as there is no calorific value it remains activated and you consequently remain hungry. The result of your body being tricked by the artificial sweetener is that you end up craving carbs and eating high calorie food products.

Artificial sweeteners can also contribute to cardiovascular disease, stroke and Alzheimer’s disease.

The food industry has lost the public’s trust since the horse meat scandal and you would think they would be cleaning up their act! However it seems there are still practices that appear to be less than open and honest. Next time you buy a packet of ham ponder for a moment to question the ingredients. You might think it is pretty safe to guess it would be pork, but did you know a good percentage of meat sold as ham is made up of meat emulsion – a mixture in which meat is finely ground along with additives in order that fat can be dispersed through it. Ham has also been found to be constructed of mechanically separated meat, a slurry made by taking scraps of meat from bones, which acts as a cheap filler although its use is not permitted in ham.

Please follow the link below to read an article from the Guardian newspaper highlighting the food industries attempts to hide ingredients and questionable processes that we all should be aware of.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/feb/07/fake-food-scandal-revealed-tests-products-mislabelled

The following link is a great resource from John & Ocean Robbins who have championed healthy food production for many years in America, much of which applies to us in the UK and should stand as a warning regarding wide use of GMO produce.

https://www.facebook.com/foodrevolutionnetwork

The simplest most helpful advice I have been given is that if the food you are eating looks like it did when it came from the ground or resembles the animal it originally was without being processed and enhanced it is probably pretty healthy! Stick to whole foods, cook from scratch and use as much organic produce as possible. Of course if growing your own is an option that is the best choice.

We have for so long allowed the food industry to take responsibility for our health believing their marketing and advertising and many of us are paying dearly for that mistake. It is time we all took control of what we eat, and we can individually put pressure on the food industry to offer more healthy and honest supplies by changing our shopping habits. The food industry will only produce what sells. Hit them in the pocket and be food savvy, check labels and abandon the fake & junk foods that threaten not only our health, but also the next generation of consumers. When we are all better informed and invest in our future health and change our shopping habits accordingly they will have to follow the demand and supply the nutritious food we need to turn the tide of food related health issues that have become epidemic.

Karen Oliver – E-Motional Solutions

01932 403780/07782 381855

The Bigger Picture

Tue, 19 May 2015 19:40:00 GMT

It is a very different world today while the class distinction is more blurred and your status at birth does not predetermine your future, it is also less clear where the constant day to day scuttle to and from your place of work is taking you. Many of us do not have a vision of the future, what we desire or how we are going to achieve it. We are lucky to live in an age of great opportunity, but this expectation can cause a perceived pressure and consequently a feeling of not being good enough. Faced with a limitless world sometimes some of us positively take every chance to make the best of every situation while in many of us it brings a sense of a fear of failure or even success. When we are locked into this habitual pattern of thinking it is not easy to utilise these opportunities and we can become stuck in a never ending ground hog day waiting for something to change not really believing we have any say in our own destiny. It can render us into a reactive way of living which does not fulfil out quest for happiness.

So what do successful people do? Surely if they can do it can’t everyone? They do have a vision of where they want to be backed up by a strong sense of desire. In addition to this they are capable of working out the small steps that will allow them to reach their outcome. Not that the path they choose would not be littered with obstacles along the way. By keeping a strong determination, belief and resilience they will remain firm, but flexible and keep the faith in themselves and the future they envisage. Therefore living purposefully requires a vision of what it is all for.

Sounds like a big question I know, but if you don’t have a feeling, image or dialogue that defines what you are aiming for it is not easy to end up where you want to be. Think about what you are passionate about, what really motivates you to act? Do you become incensed about animal welfare or third world poverty or are you more interested in your local community, the elderly or child care. Perhaps you enjoy the arts, have a talent in dance, excel as an athlete or find you have a great skill in negotiation. Whatever it is you can make a difference at an individual level, whether it is by volunteering for a charity or actively seeking out employment within the area that you are emotionally invested in.

We can be so wrapped up in the small stuff that the bigger picture is not even on our radar. I am not sure many of us question our actions and their long term consequences, but just continue to do the same things somehow hoping it will make a difference and bring us contentment and a better life. It is no wonder we become disgruntled when the reward doesn’t seem to justify the effort and can leave an emptiness. Sometimes to see where we are heading requires a step back to view not only the direction, but also the choices that could be available if we just looked up for one moment. If you could choose the future with no limits what would you see? Quite often we are so entrenched in the life we have come to believe would be ours It is not easy to be motivated and take action in a conscious and deliberate way. The future does not always present itself like the proverbial carrot to a donkey.

There has to be something desirable to bring about a change of thought which translates into focused purposeful behaviour. When you really want something how do you manifest it? Do you see it clearly, do you imagine what it would be like to have it? Do you see clear steps to get it? Or do you work out how long it will take you to get it? When you dissect your successful strategies for manifesting the things you want, whether it is a job, a partner or a car you can begin to see what works for you. What if you transferred that thought process consciously to everything you want to achieve in life and broke them down into easy steps. Once you have set up a personalised blue print of how you achieve success you can apply it to any situation as a series of steps. Sometimes visualising that you have already achieved your big picture outcome can help you to determine the steps needed to get there. To understand what motivates you to be proactive in achieving can give you access to resources you weren’t aware of and give encouragement and confidence to seek out and take the right opportunities.

Imagine now that you have already achieved the outcome you really desire. What would you look like as this future self? Would you be smiling? Are you standing or moving? What would you be thinking or telling yourself? How would it feel? Allow your visualisation to evolve by adding some colour. What is your favourite colour? How intense is that colour and what does it remind you of? What emotion does that colour evoke? What sounds can you hear? Maybe some music and what about laughter? Maybe a family or friend’s voice congratulating you or cheers from an audience! How does that feel and where are you feeling it? Allow that feeling to expand and intensify and notice how that feeling becomes more and more real with every deep breath you take. Now that you have fully experienced this great achievement what would you tell yourself back in the now? What gems of wisdom do you need to hear from your future self? What resources did you use to achieve your outcome? Imagine sending the message back to you in the now to support and motivate you to take that first step. Maybe you would send the message back like a light beam or maybe deliver it as a beautifully wrapped gift.

Imagine receiving that message and the truth and love that comes with it for your future contentment. How much easier will it be to take that first step and believe you have everything you need to fulfil your outcome?

When you think about your future how far can you see? One year, five years or maybe ten? If you continue to carry out the day to day tasks without question where will you be? Will your life be fulfilling and satisfying? Is that picture a bright and happy one? What if you decided right now to find other options, would you still be on the same path?

What would a mentor advise you to do? If you don’t have one right now? Who would you appoint as your mentor? It could be someone you know or an imaginary person who has all the attributes you admire in a successful person. It could be someone well known that you feel a connection to. As you hear their words reminding you of your strengths and your ability to take action notice how it feels to have someone believe in you. How much clearer is that first step to your desired future contented self now? How close is the image of your outcome. Maybe you are beginning to feel as if you are stepping into your outcome and are surrounded by the people that support you.

Everything we do starts with a first step. It is so much easier to make that important start if we can break it down into small steps that we can work towards every day. Why not put an image of your desired outcome with a photo of yourself from a cherished memory and place them in clear view. Become aware every time you glance at them how those feelings of taking steps towards something you are passionate about, that gives you a purpose and excites you, just seem to flow. How it gives you a sense of moving towards your outcome in a joyous and energetic way. Notice how powerful you feel when you believe you are capable of sculpting out your own destiny.

Quite often we are very good at listing all the things we think we could do much better, but not so forthcoming when asked to relay all of our attributes. It is interesting to note it is also more easy to recall those things we have received criticism for even when the remaining feedback carried a positive and supportive message and how this can take hold as an undeniable truth. To alter this detrimental view of ourselves unfortunately seems to take rather more than one complementary remark which will probably be ignored or filtered out as it does not fit with the current less than positive belief. There seem to be good reasons to keep the unhelpful view of ourselves as it serves as a reminder to avoid making the same mistakes by creating an uncomfortable feeling. However, this resistance of letting go of the experience and the following criticism can lead to further evidence of not being capable or good enough and more situations of perceived failure. The belief snowballs and gains momentum and becomes almost impenetrable to objectivity and logical analysis and therefore not easy to put forward the opposing theory and to question the validity of this disempowering belief. However, beliefs do change over time and it requires some conscious rationalisation of the beliefs that support your outcomes and those that have held you back. When you become aware of a stopper, something that whenever you get to a certain stage of success seems to draw a halt to your proactivity, ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen if you continued? Allow the answer to come to you quickly without searching or overthinking the answer. You might be surprised what comes up, but it will give you an insight into what you are able to do to dissipate the fear. By shedding light on the previously hidden underlying sabotage in itself takes away some of its power.

To continue past this old belief requires new thinking. Now you can start by asking those who love and support you to recall events that confirm you possess the resources that would oppose this outmoded belief. Gain as much evidence as possible and note down the resources they list. When you read back the list put a number between one to ten next to each resource to reflect how much of that resource you believe you have. Then ask your contributors to independently give you a score of one to ten for the same list. Notice the disparity! The difference of views indicates that maybe you are not aware of your value in the world as observed by others. By taking on board these views it can alter your own perception and allow you to recognise the resources you have not given yourself credit for.

Now imagine you are your own best friend looking at yourself with a sense of compassion and affection and score the list again. What changes? We often as not are our own worst critics and our opinions and judgement are far more favourable towards those we love. We don’t always find it easy to be so encouraging of ourselves. The benefit of being our own best buddy is two fold, not only do we begin to feel encouraged and supported by our compassionate attitude, but also by beginning to believe in our strengths and abilities we break the cycle of not achieving and punishing ourselves and feeling lacking and not achieving and punishing ourselves, you get the idea! As we learn to be kinder when we are not successful it is easier to take some learning from the situation and move forward with a positive idea of what we have taken from the experience which will support a new successful method of living in tune with our purposeful life plan.

Next time you are in a busy town or city take time to look at the hustle and bustle of people. We walk with intent, but lack true purpose following what we think we should be doing and not listening to our inner voice that wants to guide us to live in alignment with our hearts desire.

Hope Springs Eternal!

Fri, 03 Apr 2015 04:42:00 GMT

We have all heard stories of those who have seemingly lost everything: family, fortune, home! The vast majority of those people still maintain enough motivation to endure and continue to take action towards recovery. Without hope the human race would not be successful. We appear to be hardwired to look for the silver lining and keep hope that the situation will get better. To do this we maintain a mind set of belief we have the ability to do something about the situation even when the odds seem to be stacked against us and many of the elements of the current situation appear to be completely out of our control.

Of course there are some of us who have mastered adversity and remained optimistic more easily than others. Some of us become more vulnerable to substance abuse and other addictions as we are in doubt or fearful of our abilities to succeed in overcoming the adverse situation. But the majority are able, at some point, to come to terms with what has happened and learn enough to enlist all of their resources to create a more positive path forwards.

According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who developed the Change Curve – when change happens, whether enforced or not, there can be an initial feeling of shock and dismay that the event has occurred. This is followed by denial and convincing yourself that it isn’t really happening. What follows can be anger and frustration which can cause you to blame others and lash out whilst still not wanting to accept. The next stage is hitting rock-bottom and experiencing apathy where everything appears to be pointless and a lack of self-confidence and a willingness to give up. The next stage can be so emotionally painful that most of us start to pull ourselves out of it. You may start to try new things as anything is better than being stuck at the bottom of the curve. This continues to bring about a new way of thinking, deciding what does and doesn’t work. An acceptance of the change ensues and a level of optimism begins to return. The final stage is when you integrate the change into your life and it becomes part of your norm.

This is purely a model of change and clearly we are all individuals and may follow just part of this change curve, but you will probably resonate with some of the steps and notice how you adapt to change. Are you someone who holds onto the past and therefore may not find it easy to move past the apathy stage and get stuck in denial? Or are you a forward thinking person who is constantly trying out new ideas and rarely moves onto integrate them? Whichever you relate to you will notice there is a point that hope and optimism play a big part in allowing you to let go of the old habits and embrace new methods that will sustain you at work, home or play. We all have our ups and downs both personally, e.g. bereavement, redundancy, relationships, or external changes e.g. new technology and new operating systems.

We are all start with an optimistic outlook to life. Have you ever seen a healthy toddler wake up one morning and say they don’t want to face the world or are not going to walk for fear of falling? Do you remember bouncing out of bed as a young child excited about what the day would bring? A pessimistic outlook is learnt through less than happy experiences usually occurring during childhood and limiting our ability to be resilient and think optimistically. Sometimes we experience events at a tender age that are so painful our unconscious mind will do its upmost to avoid similar situations again. As an example, when we are young and rely on our needs being met by adults and we learn that those needs are far less than fulfilled to the point of having to fend for ourselves we may learn not to expect anything and that we will always be let down by others. It is easy to see how this type of experience could affect our ability to be optimistic. However, even when we have learnt to view the world in a pessimistic way it doesn’t mean we cannot change our view point. As we learnt pessimism we can unlearn and relearn optimism. Those of us who are optimistic will tend to log and note the good things that happen to us and build strong beliefs about our ability to influence any situation. The pessimists amongst us will note the things that went wrong despite their own effort and may begin to feel helpless, This leaves us feeling not in control of anything that happens and at the mercy of the universe and what it has planned for us.

For anyone who has experienced helplessness the feeling of their efforts being futile in the face of the world’s problems can be overwhelming. So how can this be addressed? In my experience small positive steps can bring about a more optimistic view. What can I do that will make a difference is far more empowering than focusing on the big picture or the elements that may be out of your control. Small actions do make a difference not only for the individual, but have a universal impact. Imagine if each one of us decided to walk or take public transport to the school or work twice a week rather than use a car, what difference would that make for a busy cities air quality? or joined a group to lobby government about a new green policy regarding recycling. We all have far more power even as individuals and when we carry out acts as a joint community we have an even greater impact on our world.

What bigger example of adversity and hope could there be than the Easter story! The symbol of the Easter Egg is the perfect example of new life and new hope. Stay aware and actively seek the power to influence a situation. It is easy to believe that life is fated and we are either lucky or unlucky, but this mind set does not allow us to take action in the name of hope it leaves us stuck and alike a leaf in a hurricane. In truth hope is the driver of action and luck is the result of those of us that take courage when an opportunity is presented!

Karen Oliver – E-Motional Solutions – 07782 381855/01932 403780

Your Worth – Your Wealth?

Mon, 16 Mar 2015 12:31:00 GMT

What were you taught during childhood about being wealthy and prosperous?

Do you remember hearing ‘You have to work hard to prosper’ or ‘If you are spiritual and virtuous you cannot be financially wealthy?’ We tend to pick up these beliefs while we are young and not able to understand money and its affinity with our sense of worth. If we experience misfortune we may develop negative beliefs about having wealth. These beliefs go undetected, but drive our behaviour regarding earning, spending and accumulating money. What do you believe about people who have money? Are they greedy? Does money corrupt people?

Our beliefs about money will influence whether we merely survive, get by or positively thrive. The fears around these beliefs will influence your unconscious feelings and regulate how much or little you receive.

Money is not the root of all evil it is the obsession with money that is not healthy. If your purpose is to be helpful and kind and generous of spirit in your business/occupation you will attract money in order that you can continue. If you decide on your occupation purely for monetary gain it can prove to be less successful as even if you achieve the target you set yourself the reward may appear to be empty and holding onto that wealth prove to be tricky. When you set your sights on a pile of cash the thoughts tend to be I don’t have enough, whereas manifesting money through carrying out deeds that are derived from a passion and commitment requires abundant thinking and therefore abundance follows.

We tend to want fairness and think that asking for more for ourselves is selfish when there are so many people in the world with so little. What if it were true that the more people have, the more good they can do and the more prosperous the world would be. If you believe in the law of attraction you already know that there are no limits only those we impose on ourselves, therefore the capacity to bring riches to the world is eternal.

If you want more money focus your mind on it. You may be inclined to ignore your financial situation because it is too painful to look at, but this negative reaction to thinking about money only brings about more situations involving financial pressure.

There can also be an element of embarrassment and guilt that you are in this financial position and around anyone who was associated with the events that put you in this situation. Negative associations will keep your focus on money being a painful subject and therefore not allowing you to bring better finances your way.

Any beliefs about worthiness are attached to you as an individual – How worthy am I? Beliefs about value are connected to how much value you are putting out in the world. Money is a tangible measure of your value.

Focus on creating a friendly relationship with money. When you are open to making money you will begin to become aware of more opportunities to make more money.

Sometimes there can be a discrepancy of values. If you believe you want to do good and receive payment you may feel you are just involved in a pure transaction. There can be a tendency to believe if they can’t pay me I should help them anyway. Whilst it is good to help this should not become the default. You can serve people more effectively when you are wealthy and therefore able to create more good for more people.

Isn’t it better to attract wealth to yourself with good intentions to share and do good in the world than leave it to those who simply want money for material assets or to use the power of money to do harm? It is always the intention that makes the difference.

When you don’t value what you do and give everything away for free you devalue yourself and what you offer to others. How can you expect others to put a great deal of value on you or your services/products if you are not doing so yourself.

Perhaps if you see money as your gauge to measure your own abundance you will begin to see why you are attracting, or not as the case may be, the people, objects and situations that are manifested.

Think about the common tag lines you find repeating over and over in your life when you think of money or your personal worth or value. It is a form of brain washing if you constantly run a loop of internal dialogue stating ‘People like me never have money’ or ‘I will never amount to anything’. Is it then a surprise that you rarely create more than a basic living.

These baseline beliefs run unmonitored and constantly underneath your day to day actions and therefore driving how you react to situations that present themselves. The opportunities for wealth and prosperity that occur may be turned down or you may not even be aware of their existence. Awareness of these beliefs is key to any form of change. When the beliefs we run our lives with are not supporting our progress and ability to bring prosperity we look for further evidence of our unworthiness. As the evidence takes hold it is less and less easy to take action to disprove these disempowering beliefs as they leave us feeling powerless and stuck. We tie ourselves up as we self sabotage our own ability to help ourselves.

The way out of this pattern is not always easy, but it just takes one step towards change to start to tip the balance into action and a way forward. If you think about what you want to achieve and ask yourself ‘What has stopped me up until now?’ and ‘What do I need to have to achieve this?’ The answers give you clues as to your beliefs about your ability and lack of affinity with wealth to secure what you need to be successful. Now notice the feeling you experience if you push and force yourself to just take action – maybe making a phone call to market your product/services. What is that feeling? Does the inability to act appear to be so true it is like a brick wall and totally undoable?

The feelings you are experiencing are the force of your unconscious beliefs that have been there for so long they are your normal. It is like having a rucksack on your back for so long and it gets heavier and heavier, but it happens so gradually you don’t notice the extra weight only the consequences. As you begin to address these issues and alter your behaviour and habits you notice you feel lighter as the load is taken off of your rucksack. Similarly you probably don’t even notice the heavy feeling in your heart or the pressure on your shoulders or the tension in your muscles but over time they have become exaggerated and caused you to form habits that avoid dealing with the action required to change your circumstances. The habits created support your procrastination and paralysis of action as that seems the better prospect, a very uncomfortable comfort zone, but not quite painful enough to push you into action.

Now allow yourself to think about where you are going to be in two years or maybe five years if you keep these beliefs and accompanying habits. Are you going to be in a place of deep contentment and peace? Can these fearful beliefs ever bring about the good things you dream of? Or is the stark reality that you will be even more fearful and anxious? What will all of this tension and pressure cause? Will you be alone and suffering ill-health? Paint a picture of this path that you are taking and notice just how uncomfortable that feels? Now if you had a choice would you take this path? What if the choices have been there all along, but you were not able previously to see them. Take time to think about what you would tell a friend if they were in the same situation. Assist in pointing out there may be other ways to think about this situation, other options. What other paths are beginning to become apparent? All this time you have used your energy and time to avoid uncomfortable situations and you are being taken down a path that will lead to exactly what you were attempting to avoid more pain and unhappiness.

Is it possible to take a step out of your comfort zone? The truth is when you do feel uncomfortable you are learning something. What if you could embrace the possibility of feeling uncomfortable in the knowledge you are gaining valuable learning that will develop your emotional strength. This in turn providing evidence of your ability to take control of your own situation. Sustainable wealth and prosperity is far more accessible to you when you possess a set of supportive beliefs that encompass your own worthiness. This frees up an openness to receiving what was always there ready to meet your needs and the level of receiving will be measured and regulated by your own rule of fairness, value and expectation of wealth.

Karen Oliver

http://www.e-motionalsolutions.co.uk

01932403780 [contact-form]

07782381855